Posts Tagged ‘funny blog’

Light Gadgets – Looking for Some New Ambiance? Try Light Gadgets

Written by Jason Scott. Posted in Gadgets

According to smart brained scientists, lighting effects your mood. They did a study where they exposed monkeys to sunlight and darkness and water and alcohol. The monkeys who got sunlight were all socially happy, while the monkeys who were deprived sunlight became alcoholics. Of course, there are some even smarter brained scientists who say that the true reasons monkeys become alcoholics is because they had a bad childhood. See NIH article: What you can learn from drunk monkeys

Now you may feel that testing the effects of alcohol on monkeys is cruel, but we feel it is still a step up from the previous studies like: “Multiple Stab Wounds May Be Harmful To Monkeys

Anywho, back to light. Light effects your mood in many ways, which is why mood dictators and thought police probably invented mood lighting in the first place. The good news is that you when you get home, you no longer have to accept the government mood lighting of street lamps or the suicidal fluorescent lighting found in the office. You just need to grab one of the light gadgets found below to find a happier mood in no time.

Light Gadgets – The Moonlight Cushion

Glowing Moonlite cushion

The moonlight cushion adds a rainbow of color to any place you can put your feet up. Its quite possible that somewhere some evil corporation is enslaving leprechauns, forcing them to add a rainbow to each cushion, but more likely its a low power soft LED light that gives the moonlight cushion its power.

Watch as the colors hypnotize you into a deep trance. Once there, you can have someone make positive suggestions that can help you do anything from exercising more, to overcoming your deep rooted fear of clowns!

Note: if you are afraid of clowns don’t read article: Crazy Ass Pyscho Clowns You Don’t Want Under Your Bed.

Light Gadgets – LED Bulb

mood lighting light bulb

Tired of wasting electricity on some inferior light bulb that only lasts about 1000 hours and only projecting one color from the light spectrum? Sure, you could paint your light bulbs and risk electrocuting yourself or others when you change them during parties, or you can buy and LED Mood Bulb and blow the minds of your guests with superior powered party mood lighting!

The LED Mood Bulb lasts over 50,000 hours, which is a lifetime if you live in Swaziland or you are a knight from the 1300s. This light gadget allows you to adjust the brightness intensity, choose between 16 different colors (4 auto changing colors). The LED Mood light also lets you choose from 4 lighting effects including: Strobe, Flash, Fade, and Smoooooth.

 

Light Gadgets – DIY Laser Light Show

When you arrive at a party does the hostess ask questions like “Is that a laser show in your pocket or are you just happy to me?” If so feel free to flash the entire party a view of the pocket laser light show.

This DIY laser show lets you jack up the speed dial for when the best get pumping fast, or take it down a notch if you want the party to get a bit smoother. Also it comes with its own tripod so you can just set it up and let it do its thing (the laser light show is sound reactive.)

Light Gadgets – Laspro Spirograph Laser Projector

Laser Pro Light Detector

If you are looking for a more “retro” oriented laser projector you can check out the Laspro Spirograph sound reactive laser projector. Most of us who weren’t neglected by our parents got to play with a Spirograph when we were kids. Sure, maybe you got an etch-a-sketch or a lite-bright instead, but somewhere, either at a friends house, at school, or during the secret evaluation the government does on children to see if they are worthy of society or better off as organ donors, we all came into contact with a Spirograph. It was a way to draw while staying inside the lines while still opening our imagination to new and interesting shapes. Kind of like cheap drugs for kids.

Anyway, now you can bring back those memories and realize once again that there is more to the universe that just a square, circle and triangle.

 

Light Gadgets – The Astro Eye Planetarium

By far one of the most popular light gadgets around, the Astro Eye Planetarium brings the night sky into your home. No, it doesn’t bring in the smog and pollution to poison your children the way that nature has since she took up smoking. This light gadget projects the stars of the universe on your walls and ceilings.

The good news is that it can project a night sky with or without constellations. Both can be very relaxing. Unless of course you are an Astrologer and you see that the constellations are predicting your death, then this light gadget may not be for you, but for everyone else, the astro eye is a great experience

Light Gadgets – The LED Car Emoticon

LED Emoticon Car Sign

Sometimes horn honking, finger gestures and getting out of your car with a lead pipe in your hand just isn’t a practical way to communicate with other drivers.

We can all probably agree that our moods are contagious. When a driver does something stupid, and we’re sure it wasn’t us this time, we know they are an idiot and need to be told. The problem is that they are protected behind a windshield and can’t hear what we have to say. Sure, some of us know some sign language, but in the end a lot of people take out their frustrations on McDonalds employees who forgot to ask us if we wanted to super-size our orders, leaving us with with a kids meal portion and no toy to make us happy.

We say, instead of passing on only our bad opinions creating negative energy in the universe and leading us to overeat fast food, why not spread “positive emotions” and spread smiles and happiness, and thoughts of puppies and such.

The Drivemocion LED car sign does just that. Not only does it have a smiley face and wink, it also has a thank you sign and a “sorry” sign “a.k.a I’m an idiot sign”. See, it Mcdonalds that had it right all along, when they offered smiles on their menu for free. Next time you’re at McDonalds, ask them for a few smiles to go and pass on some fun.  If they don’t smile a few times into a “to go” bag, call the manager and threaten to sue for false advertising.

 

You Can Check Out Our Complete Selection of LED and Light Gadgets in the Geek Toys and Gadgets Section of our Gadget Shop

5 Super Adorable Exotic Pets (who make absolutely terrible pets)

Written by Monte Richard. Posted in Daily Daft, Funny But True

5. Ferrets

Video: Ferrets


Photo Thanks: www.sheknows.com

Photo Thanks: www.sheknows.com

“Awww…he’s all tuckered out. Now he’s going to curl up in a nest of you’re socks he’s crammed behind the fridge.”

Ferrets, those mischievous masked scamps. They’re like slinky, sinuous, cats with comically long necks and bodies. These are affectionate, playful, inquisitive animals. If you get them descented they don’t smell too bad and they can be litter trained with some patience. In fact, a ferret or two would make an excellent addition to your home. Provided you can keep the darn things from killing themselves. Ferrets curiosity and energy mixed with the fact that they can squeeze into tight places pretty much guarantees that they’ll get themselves in trouble unless you ferret proof your house. If you thought babies were helpless and stupid, here are just a few of the many many things you need to do to keep your suicide prone weasel safe.

Photo Thanks: Critteristic.com

Photo Thanks: Critteristic.com

“They’re dead…but it’s still cute.”

They love holes, so plug up everything. Don’t assume your ferret hasn’t crawled into your vacuum cleaner or your drain pipes (don’t turn on the garbage disposal!). Rocking chairs and fold out beds are pretty much blunt guillotines, so get rid of them. Keep your toilet bowl lid down or they’ll drown themselves. And they love to eat odd things, so watch what you leave laying around. Vets have pulled foam ear plugs, paper clips, erasers, rubber bands, mousepad pieces, Velcro, calculator keypads, stockings out of their stomachs. Always check the dirty clothes before throwing them on to wash because rodent blood will absolutely ruin a blouse. Make sure your medicine is kept in childproof containers and is out of reach (wait…seriously?). You should also probably look into getting your ferret a bright yellow helmet with a warning label that reads ‘special’.

4. Kinkajous

Video: Kinkajou

photo thanks: blue-n-gold.com

photo thanks: blue-n-gold.com

“The cutest animal ninja of them all.”

This ferret-monkey-bear looking thing is not only cute, but also very playful. The Kinkajou is energetic, loves to leap and climb, has a prehensile tail like a monkey and will use you as it’s personal tree. It also has a six-inch long tongue. Which is all awesome right? And it’ll bite the ever-loving hell out of you if you mess up, just like it did to Paris Hilton…twice.

Even though their diet consists mainly of fruit they have extremely sharp teeth and a strong bite. Scientists don’t really know why this frugivore even needs friggin vampire-like incisors. What kind of fruit can’t be taken out with anything less than fangs? Regardless many owners swear that these creatures are gentle and affectionate. Just as long as you don’t crowd them too much, don’t make too many sudden movements, respect their territory and don’t wake them up during the day. It’s also recommended that let them have their own room cuz they need lots of space. You should probably give strong consideration to turning your entire life over to your Kinkajou. It would make things easier. (So yes, it’s exactly like being married.) Follow these simple guidelines and you’ll come away mostly unscathed…probably. They also live anywhere from 20 to 40 years, so be prepared to have this hyper, saber-toothed squirrel-chimp around forever. Oh, and in at least three states Raccoon Roundworms have been discovered in the feces of Kinkajou pets…which can be fatal to humans…and Kinkajou’s can’t be litter trained (or any kind of trained actually).

3. Owls

Owl Video

Because chicks dig vicious killer bird that can maim and/or disfigure you for life.”

Wook, it’s a soft fwuzzy widdle owl. He’s so tiny and fruffy and wovable. I wants one! Friggin Harry Potter’s got an owl mom. Why can’t I have one? Well first of all it’s illegal. But who cares right? People still keep these things. But there are other reasons that should make you reconsider adopting one of these plushy raptors. Mostly, it’s because they’re birds of prey, so besides having razor sharp claws and beaks that can cut you, your furniture and virtually anything else in your house to shreds, they’ll also see any other pets as potential food. We can’t stress enough how powerful and sharp and their talons are. They can cut you to the bone just by being playful. Some of the larger owls have a grip of up to two hundred pounds per square inch. Humans can barely squeeze for twenty.

Photo Thanks www.3news.co.nz

Photo Thanks www.3news.co.nz

“You’re perfectly safe as long as you don’t stop petting him.”

And if the bird has imprinted on you then it’ll think you’re its mate. Which basically means it owns you and it’ll attack anyone who comes near you. I hope you don’t plan to date. During mating season it’ll hoot and screech all night long too. And you’d better darn well hoot back and you’d better act like you like it…if you know what’s good for you. And they won’t like anyone else but you which means only you can feed them, so no vacations away from home…ever. They also have special diets which consists of whole animals. They will also throw up everything they don’t digest, like livers and intestines, so be prepared to clean that loveliness up.

2. Slow Loris

What is a Slow Loris? Watch these videos first:  Slow Loris

Photo Thanks: Cuteoverload.com

Photo Thanks: Cuteoverload.com

“Feed me! The cuteness compels you.”

Holy heck on a stick!!! That has got to be the cutest thing on the face of this forsaken mud ball we call earth! That precious guy is packing some epic, weapons grade adorableness. That innocent, wide-eyed little bugger is just begging to have the heck cuddled out of him. He’s such a slow, itty-bitty monkey. It’s like a tiny, fuzzy old man. Why doesn’t everyone have one of these sweet little raccoon sloths? Because they have poisonous elbows (no, seriously). The Slow Loris has special glands in their elbows which secret a toxin that causes rapid swelling and intense pain (it’s all true, why would we make this up?). They lick their elbows so that they’re bite can deliver this venom to the bloodstream (go ahead, try to lick your elbow).

photo thanks: weird-bizzare-creepy.tumblr.com

photo thanks: weird-bizzare-creepy.tumblr.com

“This may look like a ‘don’t beat me’ pose, but in reality it’s getting its elbows in attack position.”

Owning one is illegal, because they’re endangered in the wild. Their poison also makes them smell like sweat socks. They like to bed down in dirty cloths hampers (cuz it smells like home probably). They have extremely sharp teeth and despite their slow appearance they can strike like lighting. The poison doesn’t kill, but it causes painful throbbing and swelling.

1. Sugar Gliders

video:Sugar Gliders

photo thanks: www.washingtonpost.com

photo thanks: www.washingtonpost.com

It’s wearing a bow! She’s a proper little lady! What…why is my arm wet?”

These lovely flying squirrel-possums are small, cute and they love to play and run around. And the best part is they can glide! You and a friend can toss one around in the back yard like a baseball (please don’t). What could be more fun and adorable than an aerial hamster with stripes like an English badger? And then it pees on you. As a matter of fact, it’ll probably do more than pee. Sugar gliders have no real control over when they defecate. When they wake up, they pee. When they eat, they pee. When you take them out to play, they pee. But don’t worry, that probably means he likes you.

photo thanks: www.dailymail.co.uk

photo thanks: www.dailymail.co.uk

The fur bat strikes!”

Another great thing about sugar gliders is that they suck the juices out of their food. They don’t really ‘eat’ fruit. They just squeeze it to a mushy pulp and then they spit it out…all over the wall, the floor, the ceiling. These little critters are renowned for making a huge mess. They can also smell strongly (but maybe that’s because it’s covered in urine 24 hours a day). And don’t think you can get just one. Sugar gliders are social creatures and they need lots of attention or they might freak out and attack you or themselves or just straight out die. (Did we mention that in the wild they chew threw bark so you’re skin is laughably easy for them to peal away?) It’s best if you have two so they don’t get lonely. So that’s twice the mess, twice the smell but also twice the fun!

Oh, and they bark all night long cuz their nocturnal animals. Sweet dreams.

If you are looking to block out the insane barking of a sugar glider, or just the voices in your head you can try the memory foam sleep mask with headphone input from DaftGadgets.com

Sources:

Ferrets

http://www.seniorlink.co.nz/interests/pets/ferret.shtml
http://www.all-about-ferrets.com/ferret-proofing.html

Kinkajou

http://www.jandaexotics.com/Kinkajou.html

Owls

http://www.festivalofowls.com/owlsaspets.htm
http://www.buzzle.com/articles/owls-as-pets.html

Slow Loris

http://www.kingsnake.com/toxinology/loris/slow_loris.html

Sugar Gliders

http://www.sugarglider.com/

http://factoidz.com/why-is-my-sugar-glider-throwing-his-food-all-around/

The 7 Most Insane Festival Battles On Earth

Written by Monte Richard. Posted in Daily Daft, Funny But True

Some parties are just better than others. Sure Mardi Gras in New Orleans is fun what with the bead throwing and all the craziness associated with it. But how about the worlds biggest food fight? Or a festival where people try to set you on fire? This is a list of the greatest annual festival on earth where people battle each other.

Here they are, the largest, the most incredible and the most dangerous mock combat engagements from around the globe. If you go, make sure you bring your grrr face and a helmet, because things are about to get insane.

1 – La Tomatina

The Largest Food Fight In The World

No, this is not an orgy or a scene from the vampire movie

 

Photo from wikipedia

“And you thought Spain’s water parks were awesome.”

Often mistaken by vampires as a really big blood orgy, La Tomatina the largest annual food fight in the world. If you have severe tomato allergies then August 29th, Buñol, Spain is the perfect place to commit suicide. This little town of nine thousand swells to nearly 50 thousand celebrants for the messiest food fight on earth. The whole town shuts down and the streets run red with the life juices of this popular vegetable (fruit?). There are literal rivers of marinara after it’s all over.

The tomato festivities begin at 11 am with the launching of five tomato-packed rockets. Yes, the Spanish have developed tomato based artillery. Next someone from the crowd has to climb a greased poll to get the ham at the top (because you’ve got to have something to go with all of this ketchup, right). Then, for the next 2 hour everybody goes absolutely insane hurling 250,000 pounds of tomatoes at each other.

 

throwing tomatoes from a truck

“At least there weren’t as many casualties as last year!”

The rules for the tomato fight are simple enough: no ammo other than tomatoes is allowed, all tomatoes must be squished before being thrown, and you have to fling these crimson wads of mush at everyone you see. No one knows exactly why the festival started, but it’s taken on a life of its own and is now copied in a few other tomato crazed cities around the world. After the two hours is up the fire trucks role in and they start hosing down the whole town. Although can you ever really wash away the smell of a metric ton of tomato paste? You should probably wear a mask if you go to this one since tomatoes are acidic and can irritate the eyes. And bring some crackers because there going to be a whole lot of soup.

Here’s the Video:

2 – Batalla del Vino:

Wine Wars


photo thanks to Wikipedia
photo thanks to Wikipedia

“We hope you look good in mauve”

Whereas most festivals in Spain are devoted to a particular saint, Batalla del Vino which takes place on June 29th exists for a whole different reason. There was a land dispute between two villages in Spanish wine country near the town of Haro over a hundred years ago. Apparently things got pretty heated and they tried to kill each other with the only weapon available to them…delicious red wine. The conflict didn’t go away over the years but it became less violent while still retaining the whole drown each other in wine thing. Whats unique about this event is that the purpose is not to get drunk on wine, but to soak each other with the grapey libations. It’s like a water fight where the water has been replaced by ten thousand gallons of happy juice.

haro wine festival hose

“The wine fire hose……….. reason number 211 why festivals in Europe rule.”

Needless to say don’t wear anything you don’t want permanently stained pinkish purple. And you might want to invest in some sort of liquid dispensing device. People come to this event ready to do combat with just about everything you could imagine. Squirt bottles, leather water skins, water guns, buckets, cups, backpack insecticide sprayers (yeah, just rinse out the poison and fill it with wine, its all good) and fire trucks. Yes, they’ve rigged fire trucks to spray fermented grape juice. How awesome is that! Bring the kids as hosing down people in alcohol is a family event in Spain. They don’t even card.

Here’s the video:

grape jelly

“And the streets are paved with grape jelly!”

3 – Ivrea Carnevale:

The Battle of The Orange

photo hyd-masti.com

photo hyd-masti.com

“Kill the Oppressors”

While La Tomatina may be the largest food fight in the world the title of most brutal probably goes to the Carnival in Ivrea Italy, which is held 40 days before lent. For this one standard swim goggles may not be enough since you’re going to get beat with oranges. The battle consists of the crowd attacking groups of well armored men on floats with the citrus fruits. And the floats are pulled around the streets by teams of horses, so the battle changes as they move around the city. You also probably have a chance of seeing someone get trampled to death because a miss thrown fruit ticked off a horse. It’s pure orangy chaos.

It’s supposed to be a recreation of a battle that no one is sure actually happened.

photo hyd-masti.com
photo hyd-masti.com

“Yes, its that serious”

The peasants revolted against their cruel masters and beat them to death with fruit. Actually no, the oranges are supposed to represent stones and arrows. Even still, oranges hurt, so you’d better dress accordingly. And they say it’s not really a waste because these are excess oranges that the European Union forces them to destroy anyway. I guess because there are too many oranges in the world and we’ve solved world hunger while while none of us were looking.

In the end there’s so much orange on the ground they have to get slow plows to clean the streets. It used to be that people could chuck oranges from the windows of the houses surrounding the narrow streets. But apparently that was too brutal on the tourists (pansies) so now you have to either be on the ground or on a float to throw an orange. But even still, it’s a friggin orange. That’s like throwing a softball at someone. At least you won’t get scurvy though.

Heres the video:

photo hyd-masti

photo hyd-masti

“Face shields are optional, because really, it’s just fruit…right?”

4 – Wasserschlacht Battle:

Garbage Fight

 

Photo spiegel.de

“Take the train. It’s safer. Probably.”

The Wasserschlacht is one of the more recent festivals, but it is no less crazy than any of the others on this list. In 1998 in Berlin German the districts of Friedrichshain and Kreuzberg were joined together governmentally. Unfortunately these two sections of town don’t get along very well. To show their dissention the disgruntled citizen staged a water fight on a bridge joining the two sides. However, over the years it has escalated somewhat. Now the Wasserschlacht has turned into more of a dirty food fight with some arson mixed in for good measure.

Although officially only flower and water and foam swords and shields are supposed to be the allowed participants on both sides have begun stepping up their game. First they added eggs and rotted fruit. But now you can get hit with anything from stinky fish to used diapers. No one has flung a dead cat yet, but its coming. And the event has been known to get a little out of hand at times.

Photo spiegel.de

Photo spiegel.de

“Someone is letting all this good trash go to waist.”

Floats and vehicles have been set ablaze by the overtly zealous combatants. It had gotten so bad that one year the city canceled the event. When the police blocked the rioters…I mean ‘participants’ the got pelted with all the ammunition instead, cuz don’t you dare deny the Germans their god given rights to fling refuse at one another. It has since started up again (sponsored by a garbage company of course) with each year getting more rambunctious than the last…of course. When can you get in on the action? It’s generally held on the last Sunday of August.

Heres a video:

photo pics24h.com

photo pics24h.com

“The fire and the gas masks add a nice apocalyptic feel to the festival.”

Garbage Day in 1980s Hollywood

Garbage Day in 1980s Hollywood

The USA version of the Garbage day fight is a little different

5 –Nozawa Onsen Dosojin Matsuri:

The Drunken Arson Festival

Photo panoramio.com/photo/18425502

Photo panoramio.com

“Do you think we’ve got enough fire wood? When this thing goes up it needs to be seen from space.”

The little village of Nozawa Onsen in the mountains of Japan takes their fire festival seriously. Originally began as an invocation to the gods for a good harvest, health and good fortune in the coming year, it has been expanded to include a supplication to the heavens for a good ski season as well. Taking place on January 15th every year, the festival is staged by men aged 42 and 25 which they believe are the “unlucky ages”. They don’t go into an explanation about why this is so, but it’s probably because men around 25 are just starting to get married (and instead of saying ‘hey you just lost all your freedom’ the Japanese call it ‘unlucky’) and men around 42 are just starting to get divorced (lucky for you she’s only taking half of everything).

photo snowjapan.com

photo snowjapan.com

So they build a two-story shrine made out of wood which the town will attempt to burn down. The 25 year olds defend the bottom with sticks and the 42 year olds sit on the top and get drunk. Actually everyone is drunk, but it seems that the 42 year olds only job in this festival is to get drunk and egg on the crowd…who are also drunk. Because trying to set each other on fire sober would just wrong.

photo snow japan

photo snow japan

“Probably the only place in the world where its perfectly legal to hit someone in the face with a torch.”

First the little kids are given flaming torches and told to run over and try to set that tower on fire thereby immolating those nice inebriated men protecting it. Once the rugrats have had their shot at manslaughter the entire town tries to set the shrine ablaze. The battle is fierce and cuts and burns are the order of the day. The outnumbered defenders try to bat the torches away while the rest of the town folk burn them. Yeah, it’s totally fair. And of course this is done at night in the snow and everyone is drunk. In fact, there are designated sake men whose job it is to walk around and offer people drinks.

After about four hours of everyone trying to kill one another the shrine is vacated and they set it on fire. The dry wood, likely infused with the drunken sweat and breath of its defenders goes up in a blaze of glory as an offering to the gods. The dying embers, kicked up by the mountain winds swirl about smoldering in peoples cloths. And then everyone passes out drunk, burnt and bloody. And if the gods are pleased then the skiers will come back next year.

photo nozawa-onsen.com

photo nozawa-onsen.com

“The guys at the top are tasked with the difficult job of getting really wasted and snarky.”

6 – “Las Bolas de Fuego”:

Fireball Festival

 

photo rawmeat.com

”And you thought Mortal Kombat was just a video game.”

Lots of places have festivals where weird stuff gets thrown through the air. There’s a festival in Spanish town of El Puig has their annual Batalla de la Rata Muerta where they’ll throw dead rats at each other. In Laza, Spain for Entroido they’ll get mud balls full of live ants and toss that into the crowd for fun. But none of those can hold a candle to Las Bolas de Fuego in Nejapa El Salvador for sheer craziness. They throw fireballs at one another…seriously.

In 1922 an erupting volcano forced the people of Nejapa El Salvador to evacuate.  As they were leaving, locals saw great balls of fire spewing out of the volcano, and believed their patron saint, San Jeronimo, was actually fighting the devil for them. So to commemorate this event the locals stage a fight where they hurl friggin fireballs at each other.  Not fireworks.  Not balls of paper painted to look like flames.  They wad up old rags, dip them in kerosene for a month and set them ablaze.  The city divides itself into two teams.  Those guys on that side of the street verses everyone else on this side.  Equipped with water soaked gloves, cloths, masks, war paint, and massive kohones the festival participants then proceed to lob genuine, honest to god fireballs at one another!

Is it dangerous?  No, of course not. Sure, people have gotten burned and some have died but nothing major.  It’s just a solidified blob of plazma after all. Where’s the harm in tossing these things around crowded streets. And considering that this is El Salvador, getting hit in the face with a burning sack of kerosene is probably not your biggest worry.  What other nation would have a firebomb festival right in the middle of town?

Here’s the Video:

7 – Takeuchi Matsuri:

The Beat Each Other With Sticks Festival

photo pref.akita.jp

Valentines day in Japan must be particularly brutal, but cause the very next day is the Takeuchi Matsuri. What does Takeuchi Matsuri mean? ‘Get The Biggest Stick You Can Find And Beat Your Neighbor Senseless’. That’s not an exact translation of course but it’s pretty close…probably. The day after Valentines Day men in towns all across Japan get liquored up, grab a twenty-foot length of bamboo and proceed to beat the snot out of their rivals. The towns divide into North vs South. The combat is three rounds and the police and medical teams are there to make sure the festivities don’t get out of hand. But what could possibly go wrong? It’s just a couple hundred inebriated neighbors pummeling one another with massive poles and sometimes fists.

photo japanprobe.com

photo japanprobe.com

It is believed that if the North wins, a good harvest of rice is promised, and if the South wins, the price of rice will go up. Kind of like our ground groundhog day, but with giant clubs and a hefty butt whoopin. So yeah, these guys are actually fighting for something…kind of. Where as the rest of the festivals on this list are just for fun or because you’re crazy, the Takeuchi Matsuri decides the fate of rice…but not really. So you can bet these people play for keeps. When you get there get a helmet, a thick jacket and guzzle down as much sake as you can to numb the pain because getting tagged with a twenty-foot stitch is going to smart.

But most of all have fun!

photo akitajet.com

photo akitajet.com

If you have a crazy Festival or Celebration Planned, check out our Cool Water Lanterns at DaftGadgets.com

How to Read a Person Like a Book. Part 2. – Insecure/Submissive Poses and Postures

Written by Jason Scott. Posted in Daily Daft, Funny But True

If you’ve read the previous article from Daft Gadgets that dealt with how to read a person’s Confidence (or take advantage of their over confidence like Luke Skywalker and The Emperor) Then you may be thinking to yourself  “If I pose in these confident positions, how do I know if the person is buying into my dominance over them?”

The answer is simple. By learning how to spot submissive and non confrontational poses and postures in others.

The body language pictured below depict insecurity and submission.  If you spot someone in one of these poses it may be due to your overwhelming charisma or their overall lack of alcohol. It will be up to you to decide which is which.

1. The Nose Rub.

The Nose Rub

Yes, the nose rub. It was Citizen Kane’s last words (or something like that) and is one of the most common armature poker tells out there. Although this can be done intentionally to signal anything from corroboration of a conspiracy or whether or not to steal 3rd base, the nose rub says a lot more than just “I feel like Pinocchio” and if you can label it correctly, you may just find yourself one step above Geppetto on the puppet master scale.

The Nose Rub is most famous for deceit, but it also has roots within the realm of insecurity and submissiveness, sometimes showing feelings of doubt or rejection of what someone is saying. For example,

if one is entertaining a Jehovah’s witness at the door to be polite, they may find themselves rubbing their nose if they feel insecure about their beliefs or if they feel offended that the JW is trying to proselytize them.

Sometimes however, the insecurity comes not from dominance, but fear of authority, as if the nose rubber is asking themselves “Did I just get away with that?”

2. The Hair Pull/Twirl.

The hair pull

Although playing with hair is a well known sign of sexual anxiety in mixed gender confrontations, this form of body language has a tendency to show up under other forms of stress as well.

Generally, this shows lack of self confidence and sometimes nervousness.

3. The Rain Cloud.

the rain cloud

This pose spells out dejection in an obvious way. Its as if a rain cloud is pouring over the person. People who frequently stand or walk in the rain cloud position make for good converts to a new religion or cult.

4. The Eye Rub

The Eye Rub

The Eye Rub is a sign of disbelief. Not in the “I can’t believe its not butter” excited way, but more in the “I doubt myself and can’t believe I’m screwed again” type way.

As well, the person may rub their eyes do to insecurity, since people’s eye water more when they are uncomfortable. The eye rub is a way to hide behind their hands, and may also be used to deceptively feign tiredness (see article on liars in part 3)

5. The Arm Cross

The Arm Cross

The Arm Cross is a very defensive position. It signals that the person doing it doesn’t want to accept the ideas presented to them.

Its kind of like a pouty child who doesn’t want to go to bed.

In some cases (especially in women) the arm cross can be done to feel more secure or possibly even warmer if its chilly, but during an idea exchange, the arm cross generally means no, even if she’s already naked.

6. The Nail Bite

The Nail Bite

Pretty much everyone picks up on this one. The Nail Biter shows nervousness. However there is some medical evidence that nail biting can be linked to a mineral deficiency.

Nail biting can also be a sign that someone did something wrong and doesn’t want to get caught, or anything where there is anxiety over not knowing the coming events.

7. The Angry Mom.

The Angry Mom

Yes, even men do the angry mom pose from time to time.

This posture of standing straight with the hands on hips shows readiness and aggression. When you view this pose, it helps to picture the person saying: “young lady/man”. Its is generally a response to the challenging of ones authority, either over themselves or over others, which is why its best known in parents during the rebellious teenage years.

The Angry Mom may seem scary, but its really a sign of insecurity. When you see this pose, it pays to look for the hypocrisy (just don’t point it out.)

8. The Ear Pull

The Ear Pull

The Ear pull is a sign of indecision. If the ear puller is listening to you, they may be trying to decide if you are telling the truth or not. In a lot of cases, the ear puller doesn’t like the choices presented and is merely trying to avoid an ultimatum.

This one is another great amateur poker tell that shows weakness. Be careful though, they may have the cards and just feeling indecision to call due to the size of the bet.

Now that you have the ability to spot both confidence and insecurity in body language, the last thing to learn is how to spot deception.  Log in next week for Part 3 of the Daft Gadgets Article: How to read a person like a book – Deception.

4 Secret Lives of Badass Video Game Characters You’d Never Expect to See

Written by Mark Coen. Posted in Daily Daft

Everyone always assumes that their favorite video game badass is frozen in time when they aren’t killing zombies or saving the world. At Daft Gadgets, we believe that to be both egotistical and just plain wrong. We own the rights to play as the character in our games, but we don’t own the right to dictate the lives they lead outside of our game pads. They lives they live outside their on screen adventures might not be as exciting as hacking someone down with a pick axe or playing spy in a cardboard box, but everyone, even game characters need their downtime.

Our list of attempts to show you how the our warped collective minds view the lives of the human beings behind their badass game character personas.

4. Solid Snake:

World Saving Hero and Hide and seek champion

While it’s true that Snake’s smoking doesn’t really make for role model material, it’s his style of hide and seek that has people saying that he is kind of a dick. He lost his championship title for a while because people just started kicking every cardboard box lying around. He didn’t honestly think that would work forever did he? Once his octocam was fully functional he, once again, took hide and seek to the next level. However, It was all fun and games until the pressure and success of being the grand hide and seek champion went to his head.

It began with snake pulling somewhat hilarious pranks on his friends…err…friend Otacon. He would trip him and they would laugh because, well, Otacon designed the damn thing so he had it coming anyway. Once Snake became bored of that, however, things got ugly. He would enter hide and seek games that was not invited to. Parents and children alike were pretty much horrified when a full grown man with a mustache and a mullet would stand up in the middle of a playground and shout “I win losers!”

Only once did a child ever truly challenge the master, and the illustration shows why he was also the last.

"Nobody beats solid snake at Hide n' Seek"

"Nobody beats solid snake at Hide n' Seek"

3. Nathan Drake and Lara Croft

Nathan Drake is basically a slightly intoxicated Indiana Jones. Lara Croft is already rich and just has a thing for competition. People have been comparing these two ever since Drake hit the scene a few years back. Lara had been out of shape at that point so putting up fisticuffs would have not ended well. Instead, PBS hosts a weekly bout called Antiques Roadshow. At first they competed by bringing in lost treasures to be appraised. This quickly grew old for both of them for different reasons. Not enough explosions for Drake, and not enough shooting defenseless animals for Lara.

nathan lara antique roadshow

This gave way to an all new competition. They put their swindling abilities to the test to see who could talk the most swag out of people by pretending to be hosts on the show. Nate would be his usual bumbling, charming self while Lara would confuse people with her accent.   Both have since been discredited by the archeologists society and have been last seen selling anything from fake holy grails to fake Faberge eggs.

2. Leon Kennedy

Rocks “non” zombies’ faces off too

It was pretty clear that he is emo with that haircut he sported. Feeling dead “inside” he carries a deep connection and understanding of the undead, believing that they only attack us so that they can die a final death and end their time in shrodinger’s hell.

After a hard day’s work of blowing the heads off a procession of zombies, he needs to vent his despair. His band “Zombie Suicide” might not top the charts but that doesn’t stop him from raping peoples’ ears with what he calls music.

After vampire kids were all the rage, Leon was sure that he could compel some of the youth to transform into zombie kids. He was right. Sort of. Some kids did start to dress like zombies at first but that only made it more difficult for people to disseminate who was a real zombie and who wasn’t. This caused a psychotic break in Leon and he started on a path of killing everything that looked remotely like a zombie.

He is currently incarcerated and charged in the death of various rock stars, runway models, and DMV employees.

1. Glad0s volunteers for a suicide hot line

Keep doing whatever it is you think youre doing. Killing you and giving you good advice arent mutually exclusive

"Keep doing whatever it is you think you're doing. Killing you and giving you good advice aren't mutually exclusive

Glad0s’ ear speakers perked up when she heard of a suicide hotline for humans that was seeking volunteers. Problem is, for the humans, that Glad0s sort of completely hates people.

Her first caller said that he wanted to hang himself, but was troubled regarding the last memory his family would have of him and wondered if he should kill himself in either his best suit or go out and rent a tux for the occasion. Glas0s informed him that it probably wouldn’t matter what he was wearing because humans loose control of their bowels when they kill themselves in this fashion.

Needless to say, his family was both confused and horrified to find him hanging from the ceiling naked wearing nothing but a diaper.

On another occasion, a caller told her that he hated life because it the world he lived in was such a horrible place, so much in fact and that he wished he hadn’t been born. Glad0s then responded that it was a selfish act for the caller to kill himself and that he had a duty to save anyone else who lived in the same horrible place he did buy preventing the birth of others. The caller later put on a hockey mask and went on a killing spree, focusing primarily on couples who he believed were copulating.

Dramatization using serial killer t-shirt from Daft Gadgets.  Dont try this at home.

Dramatization using serial killer t-shirt from Daft Gadgets. Don't try this at home.

Although the movie rights turned into one of the best selling horror film series of all time, Glad0s ended up being fired due to bad PR and currently works as a computer customer service phone operator for a mobile phone company

Other great words of advice from Glad0s are:

“I’d just like to point out that you were given every opportunity to succeed. There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to. All your other friends couldn’t come either, because you don’t have any other friends. Because of how unlikeable you are. It says so here in your personnel file: Unlikeable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikeable loner whose passing shall not be mourned. ‘Shall not be mourned.’ That’s exactly what it says. Very formal, very official. It also says you were adopted. So that’s funny, too.”

“Speaking of curiosity, you’re curious about what happens after you die, right? Guess what? I know! You’re going to find out first-hand before I can finish telling you, though, so I won’t bother. I’ll give you a hint: you’re going to want to pack as much living as you possibly can into the next couple of minutes.”

“I have your brain scanned and permanently backed up in case something terrible happens to you… which it’s just about to. Don’t believe me? Here. I’ll put you on. [in a high pitched voice] Hello! [normal voice] That’s you! That’s how dumb you sound! You’ve been wrong about every single thing you’ve ever done, including this thing. You’re not smart. You’re not a scientist. You’re not a doctor. You’re not even a full-time employee. Where did your life go so wrong?”

We’re a lot alike, you and I. You tested me. I tested you. You killed me. I—oh, no, wait. I guess I haven’t killed you yet. Well. Food for thought.

―GLaDOS

At the end of the day, it is important to understand that some of the most popular video game characters have lives off screen. We may not envision their lives as very glamorous but perhaps that just adds to the absolute realism of video games these days.

Feel free to add your own comments as to what you think video game characters do in their off time!


6 Cool Substitute Teachers Who Could Walk into Your Class.

Written by Jason Scott. Posted in Daily Daft, Funny But True

Sting

Photo Compliments of Wikipedia

"I just was in hell when I was teaching. I inspired the kids only by teaching them what I liked and what I was inspired by and enjoyed - that was basically soccer and poetry. "The rest of it I couldn't teach." - Sting (photo compliments of wikipedia)

We can’t help but think it would be really cool to have a rock star teacher for English class. Imagine the enthusiasm kids would have for poetry and song writing when engaged by a professional and famous musician like sting.

Yes, thats right, band camp would suddenly become the next cool thing to do.   Students would be rushing home to work all night on homework that just may become a hit song someday. Yep every kids dream: to get paid for going to school.

A rock star teacher would have most students thinking they’re in bizarro world.

STING has confessed he was an awful teacher before he became a rock star – because he only taught kids subjects he found interesting. We at Daft Gadgets think that this probably makes him one of the best teachers out there.
Sting was a certified primary school teacher in England and also taught English in a secondary school in Cramlington near Newcastle. So technically, it is possible that he could show up in your class as a substitute teacher.

“I just was in hell when I was teaching. I inspired the kids only by teaching them what I liked and what I was inspired by and enjoyed – that was basically soccer and poetry. “The rest of it I couldn’t teach.” – Sting

George “The Animal” Steel


Some of you may remember WWF (now WWE) wrestler George the Animal Steel.

George was known for antics like Eating the stuffing from turnbuckles and for his famous finishing move the flying hammerlock.

What type of wrestler eats foam from a turnbuckle? Well, Steel was a simpleton with low intelligence but cunning animal instincts, and believe it or not, before he was a wrestler, George the Animal Steel was a school teacher.

In fact, the simple minded animal taught school for 25 years, coaching football for 17 years and starting a wrestling program. One night he may be giving a “Beat Down” on Hulk Hogan at Madison Square Garden on a Saturday, only to be back there coaching Monday Night Football two days later.  As well, with the Animal teaching class, excuses like “The teacher ate my homework mom” might actually fly.

Now sure, MMA and martial arts are pretty badass, but you step outside with someone and tell them that you were trained by George the Animal Steel and you bet their face will turn a little scared.

Just that alone would make having George as one of our substitute teachers would be a dream come true.

Sheryl Crow


It may have been Van Halen who wrote “hot for teacher” but having this rock star in class would definitely have students paying attention.

Sherly Crow was a music teacher at Kellison Elementary teacher for two years before becoming a back up singer for Michael Jackson. So it is possible that she could return to the profession as a substitute in your class.

Here’s to hoping.

Gene Simmons

"I did it for six months, and I wanted to kill every single kid," - Gene Simmons

Although only teaching for 6 months, we think this long tongued, leather and chains, sex craved musician turned businessman turned reality tv star would make one hell of a substitute teacher.

Assuming he left us alive.

Stephen King


Working his way up, Stephen King began his career in a laundromat, to them become a janitor, and then finally an English teacher at Harned Publish School.

The way we see it, students would always be a little on edge if they had King as a teacher, and as such, paying better attention in class.

It could be argued that being a teacher launched his career since “Carrie” (based upon an ostracized girl in high school) was Kings first success, and as such he could be talked into making a cameo appearance as a substitute teacher, which would be a much better choice than the late “Running Man” author Richard Bachman, who was, as King said: “A Nasty Man… I’m glad he’s dead”

Richard Bachman

Richard Bachman

Other possible substitute teachers include:
Sir William Golding
JK Rowling
Barack Obama
Art Garfunkel
Billy Crystal
Greg Graffin (bad Religon)
Andy Griffith (Matlock)

Are you a Student or Teacher? Check out our Epic Fail and Epic Win Grading Stamps in our Daft Gadgets Shop!

The Biggest Hoaxes in Human History

Written by Jason Scott. Posted in Daily Daft, Funny But True

“There’s a sucker born every minute” David Hannum (in Reference to P.T Barnum’s Customers)

1. The Cardiff Giant

What was the Cardiff Giant?

The Cardiff Giant was one of the most famous hoaxes in the history of the United States. Essentially it was a 10 foot petrified man that was purported to have been unearthed from the soil of the town of Cardiff New York.

Who did it?

The giant was the creation of a New York tobacconist named George Hull.

Why did he create this hoax?

While visiting one of his rock quarries, hull noticed a piece of stone that looked like it had human veins running through it. At this point he thought to himself “I bet if I carved up that stone to look like a human giant I could get the last laugh on those Methodists” (Hull, an atheist, decided to create the giant after an argument at a Methodist revival meeting about the passage in Genesis 6:4 stating that there were giants who once lived on Earth)

Hull then instructed some workers to cut a giant slab from the veined stone, which he later shipped to Chicago where he had hired a stone cutter named Edward Burghardt to carve this biblical giant. (Burghardt was unaware that he was carving a statute for a hoax). Once finished, he had some trusted allies bury the giant underground where it would lay in wait for one year.

Around a year later, some fossils were found nearby, and Hull used this discovery to spring his hoax into action.

Ordering to workers to dig a well where the giant was buried, two laborers made what they thought would be the discovery of a lifetime! Rushing to tell the whole town, word spread fast and eventually had people showing up from all over the country to look at (and pay admission for) the stone giant from biblical times.

Scientists and experts came to the conclusion that it was either a true fossilized human giant or an authentic ancient statue. Nobody, said it was a hoax.

P.T. Barnum, noticed all the commotion and attempted to buy the statue to show in his museum. When the price came back as $50,000 (Hull had sold 2/3rds of the statue to a banker named David Hannum) Barnum decided it was easier to create his own fake statue.

He then declared that Hannum sold him the original and that the one in Cardiff was just a fake. After this news, thousands flocked to Barnum’s exhibit to which David Hannum was quoted as saying “There’s a sucker born every minute” …… (He still believed his statue to be real)

2. The Lying Stones

The Lying Stones

The Lying Stones

What were the lying stones?

The lying stones were limestone that had been carved into the shapes of lizards, frogs, spiders, and other animals. The stones also had in them the carved name of God in Latin, Arabic, and Hebrew characters.

Who Discovered them?

Professor Johann Bartholomeus Adam Beringer (ca 1667 – 1738) of the faculty of medicine at the university of Wurzburg.

Who Created this Hoax?

Hoaxers by the name of J. Ignatz Roderick (ex Jesuit) and professor of geography and mathematics, and Johann Georg von Eckhart.

Why did they do it?

They didn’t like him. They felt that Beringer was arrogant and needed a “comeuppance”

Essentially, they hid the stones on Mount Eibelstadt (a place where Beringer frequently went to search for fossils.)

The stones included “lizards in their skin, birds with beaks and eyes, spiders with their webs, and frogs copulating.” Other stones lain there bore the Hebrew letters YHVH, for Jehovah, or God.

When Beringer found them He believed them to be natural products of the “plastic power” of the inorganic world.

When critics pointed out that there was evidence of chisel marks, Beringer became convinced that they were the chisel marks of God. In fact nobody could convince him otherwise, not even the hoaxers.

The hoaxers had been putting more and more crazy rocks on the mountain for him to find, at first finding the whole thing amusing. However, the whole hoax started to get out of hand and they tried to convince him that maybe “someone else” was playing a hoax on him.

Beringer decided that they were just trying to discredit his great discovery, and brought them to court to “save his honor”

Unfortunately when he did this, they confessed the whole story. The careers of all three men were ruined.

When asked why they played such a hoax, they replied:

“he was so arrogant and despised us all.”


3. The Tasaday Tribe

Tasaday_working_hand_drill

What The Heck Was The Tasaday Tribe?

The Tasaday Tribe were a bunch of people forced to pretend that they were an ancient cave dwelling tribe.

Who Created this Hoax?

Manual Elizalde, head of PANAMIN (the Philippine government agency nonstock, nonprofit organization created to protect the interests of Philippine cultural minorities.)

Elizalde had all sorts of press and was able to get a picture of a Tasaday boy climbing vines to appear on the August 1972 edition of National Geographic He also got a National Geographic documentary named “The Last Tribes of Mindanao” created for the Tasaday.

Why Did he put on this Hoax?

Probably To steal money. He cleaned out millions from the Tasaday fund when he fled the country.

The Tasaday people were interviewed later on ABC’s show 20/20 and confessed that they were bribed with cigarettes, clothing, food and more to play along in Elizalde’s game.

4. The Great Moon Hoax

What was the Great Moon Hoax?

The Great Moon Hoax refers to a six article series put out by the New York Sun on August 25, 1835.

The articles went into great detail of crazy “non” mythical animals on the Moon, including bison, goats, unicorns, bipedal tail-less beavers and Batman.

No one will find my secret Bat-Cave on the moon!

"No one will find my secret Bat-Cave on the moon!"


(Okay they were actually bat-winged humanoids (“Vespertilio-homo”) who built temples on the moon, not bat caves, but close enough.

I was the first Batman!

"I was the first Batman!"

All These discoveries were supposedly made with “an immense telescope of an entirely new principle”.

Of course when someone came to see this telescope, the hoaxers said it was so powerful that the sun turned the telescope into a giant “Burning Glass” that burned down the observatory, all the evidence, and vaporized the telescope.

Who perpetrated this hoax?

Authorship of the article has been attributed to Richard A. Locke, a Cambridge-educated reporter who, in August 1835, was working for the New York Sun.

Why did he do it?

Assuming that Richard A. Locke was the author, his intentions were probably, first, to create a sensational story which would increase sales of the New York Sun, and, second, to ridicule some of the more extravagant astronomical theories that had recently been published.

Its also possible that he took a hallucinogenic drug in the observatory and imagined the whole thing before burning it down himself.

5. War of The Worlds

What was the War of the Worlds Hoax?

The War of the Worlds was an American radio drama directed by Orson Welles, who adapted the H.G. Wells story titled “The War of the Worlds”

Presented as an actual news story, many listeners began to believe that Martians were in fact invading the U.S.A. Some listeners were seen fleeing in panic, thinking they could smell poison gas or see flashes of lightning in the distance.

It was said at the time that 1.7 million people believed the broadcast to be genuine, and out of those 1.2 million were genuinely frightened.

However, these numbers were later said to be inflated by newspaper companies who felt that radio threatened their position as the number one “Press Medium”

5 Real Life Wizards You May Not Know

Written by Jason Scott. Posted in Daily Daft, Funny But True

Image thanks to Wikipedia

Image thanks to Wikipedia

Some of you may have heard of “The Legend of The Emerald Tablet” a.k.a. “The Secret of Hermes” and wondered, “Is there any reality to this wizardry?”

The answer is yes.

Now lets be clear.  At Daft Gadgets we would like nothing more than to prove that anyone of us can turn into a Jedi Knight or some cooler version of Harry Potter,  but that doesn’t mean we distort evidence to prove the existence of mythical beings.

According to “The Secret of Hermes” (based upon Hermes Trismegistus), the emerald tablet revealed the secret of the primordial substance and its transmutations. (Take That Darwin)

The Caduceus, symbol of Hermeticism.

The Caduceus, symbol of Hermeticism.

Hermes was said to have been clutching the emerald tablet in his arms in his death bed.

Although this legend is in fact “A legend,” there have been some true wizards through out the ages that you may not have heard of.

The frist being….

1. Roger Bacon aka Doctor Mirabilis

"What came first, the name Bacon, or the food?"

The name “Dr. Mirabilis” is a medieval praise meaning: “Wonderful Teacher.”

This Wonderful teacher was known as an English philosopher and Franciscan friar who studied nature through empirical methods. He is sometimes credited as one of the first European advocates of the modern scientific method that was inspired by early Greek philosophers.

As one of the first real wizards, Roger Bacon:

-invented eyeglasses,

-revealed the role of air in burning, and

-predicted inventions of the future including cars, ships and aircrafts.

His Opus Majus contains treatments of mathematics, optics, alchemy (and the manufacture of gunpowder), the positions and sizes of the celestial bodies and how they could possibly influence the fate of humans.

He was also sent to jail at one point for being a magician or “Wizard” possibly due to his arcane knowledge of alchemy.

2. John Dee 1527-1608

John Dee was a noted English mathematician, astronomer, astrologer, occultist, navigator, imperialist who devoted much of his life to the study of alchemy, divination and Hermetic philosophy.

Basically…he was a wizard.

To some of his contemporaries, Dee was an “Evil Wizard.”

This may have been due to the fact that he was always trying to speak with angles through their universal language of creation in order to bring the apocalypse.

To be fair, Dee was actually trying to bring the Pre-Apocalyptic unity of human kind with a one world religion. Unfortunately, some saw this as just another step closer to the apocalypse, which was a pretty scary thought for most people, and may have led to his charges of treason and “calculating” in the year 1555.

The Calculating charge was for casting a horoscopes of Queen Mary and Princess Elizabeth and was just the first of many slander cases against the wizard.

Dee was an intensely pious Christian wizard who believed that the nature of the universe was an act of numbering and that mankind had the potential for divine power, if they could unlock the secrets to this number through mathematics.

His goal was to recapture the knowledge of the universe through the pure theology of the ancients and bring forth a unified world.

3. Paracelsus 1493 1541

“Many have said of Alchemy, that it is for the making of gold and silver. For me such is not the aim, but to consider only what virtue and power may lie in medicines.”

Paracelsus means equal to or greater than Celsus (Celsus being the 1st century Roman medical encyclopedist.)

The real name of this wizard was Philippus Aureolus Theophrastus Bombastus von Hohenheim (yes its a mouthful).

Paracelsus pioneered the idea of small chemicals to treat illness which was the basis for our modern day pharmacology

He is also recognized as giving Zinc its name, which is really important if you can imagine a world without zinc! (see video below)

4. Trithemius – 1462 1516

Trithemius’ most famous work is the Book Steganographia.

The book appears to be about magic at first glance, however scientists now belive the book was actually about cryptography. Now, Trithemius was accused of dealing with the occult. It was probably the view of those who couldn’t read the secret messages, that if someone is hiding something, it must be evil magic (actually all magic was evil back then)

Steganographia was the first book on secret codes.

5. Nicolas Flamel 1330-1417

According to some, Flamel was the greatist european alchemist of his time.

This posthumous reputation is mostly due to his reputed work on “the philosopher’s stone.” (no he didn’t write the Harry Potter book) Yes, that’s right, Flamel is said to have created the “elixir of life” and developed the ability to turn lead into gold!

Although no formal proof of this wizard’s claims exist, Flamel and his wife were noted for their wealth and philanthropy as have provided many other interpretations on the subject of alchemy.

He has also been referenced by great names like Victor Hugo, and Issac Newton, as well as pop culture references like Indiana Jones and Harry Potter.

Test Your Own Wizardry With Our Magic Levitating Wand!

5 Crazy People Who Were Only Half Funny

Written by Jason Scott. Posted in Daily Daft, Funny But True

Nuts_logo

1. Vladimir Demikhov Vs Dr. White:

Ive heard of a dog chasing his tail, but never one chasing his head?

I've heard of a dog chasing his tail, but never one chasing his head?

When someone faces the horror of seeing their pet get hit by a car they usually only have 2 options:

  1. Bury the pet in the Pet Sematary where it will comeback to life possessed, or
  2. Convert the Pet with the latest craze known as RC Taxidermy.

However something most of you haven’t thought of is sewing your pet’s head onto another animals body while its still alive.

Who the hell would be crazy enough to do this you ask?

Vladimir Demikhov, that’s who.

Vladimir Demikhov was a Mad Soviet Scientist and organ transplant pioneer. Known for sewing on extra heads to dogs and monkeys, Demikhov may be the first real mad scientist to follow in the footsteps of Mary Shelly’s Dr. Frankenstein.

If you think my family doctor is bad, wait till you meet my psychiatrist

"If you think my family doctor is bad, wait till you meet my psychiatrist"

His masterpiece is probably a puppy’s head grafted onto the neck of a full grown German Shepherd. The puppy head would lap at milk and drool in down the side of its mouth. Unfortunately, both animals died shortly after the experiment.

Of course this was during the cold war, and the Americans refused to be behind the Soviets in any technology, even multiple headed dogs. This led the American scientist Dr Robert White to transplant the brain of one dog into the neck of another dog. The question then became, “is this dog brain conscious, and if so, what type of doggy hell is it in?”

Dr White couldn’t answer this and decided to move on to bigger and better experiments like decapitating two monkeys and switching their heads.

Kind of makes you want to skip your yearly check up doesn’t it?

2. Shiro Ishii:

(No, were not getting any funnier just yet)

I wasnt very funny

"I wasn't very funny"

Other than being known for the vivisection of living people (sometimes women he and the other doctors recently impregnated) amputating limbs and reattaching them to different parts of the body, freezing and unfreezing of a patients extremities, and purposely infecting patients with venereal diseases via rape, Shiro Ishii was known to be a selfish, pushy and disturbed individual who excelled at his studies.
His victims numbered around 10 000, receiving 600 per year from the kempeitai military police. He referred to his patients as “logs” and his research area as “The Saw Mill”

After Japan’s defeat in WWII, Ishii and his fellow mad scientists known as Unit 731 were granted immunity by the U.S. Government in exchange for the data he collected from torturing his victims.

3. Charles Bien Aime et Le Fol

(Charles the Loved and the Mad)

I forgot I was King sometimes

"I forgot I was King sometimes"

Charles was the King of France from 1380 – 1422 and is known as the once loved king of France who slipped into madness.

He first experienced psychosis in 1392 when his adviser, Olivier de Clisson, was almost murdered. Charles attempted to punish the would be assassin responsible by any means necessary. The person believed to be responsible was Pierre de Craon and was thought to be hiding in Brittany. Charles assembled a small army and set off to catch the assassin.

During the march, a barefoot leper sprung from the woods yelling at the King that he had been betrayed and continued behind the small army repeating his cries. Sometime later, a sun stroked page would drop his lance against the shield of another causing a very loud clanging sound. Charles then drew his sword yelling: “Forward against the Traitors!” and began fighting his own soldiers and killing a knight known as “The Bastard of Polignac.”

He was known to forget the names of his family members, as well as his own name. He also believed at one point his name was George who’s family crest was a stabbed lion. In another incident he forgot he was King entirely.

None of which was his craziest delusion…..

They Called Me Mr. Glass - Samuel L Jackson

"They Called Me Mr. Glass" - Samuel L Jackson

His craziest of all delusions was the condition we now know as “Glass Delusion.” Here Charles believed that his body was made of glass and very breakable. This caused him to fear movement and completely forgo any personal hygiene regiment like bathing. At one point he became so filthy that his body became completely infested with lice.

At one point to combat this he attempted various procedure to protect his fragile body including custom made clothes that included iron bars sewn into them.

Take that Tony Stark.

comic photo thanks to wikipedia

comic photo thanks to wikipedia

4. Saparmurat “Turkmenbashi” Niyazov ,

(The Megalomaniac)

My Name is Ozymandias, King of Kings, Look down on my works ye mighty, and Despair!

"My Name is Ozymandias, King of Kings, Look down on my works ye mighty, and Despair!"

After changing his name to “Turkmenbashi” meaning leader of all ethnic Turks, Niyazov then proceeded to declare himself “President for life”

He then went on a narcissistic reforming rampage renaming practically everything under his authority that didn’t already pay him homage.

His list of reforms include:

  • He ordered every bottle of vodka to have a picture of his face on it, as well as every clock and watch in the country
  • He ordered TV Stations to use his face as a logo
  • He changed the name of the capital city airport to Turkmenbashi
  • He replaced the port city Krasnovodsk with the name Turkmenbashi
  • After a 670 lbs Meteorite hit the country, he declared it named Turkmenbashi
  • He changed the names of street and schools to Turkmenbashi
  • He changed the national anthem to reference his name in the chorus.
  • He banned dogs from the capital because they smelled funny
  • He banned gold teeth and encouraged people to gnaw on bones like dogs because dogs teeth didn’t fall out as easy.
  • He banned smoking after he was forced to quit due to health problems
  • He banned reporters from using make up.
  • He renamed the month of January Turkmenbashi
  • He renamed the month of September “Ruhnama” in honor of the book wrote by Turkmenbashi
  • He banned Opera and Ballet
  • He decreed that men should refrain from growing beards
  • He declared that the average Turkmen doesn’t read books and as such ordered libraries to be closed.

And finally he banned Britney Spears

(okay he actually banned lip-syncing, but same idea)

Oh yeah, and he also commissioned the construction of an Ice palace with an arctic type zoo complete with penguins and other animals………in the middle of the hottest dessert in Asia.

Source: BBC Ice Zoo

5. Howard Hughes (The Aviator)

The Aviator

The Aviator

This Aviator tycoon who had a paranoid obsession with germs and cleanliness may have had a little more crazy to him than your average ocd.

His quirkyness has been referenced in comedy for years including a famous episode of the Simpsons where Mr Burns plays a parody of the eccentric tycoon and orders his assistant at gun point to get into a miniature wooden plane nicknamed “The Spruce Moose.”  (The Spruce Goose was a derisory nickname of Hughes plane the H4 Hercules) See the video link below.

Hughes’ antics included:

  • An obsession with the size of peas (he used a special fork to separate them)
  • He wrote an extremely detailed memorandum about how to prevent actresses Jane Russell’s blouse from “Bunching Up” on the set.
  • He locked himself in his screen room where he sat naked on a chair watching movies for 4 months, eating only chocolate bars and milk and relieving himself in the empty milk bottles. During this time he also surrounded himself with Kleenex boxes and rearranged them continuously.
  • He later moved into a bungalow at the Beverly Hills Hotel where he would sit naked watching movies with a pink napkin over his genitals. Somehow he spent 11 million dollars in that hotel that year.
  • He became obsessed with his home state of Texas and began purchasing all the restaurant chains and 4 star hotels that had been founded their (some which were long out of business)
  • He became obsessed with the film “Ice Station Zebra” and had it running on a continuous loop and was said to have watched it 150 times.
  • Near the end of his life he surrounded himself with Mormons, not believing anyone else to be trustworthy

Here, is one of the more satirical take offs on the billionaire:

"I said, GET IN"

"I said, GET IN"

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