5 Ideas That Haven’t Been Invented Yet Because They Suck

Written by Jason Scott. Posted in Daily Daft

“What will they think of next” is a saying we don’t hear much anymore.

Probably due to the fact that technology had been saturated with so many new inventions sci fi movies like Star Trek and Star Wars are finding it hard to stay ahead of the present. Technology is a wonderful thing, but that doesn’t mean everything we can invent we should invent. Some things are better or left in the collective insane minds of internet bloggers.

These are a few of the ideas that we gave birth to that should probably be pushed back in.

#1.The Problem: Fluffy is dead and the Evil Pet cemetery is too far away.

Now maybe you can’t live with the loss of fluffy or maybe you think the youngest member of the household is too young to experience the loss of a pet, or maybe your child killed it and is showing the makings of becoming the next serial killer when they grow up. Either way, the loss of a pet can be very traumatic.

The Solution: RC Taxidermy.

taxidermy cat


rc remote

Yes, we can rebuild them, we have the technology. Unlike regular taxidermy where the Pet is forever locked in the same pose, RC Taxidermy allows multiple poses and is fully interactive with you and your family. The little ones would love watching their favorite kitten or puppy jump into bed with them for a good nights sleep, and because its innards have been removed and its body mummified, there is no rotting corpse smell attributed from “please mom, just one more night with Fluffy’s corpse, I promise I will bury him tomorrow.

Why it sucks: Its only one step away from an RC dead Mom or Dad, and that’s weird even for us.

Tired of using your hands for mundane tasks like, eating dessert, sex, and entering your pin code at the super market. Well, this idea solves 1 out of 3

#2 The Problem: People are lazy, in fact too lazy to enter a pin number

The Solution: Dragon Speak Pin Code recognition Software


Why It could Happen: The sound of your voice is entirely unique to you. It’s like your finger prints. This is due partly to the actual shape and size of your vocal cords but also the size and shape of your body. Now one might think that this is a very secure way to give out a password. But think again.

Why its sucks: Although a voice print is supposed to be as accurate as a finger print, there nothing stopping some Wesley Crusher Trekkie wannabe from making a voice recording and taking over the ship, er uh we mean bank account. As well, the manner in which a person’s speech sounds are habitually formed and articulated can be mimicked by a skilled performer, so a recording may not even be necessary.

#3 The Problem: Cheap bastards are forgetting their wallet all the time.

TightARSE Wallet

Solution: Finger Print chip credit card system

"Just when you thought money couldn't get any dirtier"

"Just when you thought money couldn't get any dirtier"

Why it could happen. Terrorism, Money Laundering, Tax Evasion, Tax Collection, and more. You name it and there is a way you can hide money in it or make money from it. A fingerprint ID could be a way to keep your money on hand so to speak.

Why it Sucks: “Hey man, give me your finger”. On the bright side, we can only be robbed ten times. Not to mention “roofie colada anyone?” Now we know they just went home with us to get our money. At least it wasn’t cuz they were drunk enough to think we were attractive.

#4 Problem: My Cellphone keeps going out of style and I have to buy new ones.

Yes, Cell phones go out of style faster than today’s celebrity leaked naked photos.  Our Advice? Stop trying to keep up with forward moving technology and move backwards.

Solution: Show off your individuality with a Rotary Cell phone. It will never go out of date because it already is.

It's still smaller than those first 80s cell phones.

It's still smaller than those first 80s cell phones.

Why it could happen: Basically, if there is a market for it, there will be a product.

Why it sucks – Yes nostalgia is cool, but some things are better off dead, and the rotary cell phone is one of them. Nobody answers the telephone with Edison’s “ahoy ahoy” catch phrase anymore. Most importantly, a cell phone is a great tool for emergencies and if you have to call 911 you don’t want to be waiting for that stupid dial to get from 9 back to 1. Also text messaging is probably out.

#5 The Problem: Bodies are Breakable

The Solution: Transplant a human Brain into a robot!

Why it May Happen: Brain–machine interface or A brain–computer interface (BCI), is a direct communication pathway between a brain and an external device (like a robot). The concept of brainwave technology has been under research since the early 1970s at UCLA with funding from the National Science Foundation and DARPA

When Earth Turns into the Planet of the Apes You Humans will be My Experimental Guinea Pigs

When Earth Turns into the Planet of the Apes You Humans will be My Experimental Guinea Pigs"

We now have brainwave technology in toys. For example the “Force Trainer” uses such technology to allow you to move and object with your mind. (actually your brain controls a fan that blows a ball up a tube, but same idea)

forcetrainer123

Why it Sucks: Now this may seem like a good idea, but the next step would be transplanting a brain into a computer, and everyone who has seen the matrix knows how that works out.

Perhaps it will be the Amish who inherit the earth, laughing at the brains in the Jars that make up the matrix.

Sources:

The FBI is trying to develop a system that could make your voice as unique and recognizable as your fingerprint. Although not yet at its peak potential. http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=18479095

Mobile computing principles: designing and developing mobile applications … By Reza B’Far

Automatic speech recognition “she’ll speak her pin code” Computer telephony encyclopedia By Richard Grigonis pg 38

Automated fingerprint identification systems (AFIS)

By Peter Komarinski

Fingerprints Replacing Credit Cards at Retail Stores

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,206424,00.html

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Jason Scott

"They will Rue the Day They Gave Me Free Reign Over this Blog" Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! (insert evil into laughter)

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