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Jason Scott

"They will Rue the Day They Gave Me Free Reign Over this Blog" Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! (insert evil into laughter)

4 Impossible Places You’ve Been Able to Make Calls From for Quite Awhile

Written by Jason Scott. Posted in Daily Daft

If you can remember something called the Cantel Amigo, you may have just realized that you are now old. For those of you who don’t remember the Cantel Amigo or the battery back pack cell phones, you may not remember how limited the reception was in the world of wireless communications. Calls would notoriously just disconnect, so often in fact that when one person hung up on another pretending to have bad reception, the caller on the other end actually believed it was an accident.

Technology has a way of moving really fast, and in the last 15 years, wireless technology has come a long way. Here are a few places you can make a phone call that would have been unimaginable 15 years ago.

#4 Under Water

If you were thinking of becoming the first person to tweet underwater, you’re too late.  Julia Gorodetskaya sent the first “documented” underwater tweet from a dolphinarium in Odessa, Ukraine.

The dolphins were said to be “unimpressed” believing their sonar technology to be far superior to our pitiful little human gadgets. However, underwater communication devices have also come along way. With the stupid non breathable and undrinkable ocean water covering 70% of our planet, the majority of the earth has been inaccessible to cellphone technology.

With this in mind a company called Ocean Reef has introduced a floating buoy that connects to a divers face mask in case they get an important phone call while they are spear fishing or treasure hunting.

So can I call someone from underwater?

The answer is yes. Just not wirelessly yet.

Because radio waves don’t travel through thick electrical conductors like water very well, submarines have been using ELF transmissions (extremely low frequency) for chit chat. Unfortunately, the antennas are usually over 50 Kilometers in length and require a serious amount of power.

Thus, the advancement of underwater cellphone communications will probably be based upon some type of cell phone buoy towers and underwater relays all run by the new king of Atlantis (whoever that may be)

On a side note, all submarines in the U.S. Navy do come with an underwater phone called a “Gertrude” that combines radio wave frequencies for transmissions through surface water, but who has the time or energy to bring a submarine with them when they go swimming, so this technology is still pretty useless.

#3 The Desert

Well if your out in the middle of the desert, there is a chance that your cellphone wont work. This is why day trippers on peyote and Mexican insanity peppers are starting to carry satellite phones on their desert spirit walks.

“Did you guys see the size of that Chicken!” – Dirty Steve, Young Guns.

So can I get calls in the middle of the dessert?

You bet! Satellite phones are like the yang to a cell phones yin. The farther away you are from society and the more open space you are in, the better reception your satellite phone gets. These phones use the Public Switched Telephone Network or “PTSN” that serves as a cell phone network.

Unfortunately, satellite phones offer horrible reception when inside, which is part of the reason behind why they haven’t caught on.

On top of Mountains

At the highest point of the earth, the summit of Mount Everest has become part of the 3G network. You can now make video calls, tweet your friends, update your facebook or submit a late project from your laptop.

You may be thinking “But Rod Barber made a phone call back in 2007 from Mount Everest? Why would they upgrade this technology before improving my reception on the Subway?”

Believe it or not, there are a record number of tourists who see Mount Everest as a viable leisure destination? Hmmmm, party on a beach, or climbing a cold, windy unforgiving mountain known for its fatalities?

Although we suspect their must be some kind of high caused from the brain’s lack of oxygen when climbing that is probably something similar to the effects of beer, we would still rather hit the beach.

Oh well to each his or her own.

Outer Space

Anyone who has heard the line “One small step for man” is probably aware that humans can communicate with people in outer space. This doesn’t mean that if you have an astronaut friend that you can just call them up at their space station to satisfy your curiosity about applying anti gravity techniques to the Kama Sutra. It does mean however, that this technology is over 40 years in the making and probably close to a new breakthrough.

Disruption Tolerant Networking (DTN)

No this is not a new technology for dealing with kids who have Attention Deficit Disorder. DTN is the basis of NASA’s Interplanetary Internet System. Predicting the high cost of lunar habitation, NASA and the university of Colorado decided to get a jump on future phone bills by designing a communication system that doesn’t rely on “point to point” transmission.

Back in November 2008, Space images were sent with DTN protocols from the EPOXI spacecraft back to NASA’s deep space network. This success means the DTN network will most likely become the foundation for the future of moon to earth transmissions and be responsible for new types of inter planetary internet security to counteract the technological advancements of cyberporn and other types of censored material.

So can I call someone in space from my iPhone or Blackberry?

Not just yet. You just have to have the right reception or “transmitter/ receiver” a Cellular phone type of wireless communication is called ‘cellular’ because the system uses many base stations to divide a service area into multiple ‘cells’. Cellular calls are transferred from base station to base station as a user travels from cell to cell. This is the “old” type of mobile phones used by earthlings, and would require a very expensive set up on earth for a relay of just a small number of people.

Once either Research in Motion, Apple, or Google begin to supply phone access to the new DTN network, you’ll be able to make prank calls to and from space.  Until then, you’re stuck talking to boring humans.

The 5 Hardest Dances to Pull Off on the Dance Floor

Written by Jason Scott. Posted in Daily Daft

#1 The Geek in his Moment Dance.

Anyone who has seen Napoleon Dynamite knows how a geek can truly shine on the dance floor. This is easier said than done of course, since most of us don’t have Napoleon’s natural artistic talent.  Sometimes however, pulling off a geek dance is all about originality and image.

Some of you may remember Seth Green as the evil kid brother of the “dying to be cool” geek played by Patrick Dempsey in the film “Can’t buy Me Love.” During the movie, Patrick convinces the most popular girl in school (a cheer leader of course) to date him by bribing her with the $3000 he had saved up for a telescope so that she could buy a new dress. (the dress was a replacement for one she “borrowed” from her mother’s closet without permission and ruined accidentally).

During Patrick’s journey from geekdom to coolness, he attempts to learn to dance by watching Dick Clark’s show “American Band Stand.” Unfortunately for him, his little brother (Played by Seth Green) turned the station to the show “The African Cultural Hour,” where two exchange students from Lower Swahili,Charles Kibangi and Sandy Ubuki, were performing a dance known as “The Swahili African AntEater Ritual”  Patrick learned the dance, step for step and when it was time, he let it loose on the dance floor.

Now you would expect that when this pseudo cool geek unleashed these crazy moves on the dance floor, he would be laughed at and ridiculed by high school gawkers.   However, Patrick pulls it off due to his pure confidence (and support of his latest girlfriend) and next thing you know, its the cool new thing.

The African Anteater ritual may be something Hollywood made up, but we think its time this dance made a comeback to bars and clubs in everyone’s neighborhood.

Quote on the Dance floor: “He must be in Special Ed”

You can check check out Patrick Dempsey’s moves here: African Anteater Dance

#2 Interpretive Dance

Interpretive dance seeks to express the way you feel about things like; human conditions, situations, or your deepest fantasies, and then translates them into movements of a dramatic expression. It is traditionally used to communicate major characteristics through the exploration of a character’s origins, cultural influences, rhythms, movements, emotional manifestations, and intonations, as well as the stories inherent in the dances themselves.

However, the interpretive dance of a drunk on a dance floor is another story entirely. Here, the the intoxication of the alcohol acts as a catalyst to the deep rooted feelings engendered by the song or music leaving the dancer to express themselves though their movements in ways no other human being can possibly understand. To make matters worse, some people feel that a literal translation is required and attempt to create their own music video on the dance floor, which is really hard to pull off.  Every once in a while though, someone gets it right.
An example of it being done right can be seen here: Interpretive Dance for the Deaf

#3 The Out of Date Dance.

Every now and then a new “Fad Dance” comes along that inspires a whole bunch of people act like together like idiots on the dance floor. An example would be “The Macarena” the greatest one hit wonder of all time, later renamed “The Michelinas” by Corporate America.

If we travel back to the early 60s, we will find a dance called “The Twist” It inspired dances such as the Jerk, the Pony, the Watusi, the Mashed Potato, the Monkey and the Funky Chicken, although none were as popular as the twist.

The rules regarding the out of date dance are simply:

  1. The longer the dance has been out of style, the safer it is to bring back with a touch of your own individuality.
  2. Everything from the 70s is an exception and to be laughed at, unless the person is trying to be funny, then they should probably be ignored.
  3. Dance moves from an Era are not the same as Fad Dances from an era and as such are easier to pull off.
  4. The “Out of” Date dance has an ironic function of inflicting “can’t find a” date status on dancers.

#4 The Signature dance.

The signature dance is especially hard to pull off and is usually used as a form of derisive mimicry. For example the Elaine Dance from the show Seinfeld is hard to pull off. John Travolta has 2 signature moves that no other being on earth can pull off, and Micheal Jackson’s moonwalk really pisses other dancers off when you back into them, so its pretty much stuck on the stage.

Regardless of the level of cool, the signature dance is not something that should ever be done poorly. If you are Mimicing Elaine from Seinfeld, you need to dance like an idiot with style. If you are Mimicing John Travolta, you’re going to need more than a $5 Dollar shake.

To properly pull of a signature dance, you have to spend countless hours practicing the moves over and over in your parents basement. Basically when someone does a retro signature dance people say “ I remember that” and when someone does a brand new signature dance people say “That guy still lives with his mom”  i.e. the signature dance should be from the past.

#5 The Mating Dance.

Bower Bird Nest

Bower Bird Nest

This is usually where the Peacock shows his feathers.

Animal courtships may involve complex dances, songs, or displays of beauty and might. The Bower Bird for example, builds a nice house hoping a female will just stop by and move in.  The females then come by and check out how he decorates the place, and watch on as he puts his sweaty feathers to use.

Usually, if he has artistic talent, the male bower bird with find a bunch of females all vieing for his attention. However, like most courtship rituals, if the female isn’t impressed, you’ve gotta start over.

Now were not suggesting that a human male or female should copy the mating dance of different species and apply them on the dance floor.  That would be silly. We’re just saying that you will probably have to go through a whole bunch of different moves and failures before you successfully invent the perfect human mating dance.  One tip we can give you is that a successful mating dance has a combination of rhythm, style and hypnotism with a strong dose of confident persistence. If at first you don’t succeed, keep smiling like the dude in the video below.  Who knows? With the right smile you might just get lucky.

We saved The happy face mating dance for last because its by far the toughest one to pull off.

Here is the link of a true master at work: Happy Face Mating Dance

We hope you can pick up a few pointers.

5 Natural Wonders That Were Actually Man Made

Written by Jason Scott. Posted in Daily Daft, Funny But True

#1 Derweze Meaning “The Gate” (aka the door to hell)

Back in 1971 a bunch of profit seeking geologists found a very large deposit of natural gas. Unfortunately for them, the ground beneath their drilling rig collapsed and left a rather large hole that the locals call “The Door to Hell.” According to these geologists, it would only take a few days for all the gas to burn off and this would prevent any poisonous gas discharge. 40 years later, the site is still burning.

In April of 2010, some politicians got together and finally decided that the hole needed to be closed since they could find no ways to make it more profitable.

Here’s a last look at “The Gate To Hell”:

#2 The Panama Canal

Yep, the same canal that caused the stir with Noriega and had the US troops ravaging the entire country of Panama turns out to be man made.

So why didn’t they just build another one then?

As any good Realtor will tell you, Location, Location, Location.

When the canal opened, it was considered one of the technological achievements of the century. Both a strategic and economic asset to the U.S.A. The Panama Canal revolutionized the world’s shipping patterns allowing for much safer passage, and saving a total of almost 7,800 miles (12,500 km) on a trip from New York to San Francisco by sea.

Since the Canal’s handover to Panama in 1999, the income it has generated has gone from $769 Million in 2000 to 1.4 Billion in 2006, with the number of accidents has being cut in half.

At a measly $375 million to build, the Panama canal may just be the most profitable man made achievement of our time.

#3. Lake Nasser

Lake Nasser’s name is attributed to the President Gamal Nasser for achieving the ability to order other people to construct the lake for him. The Lake covers a total surface area of about 5,250 KM squared, which is about 25% bigger than Rhode Island. When the lake was built, 18 ancient temples had to be dismantled and relocated block by block. As well, entire villages were forced to move, while an entire river port seaway was lost beneath the new waters.

Currently, tourists enjoy some great sport fishing for Nile Perch on the lake that double serves as the only way to cross the Sudan-Egypt border outside of air Travel.

#4 Soda Springs Geyser

Soda Springs is an Idaho City whose namesake comes from the thousands of naturally carbonated springs that are located around it. A great place to make a fountain cherry coke or the new hippie drink called “nature pop,” soda springs is also the home of the legendary “Soda Springs Geyser,” a man made carbon dioxide generated cold water geyser.

We’re not really sure why someone wouldn’t attempt to grow wine here just for the curiosity factor, nor are we sure why a naturally carbonated pop from soda springs hasn’t taken off yet (other than the fact that hippies aren’t the best business people, save Ben and Jerry)

#5 Cascata delle Marmore

The 541 foot waterfall known as the Cascata delle Marmore (Marmore’s Falls) was actually constructed by the ancient Romans.  In 271 BC, the Roman consul Manlius Curius Dentatus ordered the construction of a canal (the Curiano Trench) in an effort to remove the threat of illness thought to be festering in the stagnant waters.

Marmore’s falls is the largest man made waterfall in the world. Unfortunately you can only see it for a few hours a day because the water is usually being diverted to a nearby power plant. So if you’re thinking of taking a trip to Terni Italy and you want to stop by the falls, make sure you’re there between 12 – 1 pm, or 4-5pm. The rest of the time, the waterfall is used to generate electricity for a nearby sick orphan coma hospital facility.

Okay, we made that last part up.

4 Reasons Why The New Airport Scanners Are a Good Idea

Written by Jason Scott. Posted in Daily Daft

Are They Watching you While You’re Naked?

Some people feel that new airport scanning technology could be invasive to their privacy and civil rights. We feel that these people aren’t looking at all the positive points of this new technology, and as such, we’ve compiled a list of advantages that most others may have overlooked.

#1 Medical Screening

There comes a time in most peoples lives (usually around 40 years of age) when they go into the doctors office for their yearly check up and come out completely horrified.

Why are they horrified?

Because their doctor has just told them they are going to shove a Sony camcorder up their @$$.   Now, for some this may be a rite of passage over the proverbial hill of middle age, but luckily, greater health and fortune comes to those who procrastinate until technology advances.

Electron beam tomography or EBT, is kind of like the new airport scanners and kind of like an MRI. EBT machines could give passengers a quick scan for security purposes and a quick health check up. Now at Daft Gadgets we took an assumed survey and pretended to ask 100 people which they would prefer:

#1. A security guard checking out their naked bodies?


#2. A medical doctor?

Most agreed upon the doctor.

Next we asked them

“would you volunteer to go through an airport scanner that could see you naked if it meant you could avoid having a camcorder shoved up your @$$?”

Surprisingly, most people said yes.

#2 Government Workers are Boring People.

The princess who never smiled by viktor vasnetsov

As we all know, government workers are not the most enthusiastic people on the planet. They are generally very bored from repeating the same service for a bunch of people who don’t respect them and think they are over paid.

At Daft Gadgets we conducted another study based upon how internet porn affected our work efficiency. It turns out that a happy worker is also a productive worker.  We set out to write 5 articles about the new iphone and 10 articles about porn. The results were staggering.  It turned out that the 10 articles on porn were completed and fully edited before anyone even got to the research on the new iPhone. This means that a little porn here and there via the workplace could increase worker productivity and alertness, causing less mistakes and helping society as a whole in combating terrorism.  Which brings us to #3…….

#3 Porn is Valuable

Because these Airport X-Rays can show a persons body without revealing their face, it is quite possible to create a profitable business selling airport security porn. Of course the passenger would have to sign a waiver in lieu of some sort of compensation, like say a free ticket, but it could be a very profitable business.

The pictures of naked passengers could be put in card packs kinda like the bubble gum packs of baseball cards. Each day there could be another set of pictures that could be purchased at the airport gift shoppe. Imagine if you will, a celebrity walking though one of the airport scanners. Now imagine the chaos of 1000s of people lined up for the airport trading cards with the hopes of getting a Jessica Alba card or a Megan fox MVP….. Very profitable. So profitable in fact that even with the price of oil as high as it is, flying could become the most common form of public transit.

# 4 Super Powers

Now one of the concerns regarding these airport scanners is not just a concern of privacy, its a concern of health. With all this radiation zapping in and out of people we can surely say that at some point somebody is going to develop a super power of some sort.

What better way to catch terrorists than to create superheroes?

As you can see, the faster we can equip our airports with these new devices the better off and safer we will all be. Go to your congress representative today and demand their support of new Airport Screening Technology.

airport scanner

The Parkflyers RC Spitfire Plane Owns the Sky

Written by Jason Scott. Posted in Gadgets, RC Zone

An Actual Scale RC Version of the famous WW2 Supermarine Spitfire Plane

The Supermarine Spitfire Plane was a British fighter aircraft in service throughout the Second World War and beyond. A Much loved Aircraft by its pilots, the Spitfire was employed in several roles, including interceptor, photo-reconnaissance, fighter-bomber, carrier-based fighter, and trainer.

This Electric R/C Flier is a perfect representation of the Spitfire with extraordinary artwork.

The Spitfire is controlled by a 2.4GHZ spectrum technology radio/receiver system that blocks out any interference from other RC Pilots. This allows you complete comfort when performing the planes aerobatic movements like inside/outside loops, axial rolls, inverted flight, knife edge, stall turns, hammerheads, and spins.

Also included in the electric R/C plane’s arsenal of state of the art components are: a Brushless Outrunner High Torque Motor, Sensorless 20 amp Brushless Speed Control, and 1300mah 11.1 Volt Li-Po Battery Pack, and more.

The Anti-wind performance is good, allowing you to take off the Radio Control system completely during up-wind flight. lighter than other electric RC models of the same size and style, the spitfire’s lifting force is strong, while its glide is extremely stable.

The Rudder Facilitates easy lift off by aiding the steering of the plane while grounded.

Constructed with A Shock Resistant Reinforced fuselage with Strong Wings, the Spitfire can suffer a few hard landings without going Kamikaze.

Re-enact the Battle of Britain, or Pear Harbor, It just up to your imagination

The A Much loved Aircraft by its pilots, the Spitfire Plane was employed in several roles

The A Much loved Aircraft by its pilots, the Spitfire Plane was employed in several roles


  • Motor- Brushless 1200,
  • Radio: 4 chan 2.4 Ghz,
  • Servos- (4) Sub-micro,
  • Charger: A/C Peak 2-3 Cell,
  • Battery- 1300 mah Lipo 11.1v,
  • ESC: 20 Amp Brushless, Range- 4000 Feet
  • Wing Span- 35 inches,
  • Length- 32.5 inches,
  • Weight- 24 ounces,

What Do These Features Mean?

Radio: Digital Spectrum Technology is state of the art for radio control systems. A Globally Unique Identification Code (GUIC) is assigned to every radio transmitter when its made. The receiver is programmed to identify the unique code in what is called the ‘binding process’ essentially binding or locking the transmitter and receiver together when they turn on. This blocks out other codes or radio signals that could interfere with your aircraft causing it to crash. DSM technology also has a faster response time from the transmitter to the plane than PPM or PCM Radio systems, allowing for better control on 3D Acrobatics.

Motor: Brushless motors can be up to 300% more powerful than brushed motors since they work without friction, this means they last longer as well.

Kv Rating: Refers to Revolutions per Minute (RPM) per Volt, so the 1200Kv motor powered by the 11.1v Li-Poly battery (Li-Po) will yield 1200 x 11.1 = 13,320 RPM with no load

Li-Po: Stands for Lithium-ion Polymer (Li-Po) The newest major development in RC battery cell technology. Offering more power, and longer run times than NiCD and NiMH. Li-Po batteries have dramatically transformed the face of electric rc flight to the point where they are competing with Nitro fueled planes.

Electronic Speed Controls or ESCs, plug directly into your aircraft’s receiver throttle slot as opposed to linking to a servo. ESCs allow the maximum voltage through dependent on on the throttle stick position. The micro-processor in an ESC opens and closes tens of times a second to let the current pass, creating a much more efficient speed control than older mechanical versions

Servos: Generally each “Channel” controls a “servo”, and each “servo” controls a “Control Surface”. The Smaller and more accurate the servos, the better the performance of the aircraft.

Control Surfaces:

The Four Primary controls of an airplane are:

  • Throttle (motor control, or speed control. Think of propeller)
  • Elevator (Hinged section of the back of the tail that move up and down, when they are up the nose goes up for climbing, when they are down the nose goes down for diving. This is known as the pitch altitude)
  • Ailerons (Hinged sections of the back of the Wing for rolling. One side goes up while the other side goes down, this causes the roll motion)
  • Rudder (The Tail’s “FIN”). Used for steering, if the rudder turns left the plane foes right and vice versa)

These are collectively known as control surfaces, these are the same as those found on real airplanes and control the RC model in exactly the same way.

The Spitfire Plane is Back in Stock at Get your before they run out again!

The Top 3 Super Dead Girlfriends of All Time.

Written by Jason Scott. Posted in Daily Daft

So what makes a girlfriend super dead you ask?

Well, two things really. They have to be “Super” in that they are the girlfriend worthy of a super hero (we accept that superheroes can be women, we just couldn’t find any lesbian super heroes for our list), as well they have to die, leaving the hero in a type of agony that only a truly evil villain could create.

Now if you are looking for a list of a bunch of dead superchicks, you might want to try out the site: women in refrigerators, otherwise here we go.

#3 Jean Grey

Okay, so she’s hot. No seriously, she actually catches on fire! To top that, she’s also telekinetic, so if you’ve never had a “mind job” you could be in for a real treat. Of course shes also telepathic so you want to make sure you have the discipline to think only “good” thoughts (or the kind of dirty she happens to like).

Originally known as Marvel Girl, Jean Grey may be the most fantasized about “Super Girlfriend” in the comic book universe. This isn’t just because of this new “mind job” type experience she is known for,  she is also known for her loving personality too, depending on who’s telling the story.

Jean Grey went from being the weak marvel girl to becoming the unstoppable “Phoenix.” She did this  by channeling her power of love toward the goal of saving her team members and boyfriend Scott Summers.

By becoming a being of pure thought (kinda like a Buddhist reaching nirvana) Jean Grey gets reborn as “the Phoenix” with immense powers. However, as her new powers corrupt her, she begins to drive for new experiences and becomes a slave to the instantaneous wants of her emotions.

Although we’re sure this had some appealing side effects in the bedroom, the dark side of phoenix became a mass murderer and was killed by her true personality “Jean Grey” by way of suicide when Jean became lucidly present for a brief moment and figured out what her alter ego was up to.

So unfortunately in this case, a mind job is probably out of the question.  But it was worth a thought.

#2. Elektra

Elektra’s character first appeared in Daredevil #168, during the time of Frank Miller. The daughter of a Greek ambassador; and a college flame of Matt Murdock (DareDevil), Elektra vanished for years after the assassination of her father; only to later become an assassin herself as a tool of the Kingpin

When Elektra was 20 years old, she and her father were kidnapped by terrorists. Here, Matt Murdoch  donned the mask of Daredevil for the first time, and it was in the name of love.

Although Elektra’s father was killed in a police shootout, the emotive encounters between Daredevil and his onetime flame continued years later when she was working for his arch enemy, the kingpin.  This created a love “DeJa Vu” and eventually they fell in love all over again.

Unfortunately, one of Daredevils enemies (Bullseye) ended up stabbing her with her own weapon right around the time their love began to re-bloom, leaving her to crawl back and die in Daredevil’s arms. Daredevil took this to be somewhat traumatic, and would later go into bouts of madness and dementia creating ridiculous resurrection schemes that included digging up her lifeless corpse for necromancy purposes (Yes we said necromancy not necrophiliac)

#1. Gwen Stacy

The tale of Gwen Stacy is very similar to the tale of Mary Jane Watson in the first Spiderman Movie. Essentially the Green Goblin finds out that Peter Parker is Spiderman and seeks to attack his heart.  Doing so, he captures Peter’s first love, Gwen Stacy.

The Goblin later throws her off a bridge leaving  Spiderman to catch her with his webbing. Unfortunately for Gwen, the writers at Marvel Comics decided to obey Newtons laws of motion.  This meant that the sudden stop from free fall caused Gwens neck to snap like a twig, just like real life.  Enraged, Spiderman nearly kills the Green Goblin in retaliation, but in the end stays true to his hero form, just as Gwen would have wanted, leaving the Goblin to get killed by his own glider.

The Death of Gwen Stacy may have been the first where such a loved character both suddenly died and in turn helped deepen and recreate a super hero’s identity. A Pivotal point in the history of comic books, Gwen Stacy’s death brought an end to an era known in the comic book world as: The Silver Age.

Although comic book death can be cheapened by resurrections, and to a lesser extent, parallel universes and dimensions,  some comic book character deaths leave an emotional void in their audience, deepening our connection between fantasy and reality. When a character has this kind of power over a reader, the character’s death makes their life moments and lessons learned, remembered by the reader giving their story immortality.

5 Extinct Species That Probably Never Existed

Written by Jason Scott. Posted in Daily Daft

#1 The Chimera

Not to be confused with “kimura” (The Brazilian Jiu Jitsu reverse arm lock made popular in MMA fighting) the Chimera was a monstrous fire breathing female creature compiled of a lion’s head and body, with a tail that turns into a snake, with an extra goats head on top facing backward.

Legend has it that the Chimera mated with her brother “Orthrus” and gave birth to both the the sphinx and Nemean lion (the one Hercules fought) she was later defeated when the hero “Bellerophon” shot her like a coward from the sky while flying on Pegasus.

The Historian “Pliny the Elder” Said the Chimera was a reference to a place of land in an area known for permanent gas vents found on the Lycian Way in southwest Turkey. This land was used as a “light house” type landmark by ancient sailors.  See below.

Chimera in Lycia

Chimera in Lycia

#2 The Griffin

Griffins were the kings of the weird creatures as they had the body of a lion (King of Beasts) and the Head of an Eagle (king of birds)

Like most freaks of nature, the Griffin didn’t last long on its trip through evolution. Some scientists feel that because the Griffin had the head and wings of an eagle, it probably thought if could fly, supporting its massive lion’s body. This may have caused the Griffin to jump off the top of pyramids or into canyons, and may have led to the accidental suicide and self extinction of species as a whole.

Other Scientists feel that Cryptozoologists aren’t real scientists, and that a creature like the Griffin didn’t exist. They feel it is much more likely that it was a myth to scare thieves away from treasure chambers and tombs.

#3 The Hippogriff.

What happens when you mate a Hippopotamus with a Griffin? Who knows? When a Griffin gets it on with a Horse however, their offspring is a “Hippogriff” Like a griffin, it has the head of an eagle, claws armed with talons, and wings covered with feathers, the rest of its body being that of a horse.

The Beast was thought to be extremely rare among the other creatures that didn’t exist, due to the fact that Giffins usually ate horses. Our modern day saying “When Pigs Fly” can be translated to the medieval times expression: “To Mate a griffin with a horse!” which was to express something very unlikely.

The Hippogriff is said to fly faster than lightning and has found itself reborn in many fantasy adventures including the Harry Potter series and the online gaming universe found inside the World of Warcraft.

#4 The Harpy

The Harpy, AKA “Snatcher” was seen as the personification of the destructive nature of wind, as harpies were cruel and violent creatures.Known as scavengers who steal food, the harpy could be likened to a part seagull, part vulture, part wicked witch of the west.

The Stories of Harpies are best known for their part in the torture of Phineas, the king of Thrace. Here, the Greek God Zeus, blinded the king for being psychic, and punished him by placing the King on an island with a large buffet of food protected by the evil torturous harpies.

Of course the real harpy or “American Harpy Eagle” is much nicer to be around and carries a much more distinguished look.

Im not that kind of Harpy

"Im not that kind of Harpy"

#5 The Sphinx

Traditionally a female, the Sphinx is as deceitful as she is sadistic. A sphinx is a monster with a head of a woman, the body of a lioness, the wings of an eagle, and a serpent headed tail. According to Greek legend she will eat you raw if you cannot answer her riddle, so an argument can be made that she works to better the human species by making it smarter.

When most people think of the Sphinx however, they don’t think of the treacherous maneater, but rather the typical “androsphinx” (no this is not Leon Spinx now on steroids after losing to Mike Tyson). The Androsphinx was seen as more of a benevolent guardian of the entrances to sacred places.

The Word Sphinx comes from the ancient Greek verb “sphingo” which means to squeeze.

If you need a mental image to remember useless facts like these you can imagine the word “sphincter” knowing derives from the same root.

6 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Believe Your Eyes

Written by Jason Scott. Posted in Daily Daft, Funny But True

Unlike back in the 1960s, nowadays you don’t have to ingest some strange mushrooms or desert cactus in order to hallucinate. The drug of the modern day is technology, and we can’t get enough of it.

One way technology enhances our lives is by taking us into alternate universes, be it a 3D blockbuster movie, or an online gaming world of avatars, friends, foes, and more relationship categories than any boring “unplugged” society can dream up.

So why do we get so caught up in these computer enhanced realities?

Simple. Because they trick our minds into believing what we see is real, and we welcome it. But just because you enjoy the illusion doesn’t mean you should become fervently obsessed like some crazed Wrestling fan who is angry enough to fight his own friends because the rock cheated the night before in smack down.  At Daft Gadgets we support the occasional trip into fantasy, we just want to make sure we stay grounded.

So how does this technology trick us? Let’s take a look…….

Sometimes the independent parts of an image or object can distort the perception of an object as a whole. Most optical illusions are the result of inharmonious or discordant visuals at the ends of parallel lines, back ground patterns, high contrast areas, after images, or just the inability to comprehend or interpret the spatial structure of an object. (kind of like explaining a paradox to a robot)

Here are a few examples of how these illusions work and why seeing shouldn’t always = believing.

Physiological Illusions (Biological Illusions)

These types of illusions are thought to be caused by a physiological imbalance that alters the observers perception. By exposing the eyes to excessive stimuli (brightness, tilt, color, movement, etc) the brain creates individual dedicated paths in the early stages of visual processing leading to the imbalance in perception. These illusions are believed to be of a more “biological” nature.

Two examples physiological illusions can be seen below.

Example #1 – After Image

Stare at the image for 60 seconds and the look at a white screen

Stare at the image for 60 seconds and the look at a white screen

If you stare at this picture for 20-60 seconds and then stare at white space you will see the reverse image. This version of physiological illusion is known as an after image.

Example #2 The Hermann grid illusion.

Until recently the Hermann grid illusion was believed to come from a physiological imbalance that is explained by what is known as “lateral inhibition.” Here, the receptive field of the light and dark receptors become active with one another in a sort of battle between light and darkness in a Sith/Jedi standstill. This creates imaginary white/black hybrid dots in the grid intersections. Unfortunately, scientists now believe that lateral inhibition is probably not the cause, so it looks like Darth Vader and the darkside of the force are off the hook again.

Cognitive illusions

These types of illusions are believed to be caused by inferences people make with their subconscious or rather “unconscious” minds. These illusions fall into broader categories being fictional illusions, (like those experienced by a schizophrenic or someone on a hallucinogenic substance,) Ambiguous illusions, Distorting illusions, paradox illusions, or a combination of more than one.

Example # 3 Ambiguous Illusions

Ambiguous illusions are pictures that allow the observer two different points of perception. The Rubin vase is probably the best and most common example of an ambiguous illusion.

Rubin Vase

When shown an ambiguous illusion for the first time, the observer will often see only one interpretation. This is partly due to the power of a first impression created by the mind. When the brain interprets something, it has a tendency to focus and identify things based upon their surroundings. We don’t just judge people by the clothes they wear and who they hang out with, we also make judgments based upon things that stand out. Its kind of like if you saw $20 bucks lying on the ground, you’re not going to be focusing on the ground. When things don’t stand out, our minds tend to “create” the perception by shaping what it sees. This “shaping” function overrides the feature recognition process and essentially creates its own opinion of what is sees.

Example #4 Distorting illusions

Distorting illusions are characterized by distortions of size, length, or curvature. The “Cafe Wall” is an example of how “border locking” can cause a “deja vu” like chaos with our brain. Here the brain is actually making predictions of where the mortar lines will lead. You’ll notice, that only the parts “out of focus” appear to be bent or moving. In a sense, your brain is predicting the future.

Example #5 Paradox illusions

This type of illusion uses images that are impossible to exist within a 3 dimensional universe. One example being The Penrose Square or Staircase

(remember the movie inception) The paradox illusion works by focusing the observer on segments of an object, rather than the object as a whole. For instance, if one were in a lucid dream, climbing a penrose stair case, they would probably believe that they are moving up, when in fact, they were only going in circles.

Example # 6 A Silhouette illusion.

You may have seen this illusion while surfing the net. It’s based upon your brain not having a reference point for each individual snapshot. When this happens your brain chooses one for you and each picture interpreted after will use the same reference point as the first giving the series of pictures the impression of spin. If you look at the break down of the images below you can see that each frame can actually be viewed as a sort of ambiguous illusion that shows itself and its own reflection. Once you teach your brain to see both sides of the images, you will be able to change the perceived direction of the dancer simply by blinking.

Each Limb Could belong to either the left side or right side.

Imagine how the dancer would look with each arm and leg as belonging to both her left side and right side.

There are many more examples of optical illusions found in everything from abstract painting and art, to 3D technology, to those crazy infomercials you see on TV at 3 AM. Today’s society is filled with some wonderful illusions that can capture your imagination and entertain you for hours on end. Just make sure you don’t actually “buy in” to everything you see. Seeing, shouldn’t always = believing.

The 6 Most Ridiculously Rich Zombies in The World

Written by Jason Scott. Posted in Daily Daft

Have you ever felt like you were doing all the work, while some over paid zombie got all the credit? If so, you are not alone.

Not long ago, things like money, respect, and recognition of artistic achievement, were held back from artists until they found the rite of passage of converting to Zombieism. Once a full convert, they would be accepted by society and rewarded quite handsomely.

However, Zombieism is no longer just for starving painters.  Zombieism now recruits financially successful people as well and is well on its way to becoming the most profitable religion on the planet.  Boasting more members than all the worlds other major religions combined, Zombieism also gets major celebrity endorsements that make Tom Cruise’s support of Scientology look insignificant in comparison.

Here at Daft Gadgets, we have compiled a list of some of the richest zombie moneymakers out there.

The First being…….

#1 Elvis

The King of Rock n Roll

The King of Rock n Roll

With all the Elvis sightings out there we know he must be alive. We know that rumors spread by word of mouth or via the internet are almost always 100% accurate, but we also know that the government says Elvis is dead, and we know the Government never lies. How can this be?

Simple. Elvis is zombie. We don’t know who the first zombie to come out of the closet will be, but we suspect at this point that the return of Elvis would spark much more fuss than that of Hoffa’s or Deacon Brodie’s.

How much does Zombie Elvis make?

Elvis reported earnings of $60 Million dollars last year, which is $9.5 million over his 9 year average of $50.5 Million (USD).  Growing steady each year, from $35 Million in 2000 to an estimated 62 million in 2011, Elvis has proven to be one of the highest earning zombies today.

Whats his claim to fame?

He’s known as the “King” of Rock and Roll.

What has he done lately?

Well his Graceland Mansion can bring in over $15 Million just in admission fees, let alone all the trademark Elvis gear you can buy in grace land while your visiting.

Zombie Elvis also rakes in money from the his famous “Heartbreak” Hotel, and Memphis restaurant (we assume they sell the fried peanut butter and banana sandwich)

Zombie Elvis also retains a strong acting career, appearing in commercials for Lipton Brisk Iced Tea, Energizer Batteries, AIG, Nike, Toyota and Apple Computer.

His singing career has enjoyed comeback hits like; “A Little Less Conversation” which held the No. 1 spot in the UK for 4 weeks after its introduction at the World Cup. It pulled in about $4 Million in 2001. In 2002 zombie Elvis released a techno adaptation of his long forgotten song “Rubberneckin”. On top of that he released another new song “I’m a Roustabout”.  In 2004 he appeared in the Broadway musical “All shook up” and later added his name and theme to the ever popular Cirque du Soleil. In more recent years he has launched his own Sirius Satellite Radio show, blasting his voice as far as the radio waves can reach.

“Badboy” Zombie Elvis booted “nice guy” Ken from Barbie’s Playhouse when he made a return to the Mattel toys lineup as a limited collectors edition doll titled “Jail House Rock” in 2005. With new licensing ventures all the time from the prestigious “Martin” Guitars, to the ever evolving list of Las Vegas slot machines, Elvis Presley’s income will probably continue its climb for as long as he remains a Zombie.  If you think you might want a piece of this zombie’s income stream you can look into buying shares in the company CKX Entertainment, which owns 85% of Zombie Elvis’s income stream.

#2 Charles Schulz

How Much Does He Make?

On the 12th day of the first February of the new millennium, Charles Schulz decided to stop working for peanuts and instead chose to successfully convert to zombieism. Since his conversion he has been raking in an average of $35 million per year

What’s his Claim to Fame?

Probably Snoopy, but most people would say Charlie Brown. (Schulz also coined the term “security blanket” for met life)

What has he done lately?

Around 2,500 newspapers all over the world still carry the story of Charlie Brown and the “Peanuts” gang even though there hasn’t been a fresh comic since the January of 2000. However, 95% of Zombie Schulz’s income spawns from licensing agreements for pretty much anything you can buy in China

The partnership between the Peanuts comic strip and Warner Bros studios sparked a spate of new DVD releases with fresh Peanuts content. The release sent the cult cartoons into the home of millions of children who will presumably watch them in Barney and Disney fashion until their parents go insane.

ABC has rolled out a new Peanuts Valentine’s Day special and Peanuts-themed retail stores are opening around the world. Retro fashions like Peanuts-emblazoned clothing can be everywhere from Wal-Mart Stores to H&M. Urban Outfitters is even pushing their own line of T-shirts, and even replicas of Linus’s famous “security blanket”. According to Hallmark, Snoopy and the gang appear on one in five greeting cards. Snoopy has found work as a mascot for both Met life and Pepsi Cola, and China has even introduced a set of stamps featuring Snoopy in different locations throughout the country.

Zombie Schulz has earns the #2 spot here for consistency. Earning a steady 35 million per year, without over saturating the market, Schulz is proving he can still bring in the bucks.

#3 John Lennon

John Lennon was forcefully converted to Zombieanism by Mark David Chapman at 10:50 pm December 8th 1980. Since his conversion he has made millions of dollars and helped numerous charitable organizations. Lennon has averaged over $23 million a year since the year 2000, with his peak earnings coming in at $44 Million in 2006

What’s his claim to fame?

His fame came from his music with the epic band The Beatles and he currently holds the #1 or #2 spot for the most number one hits of all time, depending how you credit his compilation work with Paul McCartney. Like all the other Zombies on the list, there is much more to the man behind the fame, and like most creators, his work was only just a reflection of his true self.

What has he done lately?

Music publishing royalties, merchandising and licensing agreements create the main income stream of this over achieving zombie. Lennon’s estate has licensing agreements for things like signed prints of his work, a line of sterling silver jewelry and even a line of kids’ toys and clothes called “Real Love”. The “Real Love” line of goods are based on drawings that John did to help his son Sean learn to read.

As for his stage career, a John Lennon documentary was released in September 2002, called John Lennon: The Messenger. In 2005 there was a broadway musical called “lennon” and following that a new documentary in 2006 titled “The U.S. Vs. John Lennon” which recounted stories of his peace activism and battles with the U.S. Government. More recently zombie Lennon has received profits from a successful Beatles themed show in the Las Vegas Mirage called Cirque du Soleil “Love”

His Music career is still growing as the “Gimme Some Truth” campaign re-released much of Lennon’s catalog, resulting in several Top 10 chart appearances, and he’s still earning big buck from his hit video game “Beatles Rock Band” proving that as technology grows, so does Mr Lennon’s estate.

#4 Dr. Seuss (Theodor Geisel)

How much does he make?

Dr Seuss converted to zombieanism on September 24th 1991. For the past decade Dr. Seuss has been making around $16 million per year.

What’s his Claim to Fame?

The best selling childrens author in history is known for creating beloved characters like Horton, The Grinch, The Cat in the Hat and many more.

What has he done since converting to zombieanism?

Horton, the Grinch and his other iconic characters are now reaching audiences through multimedia devices like iPhone apps and tablets, as well as recently launching a Seuss Themed Promotional Game on Facebook. Zombie Suess’ earns income from a variety of sources like publishing, merchandising, TV rights, art sales, and even the Seuss Landing theme park at General Electric’s Universal’s Islands of Adventure in Orlando, Fla.

As for his film and stage career, there may be a movie in every book. This means there are a possible 44 Dr Suess movies out there, which is more than enough to get an innovated technologically recycled version for every new generation to come. Zombie Suess has also made a stage adaptation of How The Grinch Stole Christmas and a musical titled “Seussical”

All in all, with the majority of the zombie Suess’s money going to charity, it looks like the Grinch will be paying Christmas forward for a very long time.

#5 Albert Einstein

How Much Does he Make?

We’re not sure how much money Einstein has made since he converted to zombieism on April 18th of 1955, but we do know that Zombie Einstein has averaged over $15.2 million over the last 5 years.

What’s his claim to fame?

E=mc2 and the nuclear bomb seem to be his claim to fame, which is unfortunate because he really didn’t have anything to do with the conception of the Fatman or the little boy and E=MC2 was actually an after thought of his theory of special relativity. Anyway, just like everyone else on his list, there was more to the man than the fame.  Einstein also achieved fame among his peers for the discovery of the Photo Electric Effect, which deserves mention.

How does Zombie Einstein make his cash?

Zombie Einstein is now empowering babys to be more intelligent with his “Baby Einstein” Brand. The scientist’s estate has also expanded into the video game universe

International licensing deals with both Nestlé and the Toyota Prius in Japan, a mall in Germany named Das Einstein, a sneaker campaign with basketball player Kobe Bryant, and more. His name has appeared in everything from the hit animated series “Little Einsteins” to a McDonald’s happy meal.

Other lucrative tie-ins include Italy’s Banca Profilo’s “Face Value” campaign, Chrysler’s Ram brand truck ads and a collection of A.J. Morgan “geek chic” glasses. All royalties from Einstein’s name and image go to Jerusalem’s Hebrew University

It appears that if a fool and his money are soon parted, Einstein has definitely proven that even in death he’s no fool.

In the end the popularity feeds the licensing revenue and the licensing revenue feeds the popularity. This is the Zombie theory of relativity.

#6 Micheal Jackson

Although The King of Pop made a brief appearance in the world of zombieism when he made the video “Thirller” he didn’t officially convert to the religon until  the 25th of June 2009.  Because of this, the consistency of his income has yet to be established.  However we feel that Jackson may have the potential to be one of the most successful Zombies of all time.  Here’s why:

What’s he known for?

His music and performances.  He’s known as the King of Pop Music and recognized by Guiness World Records as the most successful entertainer of all time.

What’s he Done Lately?

Jackson has showed himself to be a shrewd negotiator since converting to zombieism.  Since his conversion he has landed a merchandising deal and the rights to his name and likeness for the Sony film “This Is It.” A Film that happened to bring in over a quarter of a billion dollars in Renvenue.

However, in 1985, just 3 years after Jackson was exploring the life of a zombie through his “method acting” performance in the Hit video thriller, he set up a brilliant financial move that would secure an income string for many years after his full conversion.  Dishing out $47.5 million, Jacskon secured a catalog that had the rights to 250 Beatles songs. He sold 50% to Sony for 90 Million in 1995 at a 400% profit and formed a new joint venture called Sony/ATV

Zombie Michael still owns half the catalog, which now contains half a million songs, including titles by Elvis Presley, Bob Dylan, Lady Gaga, Eminem and Beyoncé. This is said to bring in about $50 Million per year for the newly recruited zombie.

If Zombie Jackson was ever to follow in the foot steps of zombie Elvis, he could become the most powerful zombie of all time.  Imagine if you will a Neverland style Graceland connected to a “Thriller” Them park.  What sells in Theme parks? Fear and scary rides.  A thriller theme park could have everything from crazy wax museums, to technologically advanced haunted houses, and of course all the greatest roller coaster rides in the world.

The possibilities (and profits) would be endless.

6 Animals That Will Drive You Barking Mad

Written by Jason Scott. Posted in Daily Daft

#1 Chihuahuas.

I am the most annoying dog in the universe

I am the most annoying dog in the universe

Yes, its a dog, but just barely.

Why Do Chihuahuas Bark?

The Scientific answer is still unknown, but its probably because Chihuahuas feel a need to live up to the expectation of being the most annoying dogs in the universe.

Will a Chihuahua Drive Me Mad?

Possibly.  A Chihuahua’s favorite game is to bark at you incessantly while slowly moving closer to you. If you move forward toward them, even just to say “nice doggy” and pat them on the head, they will scatter away so they can bark at you from a safer distance. Although this can make them useful as burglar alarms, it can also lead you to insanity if you have to confront a Chihuahua on any type of regular basis.

In fact if you take a poll, its our bet that 1 out of 10 animal “lovers” has had impure fantasies about kicking a chihuahua through a football field goal and yelling “Three points”

#2. Sealions

sealion bark

Both dogs and sea lions bark, but according to our most recent tests, only sealions can survive when held under water for extended periods.

Why Do Sealions Bark?

Unlike a Seal (which doesn’t bark) Sea lions bark as way of communicating. Male sealions have a more directional bark and are more likely to be barking “at” you, or other male sealions. This is a way of proving their dominance. Some scientists have suggested that sub dominant male sealions bark more than the dominant ones, possibly because they have something to prove, or maybe due to getting less mating time, scientists are still unsure.

Unlike testosterone drunken males, female sealions usually use their barking as a means of calling in their pups in for dinner, or just to make sure their pups haven’t been eaten by a polar bear. Each pup and female both have a unique sound to identify each other. This allows the female the ability to distinguish her pup’s voice  among hundreds of other barking sealions. Scientists feel this shows that a sealions bark may be just as unique as a human’s voice.

Will Sealions make me Nuts?

Unique or not, being surrounded by a few hundred barking Sealions is enough to drive anyone completely mad.

#3 Quolls


What the $%^# is a Quoll you ask? Its a “meat eating marsupial” that is a relative to the Tasmanian devil and native to Austrailia and Papua New Guinea.

Why does a Quoll Bark?

Usually because they are pissed off or alarmed. Dawkins and Krebs (science dudes) suggested that vocalizations that arise from changes in breathing are indicative of strong emotions. Yes, animals have emotions too.

Although some people feel they can keep a Quoll as a pet without going insane, we feel that the only people who would have one of these crazy bastards in their house must be insane already.

Why do you say that? Is the Quoll Dangerous?

It Ain’t nicknamed tiger cat for nothing. Oh yeah and it eats the hallucinogenic Cane toad, so there’s a chance it will be completely out of its mind if you ever come across one. We’ve seen enough Bugs bunny episodes to know that any friend of the Tazmanian Devil, is not something we want in our homes.

#4 The Barking Gecko (Ptenopus Garrulus)

Why Does a Barking Gecko Bark?

Generally for mating and communication. Many geckos vocalize singularly but the barking geckos of the Kalahari bark in choruses. Of course  sometimes they bark as a way to get laid and other times they are pissed off mad and may be in a death match with another male.

Will it drive me insane?

It might. The barking Gecko holds claim to being “the noisiest gecko of all,” however some pet owners have found their barking to be quite relaxing.

#5 The Barking Tree Frog

Why does the Tree Frog Bark?

Because it wants others to know its raining for some reason. Mostly however,  it barks to get laid

Will it drive me nuts?

Remember when you were a kid and your younger sibling kept repeating everything you said? Maddening wasn’t it? Well, the female barking tree frog can accurately localize the bark of the male and accurately playback his own pickup lines.

Now that’s the type of conversation that could drive anyone crazy.

#6 The Barking Jackass (blue winged kookaburra)

The call of the Kookaburra or “Barking Jackass” has been described as Maniacal by those unfortunate enough to be afflicted with such a sound. The bark of the Kookaburra has been said to begin like “the appalling ravings of a Madman”…and end in a prolonged sardonic chuckle.

Why do they bark

Aboriginals will tell you anything from “They are laughing at bad parents, particularly the Cuckoo bird.” to “they are laughing at the misfortune of two drowned children.” Scientists feel they probably bark as a way of announcing their territorial claims.

Will they Drive me insane?

It is said that the incessant barking of this Jackass is enough to drive a lost explorer into madness. As well, there are other aboriginal legends that depict the bird killing women in the middle of the night. On top of that, they are the only bird that stays at home after they learn to fly, so they have the added value of them all barking in one big happy family.

And you thought it was just dogs that bark.

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