Not So Secret Societies

Written by Jason Scott. Posted in Daily Daft, Funny But True

“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”- Groucho Marx



Groucho Marx


Did you get rejected from the StoneCutters when you applied for membership? Do you know that you are actually “The Chosen One” but just aren’t sure which secret society you are the “Chosen One” for?

If you don’t fit it with the main stream clubs perhaps you need to find a secret society (or not so secret) that is less about the exclusivity of keeping people out, and more about finding that bizarre form of happiness that only comes when certain birds of a feather flock together.

At Daft Gadgets, we have put together a list of societies that accept membership of people who may have a hard time fitting in to society’s norm. If you haven’t been accepted somewhere else already, you may find what you’re looking for in one of the clubs below. The only caveat is that it may make you an outcast of society in the process.

The Society for Geek Advancement

According to this society, when you believe in something strongly enough to not care if other people think its cool, it means you’re a geek. So technically, Charles Manson and Jesus are both geeks according to the society’s definition. Of course in modern times its cooler to be “Bad” than “good” so if you believe in doing anything good like loving and caring about people, donating time or money to charity, or smiling at people, you are probably a geek.

The society was founded upon the principles that everyone should embrace their inner and outer geek and enjoy doing it. The second founding principle is to be a geek that keeps giving back. So technically being a geek means you should also be homeless, since you give everything away. However, being homeless does not automatically make you a geek, that’s a syllogistic fallacy that any true geek would be aware of.

The society helps people come to terms similar to AA where it is encouraged to announce “My Name is such and such, and I’m a Geek.” They call this project the “I AM A GEEK” project. A project inspired by a Beer Commercial from the year 2000.

As we all know, Beer is the exception where its both cool and geeky, as was proven by google in their quest to create the ultimate beer which they call URKontinent named after the original supercontinent that made up the earth.

The Society of Barefoot Living

No, this is not a male chauvinist society that believes in keeping their women barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. On the contrary. The bare foot society is all about experiencing the the freedom of being in bare feet and the connection it gives you to your surroundings.

Apparently , the same barrier that protects you from stepping on pointy rocks and infected drug needles that we call “shoes” are also a barrier between us and nature. By removing this barrier we open our sensitivity enough to “feel” this connection, until our bodies make its version of a Callus Shoe that numbs down our feet.

According to the barefoot society:

  • it is healthy for your feet to go barefoot.
  • It is not against the law to go barefoot into any kind of establishment including restaurants.
  • It is also not against any health department regulation.
  • It is not against the law to drive barefoot.

Apparently, this means that anyone can join. Its not just a support group for hippies and martial artists.

The Society of Bead Researchers

This is a non profit scientific corporation that was created to foster historical archaeological and cultural research on beads. Its the be all and end all place for those interested in keeping up with any breaking news in bead research and group members get access to a biannual newsletter.

We suggested that they needed a catchy slogan like “Well I’ll Bead Ammed”, “Put an end to Wife Beading”, “Bead still my Beading Heart” , “That’ll Bead the Day”, “To Bead or not to Bead, that is the question”, and others, but have yet to hear back from the society.

Now as exciting as beads are, we actually found this society while looking this society…..

The Society of Beards.

No, this is not a secret society for terrorist members of the Taliban. It is actually a place where men with beards can get together online and smoke pipes and discuss things about life when your bearded. We don’t know a lot about the site because they only accept people with facial beards. However, they have had over 2.4 million page views to their website and have sworn to keep the site going until we are all dead on December 21st 2012 when the self fulfilling Mayan prophecy kills us all.

SCA Society of  Creative Anachronism

The Society of Creative Anachronism is a group that frustrated with their primitive inabilities to travel through time and have moved on to the next best thing. Recreating the past in modern times.

As it stands, they have been able to recreate the arts and skills of pre 17th century Europe which consists of 19 kingdoms of over 30,000 people. Yes, that’s right. They have an army of 30000 people at their disposal, who (luckily for us) are equipped with seriously out of date weapons.

Members of the society dress up in renaissance style, attend royal courts, feasts, dancing, various classes and workshops, and other things you may find during a Lord of the Rings
reenactment. Also, we suspect these may be the same people behind “Ivrea Carnevale:The Battle of The Orange” (see Daft Gadgets Columnist Monte Richards’ article: The 7 Most Insane Festival Battles On Earth

Whether you’re bearded, beaded, barefoot or bully cocked (from 17th century slang), there is a secret society just waiting for you to join. If you don’t like any of the above, you can always start you own. There may even be some money in it if you can come up with something that enough people want to join. You could try:

The Society of celebrity lookalikes – as a niche facebook alternative

The society of attractive people (which sounds exclusive, but you only need one attractive quality to join)

The Society of Odd Unique Talents – Everybody has at least one

The Society of RC Taxidermists – as a way to bring joy with the death of your pet. (see Daft Gadgets Article “Things that haven’t been invented”)

And pretty much anything else.

Be creative, start your not so secret society now and get guaranteed acceptance.

Don’t forget to check out some of our cool geek toys


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Jason Scott

"They will Rue the Day They Gave Me Free Reign Over this Blog" Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! (insert evil into laughter)

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