Have you ever felt like you were doing all the work, while some over paid zombie got all the credit? If so, you are not alone.
Not long ago, things like money, respect, and recognition of artistic achievement, were held back from artists until they found the rite of passage of converting to Zombieism. Once a full convert, they would be accepted by society and rewarded quite handsomely.
However, Zombieism is no longer just for starving painters. Zombieism now recruits financially successful people as well and is well on its way to becoming the most profitable religion on the planet. Boasting more members than all the worlds other major religions combined, Zombieism also gets major celebrity endorsements that make Tom Cruise’s support of Scientology look insignificant in comparison.
Here at Daft Gadgets, we have compiled a list of some of the richest zombie moneymakers out there.
The First being…….
With all the Elvis sightings out there we know he must be alive. We know that rumors spread by word of mouth or via the internet are almost always 100% accurate, but we also know that the government says Elvis is dead, and we know the Government never lies. How can this be?
Simple. Elvis is zombie. We don’t know who the first zombie to come out of the closet will be, but we suspect at this point that the return of Elvis would spark much more fuss than that of Hoffa’s or Deacon Brodie’s.
How much does Zombie Elvis make?
Elvis reported earnings of $60 Million dollars last year, which is $9.5 million over his 9 year average of $50.5 Million (USD). Growing steady each year, from $35 Million in 2000 to an estimated 62 million in 2011, Elvis has proven to be one of the highest earning zombies today.
Whats his claim to fame?
He’s known as the “King” of Rock and Roll.
What has he done lately?
Well his Graceland Mansion can bring in over $15 Million just in admission fees, let alone all the trademark Elvis gear you can buy in grace land while your visiting.
Zombie Elvis also rakes in money from the his famous “Heartbreak” Hotel, and Memphis restaurant (we assume they sell the fried peanut butter and banana sandwich)
Zombie Elvis also retains a strong acting career, appearing in commercials for Lipton Brisk Iced Tea, Energizer Batteries, AIG, Nike, Toyota and Apple Computer.
His singing career has enjoyed comeback hits like; “A Little Less Conversation” which held the No. 1 spot in the UK for 4 weeks after its introduction at the World Cup. It pulled in about $4 Million in 2001. In 2002 zombie Elvis released a techno adaptation of his long forgotten song “Rubberneckin”. On top of that he released another new song “I’m a Roustabout”. In 2004 he appeared in the Broadway musical “All shook up” and later added his name and theme to the ever popular Cirque du Soleil. In more recent years he has launched his own Sirius Satellite Radio show, blasting his voice as far as the radio waves can reach.
“Badboy” Zombie Elvis booted “nice guy” Ken from Barbie’s Playhouse when he made a return to the Mattel toys lineup as a limited collectors edition doll titled “Jail House Rock” in 2005. With new licensing ventures all the time from the prestigious “Martin” Guitars, to the ever evolving list of Las Vegas slot machines, Elvis Presley’s income will probably continue its climb for as long as he remains a Zombie. If you think you might want a piece of this zombie’s income stream you can look into buying shares in the company CKX Entertainment, which owns 85% of Zombie Elvis’s income stream.
#2 Charles Schulz
How Much Does He Make?
On the 12th day of the first February of the new millennium, Charles Schulz decided to stop working for peanuts and instead chose to successfully convert to zombieism. Since his conversion he has been raking in an average of $35 million per year
What’s his Claim to Fame?
Probably Snoopy, but most people would say Charlie Brown. (Schulz also coined the term “security blanket” for met life)
What has he done lately?
Around 2,500 newspapers all over the world still carry the story of Charlie Brown and the “Peanuts” gang even though there hasn’t been a fresh comic since the January of 2000. However, 95% of Zombie Schulz’s income spawns from licensing agreements for pretty much anything you can buy in China
The partnership between the Peanuts comic strip and Warner Bros studios sparked a spate of new DVD releases with fresh Peanuts content. The release sent the cult cartoons into the home of millions of children who will presumably watch them in Barney and Disney fashion until their parents go insane.
ABC has rolled out a new Peanuts Valentine’s Day special and Peanuts-themed retail stores are opening around the world. Retro fashions like Peanuts-emblazoned clothing can be everywhere from Wal-Mart Stores to H&M. Urban Outfitters is even pushing their own line of T-shirts, and even replicas of Linus’s famous “security blanket”. According to Hallmark, Snoopy and the gang appear on one in five greeting cards. Snoopy has found work as a mascot for both Met life and Pepsi Cola, and China has even introduced a set of stamps featuring Snoopy in different locations throughout the country.
Zombie Schulz has earns the #2 spot here for consistency. Earning a steady 35 million per year, without over saturating the market, Schulz is proving he can still bring in the bucks.
#3 John Lennon
John Lennon was forcefully converted to Zombieanism by Mark David Chapman at 10:50 pm December 8th 1980. Since his conversion he has made millions of dollars and helped numerous charitable organizations. Lennon has averaged over $23 million a year since the year 2000, with his peak earnings coming in at $44 Million in 2006
What’s his claim to fame?
His fame came from his music with the epic band The Beatles and he currently holds the #1 or #2 spot for the most number one hits of all time, depending how you credit his compilation work with Paul McCartney. Like all the other Zombies on the list, there is much more to the man behind the fame, and like most creators, his work was only just a reflection of his true self.
What has he done lately?
Music publishing royalties, merchandising and licensing agreements create the main income stream of this over achieving zombie. Lennon’s estate has licensing agreements for things like signed prints of his work, a line of sterling silver jewelry and even a line of kids’ toys and clothes called “Real Love”. The “Real Love” line of goods are based on drawings that John did to help his son Sean learn to read.
As for his stage career, a John Lennon documentary was released in September 2002, called John Lennon: The Messenger. In 2005 there was a broadway musical called “lennon” and following that a new documentary in 2006 titled “The U.S. Vs. John Lennon” which recounted stories of his peace activism and battles with the U.S. Government. More recently zombie Lennon has received profits from a successful Beatles themed show in the Las Vegas Mirage called Cirque du Soleil “Love”
His Music career is still growing as the “Gimme Some Truth” campaign re-released much of Lennon’s catalog, resulting in several Top 10 chart appearances, and he’s still earning big buck from his hit video game “Beatles Rock Band” proving that as technology grows, so does Mr Lennon’s estate.
#4 Dr. Seuss (Theodor Geisel)
How much does he make?
Dr Seuss converted to zombieanism on September 24th 1991. For the past decade Dr. Seuss has been making around $16 million per year.
What’s his Claim to Fame?
The best selling childrens author in history is known for creating beloved characters like Horton, The Grinch, The Cat in the Hat and many more.
What has he done since converting to zombieanism?
Horton, the Grinch and his other iconic characters are now reaching audiences through multimedia devices like iPhone apps and tablets, as well as recently launching a Seuss Themed Promotional Game on Facebook. Zombie Suess’ earns income from a variety of sources like publishing, merchandising, TV rights, art sales, and even the Seuss Landing theme park at General Electric’s Universal’s Islands of Adventure in Orlando, Fla.
As for his film and stage career, there may be a movie in every book. This means there are a possible 44 Dr Suess movies out there, which is more than enough to get an innovated technologically recycled version for every new generation to come. Zombie Suess has also made a stage adaptation of How The Grinch Stole Christmas and a musical titled “Seussical”
All in all, with the majority of the zombie Suess’s money going to charity, it looks like the Grinch will be paying Christmas forward for a very long time.
#5 Albert Einstein
How Much Does he Make?
We’re not sure how much money Einstein has made since he converted to zombieism on April 18th of 1955, but we do know that Zombie Einstein has averaged over $15.2 million over the last 5 years.
What’s his claim to fame?
E=mc2 and the nuclear bomb seem to be his claim to fame, which is unfortunate because he really didn’t have anything to do with the conception of the Fatman or the little boy and E=MC2 was actually an after thought of his theory of special relativity. Anyway, just like everyone else on his list, there was more to the man than the fame. Einstein also achieved fame among his peers for the discovery of the Photo Electric Effect, which deserves mention.
How does Zombie Einstein make his cash?
Zombie Einstein is now empowering babys to be more intelligent with his “Baby Einstein” Brand. The scientist’s estate has also expanded into the video game universe
International licensing deals with both Nestlé and the Toyota Prius in Japan, a mall in Germany named Das Einstein, a sneaker campaign with basketball player Kobe Bryant, and more. His name has appeared in everything from the hit animated series “Little Einsteins” to a McDonald’s happy meal.
Other lucrative tie-ins include Italy’s Banca Profilo’s “Face Value” campaign, Chrysler’s Ram brand truck ads and a collection of A.J. Morgan “geek chic” glasses. All royalties from Einstein’s name and image go to Jerusalem’s Hebrew University
It appears that if a fool and his money are soon parted, Einstein has definitely proven that even in death he’s no fool.
In the end the popularity feeds the licensing revenue and the licensing revenue feeds the popularity. This is the Zombie theory of relativity.
#6 Micheal Jackson
Although The King of Pop made a brief appearance in the world of zombieism when he made the video “Thirller” he didn’t officially convert to the religon until the 25th of June 2009. Because of this, the consistency of his income has yet to be established. However we feel that Jackson may have the potential to be one of the most successful Zombies of all time. Here’s why:
What’s he known for?
His music and performances. He’s known as the King of Pop Music and recognized by Guiness World Records as the most successful entertainer of all time.
What’s he Done Lately?
Jackson has showed himself to be a shrewd negotiator since converting to zombieism. Since his conversion he has landed a merchandising deal and the rights to his name and likeness for the Sony film “This Is It.” A Film that happened to bring in over a quarter of a billion dollars in Renvenue.
However, in 1985, just 3 years after Jackson was exploring the life of a zombie through his “method acting” performance in the Hit video thriller, he set up a brilliant financial move that would secure an income string for many years after his full conversion. Dishing out $47.5 million, Jacskon secured a catalog that had the rights to 250 Beatles songs. He sold 50% to Sony for 90 Million in 1995 at a 400% profit and formed a new joint venture called Sony/ATV
Zombie Michael still owns half the catalog, which now contains half a million songs, including titles by Elvis Presley, Bob Dylan, Lady Gaga, Eminem and Beyoncé. This is said to bring in about $50 Million per year for the newly recruited zombie.
If Zombie Jackson was ever to follow in the foot steps of zombie Elvis, he could become the most powerful zombie of all time. Imagine if you will a Neverland style Graceland connected to a “Thriller” Them park. What sells in Theme parks? Fear and scary rides. A thriller theme park could have everything from crazy wax museums, to technologically advanced haunted houses, and of course all the greatest roller coaster rides in the world.
The possibilities (and profits) would be endless.
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