The 7 Most Insane Festival Battles On Earth

Written by Monte Richard. Posted in Daily Daft, Funny But True

Some parties are just better than others. Sure Mardi Gras in New Orleans is fun what with the bead throwing and all the craziness associated with it. But how about the worlds biggest food fight? Or a festival where people try to set you on fire? This is a list of the greatest annual festival on earth where people battle each other.

Here they are, the largest, the most incredible and the most dangerous mock combat engagements from around the globe. If you go, make sure you bring your grrr face and a helmet, because things are about to get insane.

1 – La Tomatina

The Largest Food Fight In The World

No, this is not an orgy or a scene from the vampire movie

 

Photo from wikipedia

“And you thought Spain’s water parks were awesome.”

Often mistaken by vampires as a really big blood orgy, La Tomatina the largest annual food fight in the world. If you have severe tomato allergies then August 29th, Buñol, Spain is the perfect place to commit suicide. This little town of nine thousand swells to nearly 50 thousand celebrants for the messiest food fight on earth. The whole town shuts down and the streets run red with the life juices of this popular vegetable (fruit?). There are literal rivers of marinara after it’s all over.

The tomato festivities begin at 11 am with the launching of five tomato-packed rockets. Yes, the Spanish have developed tomato based artillery. Next someone from the crowd has to climb a greased poll to get the ham at the top (because you’ve got to have something to go with all of this ketchup, right). Then, for the next 2 hour everybody goes absolutely insane hurling 250,000 pounds of tomatoes at each other.

 

throwing tomatoes from a truck

“At least there weren’t as many casualties as last year!”

The rules for the tomato fight are simple enough: no ammo other than tomatoes is allowed, all tomatoes must be squished before being thrown, and you have to fling these crimson wads of mush at everyone you see. No one knows exactly why the festival started, but it’s taken on a life of its own and is now copied in a few other tomato crazed cities around the world. After the two hours is up the fire trucks role in and they start hosing down the whole town. Although can you ever really wash away the smell of a metric ton of tomato paste? You should probably wear a mask if you go to this one since tomatoes are acidic and can irritate the eyes. And bring some crackers because there going to be a whole lot of soup.

Here’s the Video:

2 – Batalla del Vino:

Wine Wars


photo thanks to Wikipedia
photo thanks to Wikipedia

“We hope you look good in mauve”

Whereas most festivals in Spain are devoted to a particular saint, Batalla del Vino which takes place on June 29th exists for a whole different reason. There was a land dispute between two villages in Spanish wine country near the town of Haro over a hundred years ago. Apparently things got pretty heated and they tried to kill each other with the only weapon available to them…delicious red wine. The conflict didn’t go away over the years but it became less violent while still retaining the whole drown each other in wine thing. Whats unique about this event is that the purpose is not to get drunk on wine, but to soak each other with the grapey libations. It’s like a water fight where the water has been replaced by ten thousand gallons of happy juice.

haro wine festival hose

“The wine fire hose……….. reason number 211 why festivals in Europe rule.”

Needless to say don’t wear anything you don’t want permanently stained pinkish purple. And you might want to invest in some sort of liquid dispensing device. People come to this event ready to do combat with just about everything you could imagine. Squirt bottles, leather water skins, water guns, buckets, cups, backpack insecticide sprayers (yeah, just rinse out the poison and fill it with wine, its all good) and fire trucks. Yes, they’ve rigged fire trucks to spray fermented grape juice. How awesome is that! Bring the kids as hosing down people in alcohol is a family event in Spain. They don’t even card.

Here’s the video:

grape jelly

“And the streets are paved with grape jelly!”

3 – Ivrea Carnevale:

The Battle of The Orange

photo hyd-masti.com

photo hyd-masti.com

“Kill the Oppressors”

While La Tomatina may be the largest food fight in the world the title of most brutal probably goes to the Carnival in Ivrea Italy, which is held 40 days before lent. For this one standard swim goggles may not be enough since you’re going to get beat with oranges. The battle consists of the crowd attacking groups of well armored men on floats with the citrus fruits. And the floats are pulled around the streets by teams of horses, so the battle changes as they move around the city. You also probably have a chance of seeing someone get trampled to death because a miss thrown fruit ticked off a horse. It’s pure orangy chaos.

It’s supposed to be a recreation of a battle that no one is sure actually happened.

photo hyd-masti.com
photo hyd-masti.com

“Yes, its that serious”

The peasants revolted against their cruel masters and beat them to death with fruit. Actually no, the oranges are supposed to represent stones and arrows. Even still, oranges hurt, so you’d better dress accordingly. And they say it’s not really a waste because these are excess oranges that the European Union forces them to destroy anyway. I guess because there are too many oranges in the world and we’ve solved world hunger while while none of us were looking.

In the end there’s so much orange on the ground they have to get slow plows to clean the streets. It used to be that people could chuck oranges from the windows of the houses surrounding the narrow streets. But apparently that was too brutal on the tourists (pansies) so now you have to either be on the ground or on a float to throw an orange. But even still, it’s a friggin orange. That’s like throwing a softball at someone. At least you won’t get scurvy though.

Heres the video:

photo hyd-masti

photo hyd-masti

“Face shields are optional, because really, it’s just fruit…right?”

4 – Wasserschlacht Battle:

Garbage Fight

 

Photo spiegel.de

“Take the train. It’s safer. Probably.”

The Wasserschlacht is one of the more recent festivals, but it is no less crazy than any of the others on this list. In 1998 in Berlin German the districts of Friedrichshain and Kreuzberg were joined together governmentally. Unfortunately these two sections of town don’t get along very well. To show their dissention the disgruntled citizen staged a water fight on a bridge joining the two sides. However, over the years it has escalated somewhat. Now the Wasserschlacht has turned into more of a dirty food fight with some arson mixed in for good measure.

Although officially only flower and water and foam swords and shields are supposed to be the allowed participants on both sides have begun stepping up their game. First they added eggs and rotted fruit. But now you can get hit with anything from stinky fish to used diapers. No one has flung a dead cat yet, but its coming. And the event has been known to get a little out of hand at times.

Photo spiegel.de

Photo spiegel.de

“Someone is letting all this good trash go to waist.”

Floats and vehicles have been set ablaze by the overtly zealous combatants. It had gotten so bad that one year the city canceled the event. When the police blocked the rioters…I mean ‘participants’ the got pelted with all the ammunition instead, cuz don’t you dare deny the Germans their god given rights to fling refuse at one another. It has since started up again (sponsored by a garbage company of course) with each year getting more rambunctious than the last…of course. When can you get in on the action? It’s generally held on the last Sunday of August.

Heres a video:

photo pics24h.com

photo pics24h.com

“The fire and the gas masks add a nice apocalyptic feel to the festival.”

Garbage Day in 1980s Hollywood

Garbage Day in 1980s Hollywood

The USA version of the Garbage day fight is a little different

5 –Nozawa Onsen Dosojin Matsuri:

The Drunken Arson Festival

Photo panoramio.com/photo/18425502

Photo panoramio.com

“Do you think we’ve got enough fire wood? When this thing goes up it needs to be seen from space.”

The little village of Nozawa Onsen in the mountains of Japan takes their fire festival seriously. Originally began as an invocation to the gods for a good harvest, health and good fortune in the coming year, it has been expanded to include a supplication to the heavens for a good ski season as well. Taking place on January 15th every year, the festival is staged by men aged 42 and 25 which they believe are the “unlucky ages”. They don’t go into an explanation about why this is so, but it’s probably because men around 25 are just starting to get married (and instead of saying ‘hey you just lost all your freedom’ the Japanese call it ‘unlucky’) and men around 42 are just starting to get divorced (lucky for you she’s only taking half of everything).

photo snowjapan.com

photo snowjapan.com

So they build a two-story shrine made out of wood which the town will attempt to burn down. The 25 year olds defend the bottom with sticks and the 42 year olds sit on the top and get drunk. Actually everyone is drunk, but it seems that the 42 year olds only job in this festival is to get drunk and egg on the crowd…who are also drunk. Because trying to set each other on fire sober would just wrong.

photo snow japan

photo snow japan

“Probably the only place in the world where its perfectly legal to hit someone in the face with a torch.”

First the little kids are given flaming torches and told to run over and try to set that tower on fire thereby immolating those nice inebriated men protecting it. Once the rugrats have had their shot at manslaughter the entire town tries to set the shrine ablaze. The battle is fierce and cuts and burns are the order of the day. The outnumbered defenders try to bat the torches away while the rest of the town folk burn them. Yeah, it’s totally fair. And of course this is done at night in the snow and everyone is drunk. In fact, there are designated sake men whose job it is to walk around and offer people drinks.

After about four hours of everyone trying to kill one another the shrine is vacated and they set it on fire. The dry wood, likely infused with the drunken sweat and breath of its defenders goes up in a blaze of glory as an offering to the gods. The dying embers, kicked up by the mountain winds swirl about smoldering in peoples cloths. And then everyone passes out drunk, burnt and bloody. And if the gods are pleased then the skiers will come back next year.

photo nozawa-onsen.com

photo nozawa-onsen.com

“The guys at the top are tasked with the difficult job of getting really wasted and snarky.”

6 – “Las Bolas de Fuego”:

Fireball Festival

 

photo rawmeat.com

”And you thought Mortal Kombat was just a video game.”

Lots of places have festivals where weird stuff gets thrown through the air. There’s a festival in Spanish town of El Puig has their annual Batalla de la Rata Muerta where they’ll throw dead rats at each other. In Laza, Spain for Entroido they’ll get mud balls full of live ants and toss that into the crowd for fun. But none of those can hold a candle to Las Bolas de Fuego in Nejapa El Salvador for sheer craziness. They throw fireballs at one another…seriously.

In 1922 an erupting volcano forced the people of Nejapa El Salvador to evacuate.  As they were leaving, locals saw great balls of fire spewing out of the volcano, and believed their patron saint, San Jeronimo, was actually fighting the devil for them. So to commemorate this event the locals stage a fight where they hurl friggin fireballs at each other.  Not fireworks.  Not balls of paper painted to look like flames.  They wad up old rags, dip them in kerosene for a month and set them ablaze.  The city divides itself into two teams.  Those guys on that side of the street verses everyone else on this side.  Equipped with water soaked gloves, cloths, masks, war paint, and massive kohones the festival participants then proceed to lob genuine, honest to god fireballs at one another!

Is it dangerous?  No, of course not. Sure, people have gotten burned and some have died but nothing major.  It’s just a solidified blob of plazma after all. Where’s the harm in tossing these things around crowded streets. And considering that this is El Salvador, getting hit in the face with a burning sack of kerosene is probably not your biggest worry.  What other nation would have a firebomb festival right in the middle of town?

Here’s the Video:

7 – Takeuchi Matsuri:

The Beat Each Other With Sticks Festival

photo pref.akita.jp

Valentines day in Japan must be particularly brutal, but cause the very next day is the Takeuchi Matsuri. What does Takeuchi Matsuri mean? ‘Get The Biggest Stick You Can Find And Beat Your Neighbor Senseless’. That’s not an exact translation of course but it’s pretty close…probably. The day after Valentines Day men in towns all across Japan get liquored up, grab a twenty-foot length of bamboo and proceed to beat the snot out of their rivals. The towns divide into North vs South. The combat is three rounds and the police and medical teams are there to make sure the festivities don’t get out of hand. But what could possibly go wrong? It’s just a couple hundred inebriated neighbors pummeling one another with massive poles and sometimes fists.

photo japanprobe.com

photo japanprobe.com

It is believed that if the North wins, a good harvest of rice is promised, and if the South wins, the price of rice will go up. Kind of like our ground groundhog day, but with giant clubs and a hefty butt whoopin. So yeah, these guys are actually fighting for something…kind of. Where as the rest of the festivals on this list are just for fun or because you’re crazy, the Takeuchi Matsuri decides the fate of rice…but not really. So you can bet these people play for keeps. When you get there get a helmet, a thick jacket and guzzle down as much sake as you can to numb the pain because getting tagged with a twenty-foot stitch is going to smart.

But most of all have fun!

photo akitajet.com

photo akitajet.com

If you have a crazy Festival or Celebration Planned, check out our Cool Water Lanterns at DaftGadgets.com

How To Read a Person Like a Book Part 3 – Liars Poses

Written by Jason Scott. Posted in Daily Daft, Funny But True

People may believe they can fool you and everyone else with their words, but their body language usually gives them away.

Here are some classic examples of body language that you can learn to help spot the con artists and deceivers out there.

The Stare

"The Stare"

"The Stare"

Ahhh staring. Its more than just a mind game to play with people on public transit. You know the game, the one where you pick a random stranger to stare at until they look away. Then when they do look away, you break your stare and never look back at them again in case they decide to start staring back. What fun.

Anyway, Staring is often thought to show interest and attention, while looking away or avoiding eye contact can be seen as both insecure and deceptive. Good Liars know this, and will attempt to over compensate by staring too long.

A good liar will be able to look at you and stare directly into your eyes when lying. If the eye contact seems unnatural, it probably is.

The Look Away.

The Look Away

Okay, so we touch on this one above. Its called the look away, and it applies to any attempt to avoid someone’s eye contact.

If the head is down in the non threatening submissive position and the eye contact is short, followed by a look away, followed by immediate eye contact again, the person is most likely flirting.

If however, there is an introduction of a new idea into a conversation, and eye contact is avoided, you can bet that the subject makes the person feel uncomfortable. If you deem that the new subject matter shouldn’t be uncomfortable and eye contact is broken by either the talker or the listener, you can bet they are hiding something.

The Requiem

The Requiem

Named after the movie “Requiem for a Dream,” The Requiem refers to the dilation of a person’s pupils.

Pupil dilation can mean many things. People who view someone from the opposite sex that they deem to be attractive will often experience a dilation of their pupils. Possibly to experience more of their beauty or possibly because the sexual feelings cause an adrenaline pump from back in the old days where men would actually hunt down their woman. Either way, desire and pupil dilation go hand and hand.

However, another time this occurs is during a blatant lie. A lot of the time when people lie, their pupils will dilate giving them away. Which is just one more reason to stare deeply into the eyes of the opposite sex.

The Barrier.

The Barrier.

Sometimes when people lie they will create a barrier between you and them or possibly cross their arms. This is probably some deep freudian type stuff that has something to do with them feeling more protected or less exposed. Either way, its a good indicator of deceit.

Mr Freeze.

The Shrug

Standing rigid and frozen is almost like the person is to worried about moving nervously or subconsciously that they are attempting to stay perfectly still.

When someone is completely rigid, they may be lying.

The Shrug

The Shrug-2

Saying “Come at me Bro, Come on” thinking “Dear god please don’t come at me”

Grimacing and Saying “How was I supposed to know” thinking “I hope they don’t know that I know what I did was wrong”

The Blinker

The Blinker

Excessive blinking it often accompanied by a fake expression of either non guilt or aggravation. Both are designed to deflect any accusation put toward the blinker.

The Eye Rub.

The Eye Rub

A sign of insecurity, the eye rub is also a diversion tactic used by liars. It serves to divert eye contact in a way the feigns disinterest rather than nervous interest. Its sometimes used when there is no accusation present, just and idea that could possibly lead to an accusation or confrontation.

“Has anyone seen where all my hand lotion went?” “No mom, I have no idea, I’m tired. Leave me alone”

The Mouth Grin.

Evil genius boy

There is nothing faker than a mouth grin. The mouth grin comes when the mouth smiles and the face doesn’t. This is not an I’m happy smile and can mean many things, but it is almost always put on as a deception. It may be that the person is an emotionless data like android or Dexter like psychopath or the person just dislikes you an is trying to be polite. Either way the mouth grin is one of the most important facial expressions to be aware of, since you could very well be looking into the face of a predator.

In all of the above facial expressions and body poses, it will be the eyes that show you the face behind the mask. If you can match the eyes with, the face, with the body, with the tone, you could probably eliminate words all together, and read each person you meet, like an open book.

If you really want to study body language you can check out our section on spy gadgets in the Daft Gadgets Geek Toys and Gadgets store.

How to Read a Person Like a Book. Part 2. – Insecure/Submissive Poses and Postures

Written by Jason Scott. Posted in Daily Daft, Funny But True

If you’ve read the previous article from Daft Gadgets that dealt with how to read a person’s Confidence (or take advantage of their over confidence like Luke Skywalker and The Emperor) Then you may be thinking to yourself  “If I pose in these confident positions, how do I know if the person is buying into my dominance over them?”

The answer is simple. By learning how to spot submissive and non confrontational poses and postures in others.

The body language pictured below depict insecurity and submission.  If you spot someone in one of these poses it may be due to your overwhelming charisma or their overall lack of alcohol. It will be up to you to decide which is which.

1. The Nose Rub.

The Nose Rub

Yes, the nose rub. It was Citizen Kane’s last words (or something like that) and is one of the most common armature poker tells out there. Although this can be done intentionally to signal anything from corroboration of a conspiracy or whether or not to steal 3rd base, the nose rub says a lot more than just “I feel like Pinocchio” and if you can label it correctly, you may just find yourself one step above Geppetto on the puppet master scale.

The Nose Rub is most famous for deceit, but it also has roots within the realm of insecurity and submissiveness, sometimes showing feelings of doubt or rejection of what someone is saying. For example,

if one is entertaining a Jehovah’s witness at the door to be polite, they may find themselves rubbing their nose if they feel insecure about their beliefs or if they feel offended that the JW is trying to proselytize them.

Sometimes however, the insecurity comes not from dominance, but fear of authority, as if the nose rubber is asking themselves “Did I just get away with that?”

2. The Hair Pull/Twirl.

The hair pull

Although playing with hair is a well known sign of sexual anxiety in mixed gender confrontations, this form of body language has a tendency to show up under other forms of stress as well.

Generally, this shows lack of self confidence and sometimes nervousness.

3. The Rain Cloud.

the rain cloud

This pose spells out dejection in an obvious way. Its as if a rain cloud is pouring over the person. People who frequently stand or walk in the rain cloud position make for good converts to a new religion or cult.

4. The Eye Rub

The Eye Rub

The Eye Rub is a sign of disbelief. Not in the “I can’t believe its not butter” excited way, but more in the “I doubt myself and can’t believe I’m screwed again” type way.

As well, the person may rub their eyes do to insecurity, since people’s eye water more when they are uncomfortable. The eye rub is a way to hide behind their hands, and may also be used to deceptively feign tiredness (see article on liars in part 3)

5. The Arm Cross

The Arm Cross

The Arm Cross is a very defensive position. It signals that the person doing it doesn’t want to accept the ideas presented to them.

Its kind of like a pouty child who doesn’t want to go to bed.

In some cases (especially in women) the arm cross can be done to feel more secure or possibly even warmer if its chilly, but during an idea exchange, the arm cross generally means no, even if she’s already naked.

6. The Nail Bite

The Nail Bite

Pretty much everyone picks up on this one. The Nail Biter shows nervousness. However there is some medical evidence that nail biting can be linked to a mineral deficiency.

Nail biting can also be a sign that someone did something wrong and doesn’t want to get caught, or anything where there is anxiety over not knowing the coming events.

7. The Angry Mom.

The Angry Mom

Yes, even men do the angry mom pose from time to time.

This posture of standing straight with the hands on hips shows readiness and aggression. When you view this pose, it helps to picture the person saying: “young lady/man”. Its is generally a response to the challenging of ones authority, either over themselves or over others, which is why its best known in parents during the rebellious teenage years.

The Angry Mom may seem scary, but its really a sign of insecurity. When you see this pose, it pays to look for the hypocrisy (just don’t point it out.)

8. The Ear Pull

The Ear Pull

The Ear pull is a sign of indecision. If the ear puller is listening to you, they may be trying to decide if you are telling the truth or not. In a lot of cases, the ear puller doesn’t like the choices presented and is merely trying to avoid an ultimatum.

This one is another great amateur poker tell that shows weakness. Be careful though, they may have the cards and just feeling indecision to call due to the size of the bet.

Now that you have the ability to spot both confidence and insecurity in body language, the last thing to learn is how to spot deception.  Log in next week for Part 3 of the Daft Gadgets Article: How to read a person like a book – Deception.

Body Language – 8 Ways to Read a Person Like a Book. Part 1

Written by Jason Scott. Posted in Daily Daft, Funny But True

Part 1. – Confidence.

Your lips may say no, but your eyes say “yes ,yes”

No, this is not an article to help criminal defense attorneys  get their clients off the hook.  It’s an article to help people communicate better with their “after 5”  senses.

Only 7% of how we communicate comes from what we say. The other % comes from our body language and mannerisms.

Here is the breakdown:

  • 7 percent verbal (words)
  • 38 percent vocal (volume, pitch, rhythm, etc)
  • 55 percent body movements (mostly facial expressions)

Unknowingly, your body sends signals that your mind may be unaware of. Those who can pick up on this secret language can develop an almost psychic instinct, either consciously or unconsciously. When we pick up on things like body language unconsciously, we view it as intuition.

Needless to say, reading body language is a great skill for poker.

There are 3 main categories for body language.

  1. Dominant/Confident
  2. Submissive/Insecure
  3. Deceptive

We at Daft Gadgets will do our best to take you through the different faces, postures, and poses in each category that could make you the next Nostradamus or Gus Hanson.

1. The Pyramid.

Evil genius boy

Noting says Confidence more than than pyramiding your fingers. The Pyramid is typically thought to be reserved for sinister people like Mr. Burns (the Simpsons) and the Devil to do when they are scheming.

Pyramiding your finger tips is probably taken as an evil gesture simply because it casts out a message of power.  Power being something which has been known to corrupt even the most innocent of us all.

2. The Steeple

The Steeple

Steepling the fingers show a sign of authority. Like the pyramid, the steeple is used by the Don Corleone’s to contemplate your request. It is very common to steeple the fingers and then touch the lip as one contemplates.

If this is a poker player, contemplating to call an all in, you can bet the other player is getting a bit squeamish.

3. The Wookie.

The wookie

Known as “The Wookie” This stance shows pure confidence and superiority, and usually follows a decisive or “check mate” type move made by the person doing the wookie. It is not uncommon for someone to go into a deep steeple and then follow with wookie in victory.

It gets the name wookie from the movie starwars where Chewbaca is playing space chess with R2D2. Chewbaca gets mad when losing to R2 to which C3PO replies

Chewbacca: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrgh!

C-3PO: He made a fair move. Screaming about it can’t help you.

Han Solo: Let him have it. It’s not wise to upset a Wookiee.

C-3PO: But sir, nobody worries about upsetting a droid.

Han Solo: That’s ’cause droids don’t pull people’s arms out of their sockets when they lose. Wookiees are known to do that.

Chewbacca: Grrf.

C-3PO: I see your point, sir. I suggest a new strategy, R2: let the Wookiee win.

Enter “The Wookie” Pose

4. The Crossed Leg Kicker

The Crossed Leg kicker

The Crossed Leg Kicker can be moved into smoothly right after doing a wookie. Here the message is “I’m secure, confident and slightly bored” The kicking, is sort of way for someone to subconsciously amuse themselves, similar to a finger roll or tap.

5. The Finger Tap

tapping hand

The finger tap shows impatience, and authority. Those who pick up on this language may unfortunately feel pressured in to working harder or acting quicker. This may cause them to make a mistake, to which the finger tapper will get even more tappy.

If you’re performing brain surgery or deactivating a bomb, you want to kick the finger tappers out of your private space, before you end up kicking them in their private place.

6. The Head Tilt

The head tilt

Unlike when someone leans away from you (showing disinterest), the side tilt of someone’s head, shows that someone might be interested in the message they believe you are conveying.  Some people may not pick up on this since the head tilt is commonly associated with zombies and that weird twitching girl from the well in the movie “The Ring”

7. The Chin Stroke

The Chin Stroke

Like the steeple, this move shows contemplation from a position of security. Contrary to belief, chin stroking is not just a way for baby faced bearding hipsters to appear more intellectual. Both Men and Women are guilty of stroking this part of their body (although its seen more often in men than women).

Sometimes it can mean the person isn’t buying what you’re selling/telling so to speak, but other times it can mean they are intrigued by the idea presented to them and they are just contemplating it deeper.

Alternatively they may be up to something.

7. The Hand Rub

the hand rub

The Hand Rub is a sign of anticipation. This means the person rubbing their hands is expecting something good to come their way. They have bought in to the offer hook line and sinker and now they’re just waiting for delivery.  However, sometimes, they’re just trying to warm up their hands to they can text while outside in the cold.

Every time you communicate with someone. You convey messages with your language, tone, and posture. The primary factor we use in judging others, is how they communicate with us. Learning to interpret and use proper body language can be just as important as learning vocabulary and may just give you a deeper look past the surface during your next human to human engagement.

Now we’re not  saying you can judge a book by its cover, that’s not what we believe in at all.

We’re just saying it helps if you read the dust jacket.

Don’t forget to check out our next article on Ways to read a person like a book part 2  – “Insecure” poses and postures.

Do you know anyone with confident body language?  Are they confident  enough to wear a “Mankini?” Not sure?

If you haven’t had the privilege of seeing a mankini you can get one in our Geek Toys and Gadgets section

The Truth Behind The 3 Real Halloween Monsters

Written by Jason Scott. Posted in Daily Daft, Funny But True

1. Zombies

We know what you’re thinking….

Zombies don’t exist in real life. If you are what you eat, and Zombies eat brains, then zombies would be represented by the intellectuals of the world and not the simple minded sardonic cadence of an unrehearsed flash mob.

Einstein was most likely a Zombie

Einstein was most likely a Zombie

However, there has been real evidence to support the existence of Zombies. In fact, Zombies are even mentioned in the old testament as a creation of god (or recreation), so they actually predate the Hatian culture that many believe to be their origin.

Physical evidence of Zombies has been found recently by archaeologists during a survey of medieval churches in County Roscommon, Ireland. There, they discovered a number of 8 century skeletons that had large stones placed in their mouths during burial as a way to prevent the bodies from rising from the dead.

Unlike modern day Zombies who are brought to life by strange viruses created by corporations, Zombies from the 8th century were created by evil spirits entering into the mouth of the body after death. (although sometimes the spirit would reanimate the its own body after death as well). However, it was believed that a well placed rock would prevent such an occurrence.

Zombies in nature

Nature has been playing around with zombies for quite some time now. Once example is the zombie-ant fungus known as Ophiocordyceps unilateralis.

This malevolent fungus infects the brain of an unsuspecting ant, luring it away from its colony and family, only to have it bite down on the underside of a leaf where a long stalk spikes though its head shooting spores into the air in the hopes of infecting other ants with its zombie virus.

So as you can see, zombies are quite “real,” in fact, “Zombiesm” is quickly becoming the number one religion on the planet. (see daft gadgets article “The 6 Most Ridiculously Rich Zombies in The World“)

Moving on we have…..

2.Vampires

Like Zombies, Vampires continue to live past their death by eating humans who have not converted to either Vampirism or Zombism. We’re pretty sure vampires don’t eat zombies, but we can’t say for sure if zombies eat vampires since our only reference of the two being together is the original fright night movie.

Why Remove the Zombie in the Remake?

Why Remove the Zombie in the Remake?

Over the centuries, Vampires have gone from being depicted as evil fanged monsters to post 1970 sexy mysterious seducers.

However, the idea of a species that lives off human blood-sucking pre-dates all written records and has been found on shards of ancient Persian pottery (although back then, blood drinking was attributed to demons and spirits.)

Evidence of Vampires

One of the first vampire reports came from a place called “Istria” which is modern day Croatia. There, according to local reports, a vampire named Giure Grando died and returned from the dead to drink peoples blood and sexual harass his widow. This was considered unacceptable behavior and the village leader ordered a stake driven through Giure’s heart. When this didn’t work, they cut off his head.

Vampires in Nature.

There is no shortage of parasites in nature, however vampires tend to exist more readily in tiny insects like mosquitoes, and ticks, rather than mammals.

However Latin America is the home of 3 species of Vampire Bats which have been known to swoop down and feast on humans from time to time.

photos compliments of wikipedia

"photos compliments of wikipedia"

Scientists call the act of sucking blood Hematophagy.

Now, we may all think of parasites and vampires as selfish creatures, but like Edwards family in twilight, vampire bats can be considered a thoughtful and caring bunch and have been known to puke up blood to feed those in their group who have gone hungry.

Ahh….Isn’t that sweet…

vampire bat video

3. Werewolves.

An 18th century engraving of a werewolf

An 18th century engraving of a werewolf

A few references to men changing into wolves can be found as far back as Ancient Greek literature and mythology. The ancient Greek historian Herodotus described places were an entire tribe of people were all transformed into wolves once every year for several days.

Since then, they have become very popular in both European and Western culture.

The scientific term for someone who turns into a wolf is a Lycanthrope or “werewolf” and is generally thought to occur through various methods.

Including:

  • Removing the skin of a wolf and wearing it (yes, this one is very original)
  • Rubbing your body with magic salve
  • Drinking rainwater out of the footprint of a wolf or werewolf
  • Sleeping outside on a summer night with a full moon on your face
  • Being bitten by a werewolf
  • Swearing allegiance to Satan. (although some viewed the curse of lycanthropy to be a divine punishment)

Evidence of Werewolves.

At Daft Gadgets we feel that a true werewolf is a combination of two separate diseases.

The first known formally as “Clinical Lycanthropy” it is a rare psychiatric syndrome/mental illness that causes the a patient to believe they are a werewolf and act like one accordingly. When this illness is mixed with Hypertrichosis (also called Ambras Syndrome), you have yourself a real werewolf.

Hypertrichosis

Hypertrichosis is informally known as “werewolf” syndrome due to the irregular hair growth it causes over a person’s entire body.

Now both Hypertrichosis and Clinical Lycanthropy are very rare, so there has not been an “official” case of someone with Hypertrichosis running through the woods to hunt vampires or doing any other werewolf type activities. All were saying is, that its possible it might happen.

And that’s as real as we want it to get.

If you want to turn into a werewolf check out our Flippin’ Frightening Werewolf Tee Shirt


4 Scientific Cases Of Animals Who May Actually Be Astral Projecting

Written by Jason Scott. Posted in Daily Daft, Funny But True

Astral Projection is thought by many to be a form of lucid dreaming. Its the ability to project your body or self image in the “astral plane” or as some would say; “The collective dream consciousness”

Most people, however agree that the astral plane is a place for sentient humans, and not a place for your everyday barn yard animals. After all, eating an astral projection is not likely to fill you up, so cows and chickens don’t really have a place with humans who are traveling the astral plane.

Science can only explain so much in the field of lucid dreaming, but we at Daft Gadgets feel that the evidence in the videos below, speaks for itself.

1. Biscuit the Dream Walker

sleep walking dog

Biscuit hasn’t quite learned how to dream walk without using her body yet. She’s known to rise up like a Zombie and wander around the house while dreaming. Sometimes Biscuit will chase and bark at squirrels or possibly aliens (were not really sure since we don’t go to the same astral plane as her) and on some occasions she will run directly into a wall and wake up (Although she does run much faster on her side than when on her feet)

What do the Experts Say?

Scientists believe that Biscuit suffers from Parasomnia, which may be classified as sleepwalking, night terrors, or Rem Behavior Disorder.

For those of you concerned with Biscuits well being you can rest assured that Biscuit is a professional astral projector and is just fine despite running into numerous walls and obstacles.

2. Skeeter the Spontaneous Dreamer

Nacoleptic dog

Skeeter was normal for the first 4 years of his life, until he found away to transcend to the astral plane. At any given moment Skeeter can drop into a full REM state joining his fellow lucid dreamers on a trip to the astral park.

If you’ve ever seen a comedy sketch where someone is so tired they pass out in a plate of spaghetti, you’ll have a better idea of what happens to Skeeter.

What do the experts say it is?

The Experts say that Skeeter suffers from Narcolepsy that comes from a malfunctioning gene responsible for wakefulness. This causes Skeeter to skip the light sleep and medium sleeping modes going straight from full wakefulness to deep REM sleep. Kind of like a hypnotist snapping his fingers, except this actually works.

Unfortunately, Skeeter is now on the astral plane full time, since he was hit by a car while falling asleep during a chase. However, his brain was donated to science in the hope that we can learn more about what causes narcolepsy in humans.

And no, we don’t subscribe to the point of view that the scientist who received Skeeters corpse were in fact “Mad Scientists” who conspired to run down skeeter on the road to gain a possible specimen.

3. Men Who Stare At Goats.

Okay to be fair this should actually be call “men who blow horns at goats” but you get the idea.

If you’ve seen the Jedi Master George Clooney kill a goat through concentration, then you are aware of the fact that goats can “drop dead” as a moments notice. Of course as we all know, Hollywood has a tendency to exaggerate things from time to time. Exaggerations being dodging bullets, high speed chases, and killing goats through power of thought. The video above however, is no exaggeration.

The Way we see it is that the goats aren’t actually “dropping dead” as much as they are “astral projecting.” Unfortunately for the goats, taking off to the astral plane at the first sign of Danger, isn’t exactly a great way to ensure the survival of your species, which is probably why there are less than 20,000 of these goats left in existence (out of around 450 million goats in total).

What do the Experts Say?

Men who stare at goats

Scientists believe that these goats are “fainting” due to over excitement, kind of like they just saw Elvis in concert. The scientific smart person term for this is called myotonia congenita which causes the goats brain signals to force their muscles to continuously expand and contract, kind of like they were getting tasered.

Needless to say, without human intervention, these goats would most likely be extinct.

4. Half Brained Dolphins.

drawing compliments of wikipedia

drawing compliments of wikipedia

All Mammals need sleep, and all mammals need air. So how do dolphins sleep without drowning?

Believe it or not, Dolphins don’t breath unless they choose to. Unlike humans who breath naturally without thinking about it, dolphins actually have to make a conscious effort to breathe.

Known as “conscious breathers” dolphins can’t afford to sleep in and be late for breathing, and as we all know electricity and water don’t mix, so alarm clocks are pretty much out of the question. So what does a dolphin do?

The answer. It only turns half its brain off. This means that dolphins are the ultimate lucid dreamers in that they exist both here and on the astral plane simultaneously! Scientists have studied this phenomenon in dolphins, using electroencephalography, which is a method of attaching Frankenstein electrodes to the heads of dolphins in order to measure the electrical impulses during shut down.

We suspect that they found that Dolphins are a pretty “chilled out” and relaxed species.

If you want to chill like a dolphin you can check out the animatronic dolphin in our Daft Gadgets Shop.

The 4 Greatest Teachers of All Time

Written by Jason Scott. Posted in Daily Daft, Funny But True

What makes a great teacher?

At Daft Gadgets we think the mark of a great teacher is  the creation of a great student who not only expands their knowledge beyond their teachings, but also becomes a great teacher themselves.

In short, great teachers create great teachers.

#4. Socrates

“The only thing I know is that I know nothing” – Socrates


Most of what is known of Socrates comes from his pupils. He had the type of mind that could bring back everything on his wife’s grocery list without ever writing anything down. When Socrates taught his students, he engaged their minds through questioning and analogy.


Unlike George Orwell’s 1984 where thinking certain thoughts was a crime in itself, thought crime in Socrates City of Athens was about making students think for themselves and not blindly accepting what they were told.  However, just like in Orwell’s dystopian society, thought crime = Death.
Yes, the greatest teacher of all time was put to death for perverting the minds of youth with their own ideas and imagination, which the Athens city elders believed was “Iconoclastic”


Of course, some may argue that Socrates was a disingenuous ego maniac who liked to look down upon those of inferior intelligence. He gained this reputation by asking questions that he already knew the answers to as a way to get others to follow the same path of reasoning, or take him on a path of reasoning he had never been.


Some people got angry at this because it seemed like he was making fun of them, pointing out their ignorance when in fact, he was kind of saying “Now you see how screwed up I am with all this reasoning stuff”


So Who Did Socrates Teach that was So Important?

Well, there was this guy

Plato

Not to be confused with “Play Doh”

h3Not Plato/h3

(Not Plato)

Some of our favorite Plato Quotations on teaching are:

“Do not train a child to learn by force or harshness; but direct them to it by what amuses their minds, so that you may be better able to discover with accuracy the peculiar bent of the genius of each.”


“Education is teaching our children to desire the right things.”


Plato was the price student of Socrates and founder of “The Academy,” the very first higher learning institution.


In his work called “The Republic” Plato envisioned a utopian society led by philosophers who were trained from birth to be rulers. However some critics considered Platos republic to be an elitist totalitarian regime masked under the guise of community and moral principals.


Although the Republic is Plato’s most famous work, it is most likely a branch off of his “theory of Forms” in that he is trying to find the true and perfect from of a “society.”


So who did Plato teach that made him such a good teacher?

Aristotle

Aristotle (Right) with Plato (Left)

Aristotle (Right) with Plato (Left)


“Those who educate children well are more to be honored than they who produce them; for these only gave them life, those the art of living well.”

“All who have meditated on the art of governing mankind have been convinced that the fate of empires depends on the education of youth.”



Aristotle was Plato’s student for 20 years. He would later start his own higher learning institution known as the “Lycium” where he would expound a philosophy entirely different from his teacher Plato.


Aristotle the Student of the Student of Socrates would become considered by some as the father of empirical science and scientific method and go on to teach students like Alexander the Great, who as we know, was pretty great himself.

Haydn

Haydn was not only one of the most prolific composers of the Classical period, but he was also known as the “Father of Symphony.”
So who did Haydn teach that was so impressive?

Well for one…

Beethoven

Here the teacher and student relationship did not work well, at least according to Beethoven. Beethoven felt that the composition lessons from Haydn offered him no value, but others have noticed a much stronger influence that Beethoven cared to admit. For example, Beethoven’s symphonies 1 and 2 have been described as “Hayden on Steroids.”

However Hayden “did” get along with another great composer who went by the name of Mozart.

Mozart

Although not formally a teacher student duo, Mozart valued Hayden’s opinions and became highly influenced by him.

Hayden may have been overshadowed by his contemporaries, but it has been said that “his music often contained both the sublime lyricism of Mozart and the dramatic profundity of Beethoven.”

Sometimes the best teachers are those who share their experiences with others takings a similar path in life

Angelo Dundee

“I just put the reflexes in the proper direction.”

If you are ever in a fight, this is the guy you want in your corner.


Angelo Dundee is considered the greatest corner-man of all time. His fame began when coached Carmen Basilio in the defeat of world welterweight champion Tony DeMarco Followed by Sugar Ray Robinson.


Dundee worked with 15 world boxing champions over his career including Sugar Ray Leonard, Willie Pastrano , Jimmy Ellis, Carmen Basilio, José Nápoles, Luis Rodriguez and George Foreman. However his prize student is most likely none other than……

Muhammed Ali

Dundee trained Cassius Clay (Ali’s name back then) in fights against Archie Moore and Sonny Liston (Ali’s first famous heavyweight title match)


Other notable matches Dundee trained and coached Ali for include: Jerry Quarry, Oscar Bonavena, Joe Frazier, Floyd Patterson, George Foreman, Ken Norton and, later, Leon Spinks (no this isn’t the Spinks that Tyson knocked out of boxing in 91 seconds although that fight was pretty memorable too if you weren’t out getting popcorn at the time)


The Way we see it, there’s teaching on and off the field and Dundee takes the top spot because not only did he prepare his students, he also helped them adapt to anything they faced in “Real Time,” and that’s something students usually have to learn painfully for themselves.

Andrea del Verrocchio


Andrea del Verrocchio was an Italian sculptor, goldsmith and painter in Florence during the early renaissance.
Like Socrates, he didn’t leave a lot of works behind. Little is known about his life, but his advancement is said to be owed much to the patronage of Piero de’ Medici and his son Lorenzo.


However, there have also been accounts that he was apprenticed to Donatello (not the Ninja Turtle) early on in his career.

Not the early Renaissance Italian artist and sculptor
Not the early Renaissance Italian artist and sculptor

So who did this guy teach that makes him so well known?

Well this guy for one.

Leonardo Davinci

Davinci may be one of the most well know geniuses of all time.


Not just a painter, and sculptor, Davinci surpassed his mentor with his “unquenchable curiosity” by reaching into the realms of music, architecture, science, mathematics, engineering, invention, anatomy, geology, cartography, botany, and writing.


In 1466 Leonardo was apprenticed to Verrocchio who was associated with teaching other famous painters like Domenico Ghirlandaio, Perugino, Botticelli, and Lorenzo di Credi. At the early age of 14, Leonardo was exposed to theoretical concepts as well as technical training in skills like drafting, chemistry, metallurgy, metal working, plaster casting, leather working, mechanics and carpentry as well as the artistic skills of drawing, painting, sculpting and modeling.


At 20 years of age, Leonardo qualified as a master in the Guild of St Luke, the guild of artists and doctors of medicine, but his bond with his teacher kept him working with Verrocchio even though Leonardo had his own workshop and artistic recognition,

Davinci was an obviously good student, but some make forget that the teacher who inspired him may deserve some of the credit.

You can Check  out the The Leonardo Da Vinci Catapult Kit if you would like to inspire a Genius of your own.  Its available in our Gadgets Shop.

6 Cool Substitute Teachers Who Could Walk into Your Class.

Written by Jason Scott. Posted in Daily Daft, Funny But True

Sting

Photo Compliments of Wikipedia

"I just was in hell when I was teaching. I inspired the kids only by teaching them what I liked and what I was inspired by and enjoyed - that was basically soccer and poetry. "The rest of it I couldn't teach." - Sting (photo compliments of wikipedia)

We can’t help but think it would be really cool to have a rock star teacher for English class. Imagine the enthusiasm kids would have for poetry and song writing when engaged by a professional and famous musician like sting.

Yes, thats right, band camp would suddenly become the next cool thing to do.   Students would be rushing home to work all night on homework that just may become a hit song someday. Yep every kids dream: to get paid for going to school.

A rock star teacher would have most students thinking they’re in bizarro world.

STING has confessed he was an awful teacher before he became a rock star – because he only taught kids subjects he found interesting. We at Daft Gadgets think that this probably makes him one of the best teachers out there.
Sting was a certified primary school teacher in England and also taught English in a secondary school in Cramlington near Newcastle. So technically, it is possible that he could show up in your class as a substitute teacher.

“I just was in hell when I was teaching. I inspired the kids only by teaching them what I liked and what I was inspired by and enjoyed – that was basically soccer and poetry. “The rest of it I couldn’t teach.” – Sting

George “The Animal” Steel


Some of you may remember WWF (now WWE) wrestler George the Animal Steel.

George was known for antics like Eating the stuffing from turnbuckles and for his famous finishing move the flying hammerlock.

What type of wrestler eats foam from a turnbuckle? Well, Steel was a simpleton with low intelligence but cunning animal instincts, and believe it or not, before he was a wrestler, George the Animal Steel was a school teacher.

In fact, the simple minded animal taught school for 25 years, coaching football for 17 years and starting a wrestling program. One night he may be giving a “Beat Down” on Hulk Hogan at Madison Square Garden on a Saturday, only to be back there coaching Monday Night Football two days later.  As well, with the Animal teaching class, excuses like “The teacher ate my homework mom” might actually fly.

Now sure, MMA and martial arts are pretty badass, but you step outside with someone and tell them that you were trained by George the Animal Steel and you bet their face will turn a little scared.

Just that alone would make having George as one of our substitute teachers would be a dream come true.

Sheryl Crow


It may have been Van Halen who wrote “hot for teacher” but having this rock star in class would definitely have students paying attention.

Sherly Crow was a music teacher at Kellison Elementary teacher for two years before becoming a back up singer for Michael Jackson. So it is possible that she could return to the profession as a substitute in your class.

Here’s to hoping.

Gene Simmons

"I did it for six months, and I wanted to kill every single kid," - Gene Simmons

Although only teaching for 6 months, we think this long tongued, leather and chains, sex craved musician turned businessman turned reality tv star would make one hell of a substitute teacher.

Assuming he left us alive.

Stephen King


Working his way up, Stephen King began his career in a laundromat, to them become a janitor, and then finally an English teacher at Harned Publish School.

The way we see it, students would always be a little on edge if they had King as a teacher, and as such, paying better attention in class.

It could be argued that being a teacher launched his career since “Carrie” (based upon an ostracized girl in high school) was Kings first success, and as such he could be talked into making a cameo appearance as a substitute teacher, which would be a much better choice than the late “Running Man” author Richard Bachman, who was, as King said: “A Nasty Man… I’m glad he’s dead”

Richard Bachman

Richard Bachman

Other possible substitute teachers include:
Sir William Golding
JK Rowling
Barack Obama
Art Garfunkel
Billy Crystal
Greg Graffin (bad Religon)
Andy Griffith (Matlock)

Are you a Student or Teacher? Check out our Epic Fail and Epic Win Grading Stamps in our Daft Gadgets Shop!

4 Jobs That Are Strictly for The Birds

Written by Jason Scott. Posted in Daily Daft, Funny But True

#1. Falconry

Falconry was once the sport of kings, and no wonder, who wouldn’t look super cool wearing a Falcon?

Anyone can put on some stupid top hat or add an accessory like a walking cane, umbrella, or Mr Peanut monocle, but nothing quite says “this guy is bad-ass”
like having one of nature’s fastest most efficient killers keeping looking out from your shoulder.

Now we know what you’re thinking. Pirates have been wearing birds for years, and they look pretty bad-ass, why don’t I just get a parrot?

The way we see it is this. Pirates are ugly and most likely use these brightly colored birds to take people’s focus of their ugly faces. As well, the parrot is more of a pet than an ally, and at best will make a nice meal for our Falcon.

A Falcon on the other hand, is more than just a pet that sits around mooching off your scraps and pooping down the back of your shirt.  Its is also a really cool hunting buddy who just may help you catch a rabbit ducks or pheasant.

Essentially if you are starving, a parrot can only feed you once, whereas a falcon can feed you for a lifetime.

So what does a Falcon do that makes them so badass?

Well, if you think that you can create a loving bond with a Falcon, Eagle or Hawk, you couldn’t be more wrong. The bond between falcon and falconer is one of opportunity.

The Falcon sticks around because you feed it the best parts of any kill. It will gladly take down 3 or 4 rabbits for you in exchange for the prime cuts. Of course in the hunting relationship, you are the dog and the falcon is the master, so you have to go scare the rabbits and prey out of the bush so the falcon can swoop down and take care of business.

If you get real serious about hunting with falcons, you can upgrade to a golden eagle.  Just remember the following rule.

The bigger the bird, the bigger the bastard they are.

2. Cormorants

Cormorants are also known as shags and their is no Austin Powers pun intended.

People have been using these birds to catch fish since long before the invention of the fishing rod.  In the early days, a human on a raft would attach a snare around the birds throat so that it couldn’t swallow any fish and send it out fishing. When the bird returned to the raft, the human would remove the fish from the bird’s throat.

That’s right, before the invention of “choking the chicken”, there was “choking the cormorant”, which was a code word for “fishing” by yourself. (okay we made this last part up, cormorant fishing masters ride with a helper or “nakanori” and a champion rider or “Tomonori”)

Of course, choking a deep throated cormorant isn’t easy. In fact, they are known for the ability to hold up to 6 big fish in their throat at a time (they can still swallow the small ones).

In Japan, cormorant fishing is called ukai and has continued on the Nagara River uninterrupted for 1300 years.

3. Homing Pigeons

Years ago, homing pigeons weren’t just a way to send someone a delicious meal, they were also used to carry messages back and forth.

The Egyptians and the Persians first used carrier pigeons 3,000 years ago, while In 1860, Paul Reuter, (the founder of Reuters press agency), used a fleet of over 45 pigeons to deliver news and stock prices.

The world’s first ‘airmail’ stamps were issued for the Great Barrier Pigeon-Gram Service from 1898 to 1908.

And Homing pigeons are still employed in the 21st century by certain remote police departments in Orissa state in eastern India to provide emergency communication services following natural disasters.

Oh yeah, and have you heard of “VOIP” (voice over internet protocol)? Well there is now a proposal (although a humorous one) in computer networking and communications called “IPOAC” which stands for: Internet Protocol Over Avian Carriers.

In September 2009, a South African IT company, based in Durban, took an 11-month-old pigeon named “Winston” who was equipped with a secret 4GB memory stick and put him up against the ADSL service from the country’s biggest internet service provider, Telkom.

Winston took an hour and eight minutes to carry the data 80 km (50 miles). Including downloading, it took two hours, six minutes, and 57 seconds for the data to arrive, the same amount of time it took to transfer 4% of the data over the ADS.

4. Honeyguide

Honeyguides are known for deliberately leading humans to bee hives in a mutualistic relationship where the humans get the honey and the honey bees get the grubs and bees wax.

According to scientists, The Boran tribes of east Africa use a specific loud whistle, known as the “Fuulido”, right before they begin a honey search. This “Fuulido” whistle doubles the encounter rate with honeyguides.

Like the Cuckoo Bird, the honeyguides are bastards. They are born into a nest of other birds and hatch as a sort of “orphaned ugly duckling” Naturally being pissed off, they are known to kill the other baby birds in the nest from time to time as a way of getting all the food from their new adopted “host parent”

4 Hidden Messages in Songs that Aren’t Really There and 2 That Really Are.

Written by Jason Scott. Posted in Daily Daft, Funny But True

Sometime in history after the invention of the phonograph, people got stoned and started turning records backwards to hear what they thought were hidden satanic messages.

Although probably self prophetic in nature, there have been a few messages that still have us scratching our heads thinking “Was that put in there on purpose?” “is this whole rock and roll fiasco really the music of the devil?”

The Good news is that most of these messages are probably just coincidence, and if not, you probably don’t have anything to worry about unless your Benjamin Button  (in which case you are probably going straight to hell.)

Now we know what you’re thinking.

You’re thinking of what a cool movie it would be to watch Benjamin Button go to hell. First he would live his life forwards making all his mistakes, and then he would have to fix them as he aged backwards so that he could get into heaven instead of hell.

In fact, maybe that’s what Benjamin Button was actually about. We don’t know because nobody here watched it.

Anyway, this article is about back masking and hidden satanic messages in songs that probably aren’t really there.

The first being…..

1. Led Zeppelin – Stairway to Heaven,

One of the most famous of all backmasking tracks, Stairway to Heaven emits what appears to be a “possessed” Robert Plant speaking demonic incantations with the repeating words “My Sweet Satan” There is then some more specific phrases about suffering in a tool shed which may or may not have references to Old Yeller’s final days of madness.

Lets go to the tool shed Yeller -Travis brWhats that shot gun for Travis? - Old Yeller

"Let's go to the tool shed Yeller" -Travis "What's that shot gun for Travis?" - Old Yeller


Either way, the official story is that any message heard while playing Stairway to Heaven backwards is just in your mind.

2. Slayer “Hell Awaits “Join us, Join us, Join us”

According to the Leprechaun who tells people to burn things, if you play the song “Hell Awaits” backwards it says “Yvan Eht Nioj”

yvan eht nioj

Oops wrong video, (we should know not to trust that leprechaun by now)

It actually says “Join Us” in Demon Talk.

Now one might think that this was a hidden satanic message, untill of course they heard the song play forwards, which has lyrics like:

“Priests of Hades seek the sacred star
Satan sees the answer lays not far
Zombies Screaming souls cry out to you
Satanic Laws prevail your life is through.”

With lyrics like these, its unlikely that they are trying to “hide” satanic messages and in fact, lends to the possibility that this is a satanic song played backwards with “Angel” messages in it.


3. Queen another one bites the dust – its fun to smoke marijuana

In the early 1980s, a bunch of Christian evangelists got together in an uproar about the Rock song by Queen “Another One Bites the Dust” .  No they weren’t upset about how the term “bites the dust” could relate to death and may warp the mind of a child.  They were much more concerned that there was a message in the chorus that could be heard when played backwards.

This message apparently said: “It’s fun to smoke marijuana”

A spokeswoman for Hollywood Records  denied that the song contained any back masking or satanic ideology, and the way we see it, it is much more likely that this group of Christians got caught smoking marijuana and attempted to pass blame on a gay rock n’ roll star.

4. Nirvana at end of teen spirit

According to Urban legend, Curt Cobain didn’t like the smell of teenage girl’s armpits and attempted to create a hidden satanic message describing how he he felt that society viewed him as a child who is no longer cute because they have reached puberty, and now produce a smelly sweat that society doesn’t want to smell.

Yes, Curt was a very deep individual.

His message, when played backwards is heard as:

“I am you, I am you, I am you, I hate you for that, why do you hate so much, what ya have for me? What do you want Say yes to me, what are you doing, say yes to me I am bruised too much, say yes to me. “

Because these lyrics are so similar in grammar to Curt’s regular writing style, most fans believe he is either speaking from beyond the grave.    Unfortunately his zombie was unavailable for comment.

Now for the 2 hidden messages that were meant for your ears:

5.  The B52s detour through your mind.

When you play this song backwards you hear the words:

“I buried my Parakeet in the backyard. Oh, No, your playing the record backwards, watch out you might ruin your needle.”

Now some people might think that “Parakeet” is another term for “Pigeon” or “Rat” and that the b52s whacked someone and buried them in the backyard, while others may feel that they are poking fun at psychedelia and backmasking.

We’ll leave it up to you to decide

6. Pink Floyd. Empty Spaces.

The song “Empty Spaces” from the classic album “The Wall” is probably the most famous of all known backmasking messages.

When played backwards you will hear the following message:


“Hello, hunters. Congratulations. You’ve just discovered the secret message. Please send your answer to Old Pink, care of the funny farm, Chalfont.” (voice in background) “Roger! Carolyne is on the phone! Congratulations, you have found the hidden message.

Now we weren’t sure what type of prize we won, so we did like the record said and mailed away to Pink care of the funny farm. The Craziest thing was…..the mail we sent was delivered to us.

It was that moment that we realized that the hidden message was that we are all living in an insane asylum!

Now, others have tried to convince us that we don’t live on the funny farm and that the mail was just “Returned to Sender” because the Pink Floyd message wasn’t a contest, but a joke.  We think they missed the hidden message behind “The Wall”.

To help create a complete list of backmasking songs head over to wikipedia and help update their backmasking list.

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