The Truth Behind The 3 Real Halloween Monsters

Written by Jason Scott. Posted in Daily Daft, Funny But True

1. Zombies

We know what you’re thinking….

Zombies don’t exist in real life. If you are what you eat, and Zombies eat brains, then zombies would be represented by the intellectuals of the world and not the simple minded sardonic cadence of an unrehearsed flash mob.

Einstein was most likely a Zombie

Einstein was most likely a Zombie

However, there has been real evidence to support the existence of Zombies. In fact, Zombies are even mentioned in the old testament as a creation of god (or recreation), so they actually predate the Hatian culture that many believe to be their origin.

Physical evidence of Zombies has been found recently by archaeologists during a survey of medieval churches in County Roscommon, Ireland. There, they discovered a number of 8 century skeletons that had large stones placed in their mouths during burial as a way to prevent the bodies from rising from the dead.

Unlike modern day Zombies who are brought to life by strange viruses created by corporations, Zombies from the 8th century were created by evil spirits entering into the mouth of the body after death. (although sometimes the spirit would reanimate the its own body after death as well). However, it was believed that a well placed rock would prevent such an occurrence.

Zombies in nature

Nature has been playing around with zombies for quite some time now. Once example is the zombie-ant fungus known as Ophiocordyceps unilateralis.

This malevolent fungus infects the brain of an unsuspecting ant, luring it away from its colony and family, only to have it bite down on the underside of a leaf where a long stalk spikes though its head shooting spores into the air in the hopes of infecting other ants with its zombie virus.

So as you can see, zombies are quite “real,” in fact, “Zombiesm” is quickly becoming the number one religion on the planet. (see daft gadgets article “The 6 Most Ridiculously Rich Zombies in The World“)

Moving on we have…..

2.Vampires

Like Zombies, Vampires continue to live past their death by eating humans who have not converted to either Vampirism or Zombism. We’re pretty sure vampires don’t eat zombies, but we can’t say for sure if zombies eat vampires since our only reference of the two being together is the original fright night movie.

Why Remove the Zombie in the Remake?

Why Remove the Zombie in the Remake?

Over the centuries, Vampires have gone from being depicted as evil fanged monsters to post 1970 sexy mysterious seducers.

However, the idea of a species that lives off human blood-sucking pre-dates all written records and has been found on shards of ancient Persian pottery (although back then, blood drinking was attributed to demons and spirits.)

Evidence of Vampires

One of the first vampire reports came from a place called “Istria” which is modern day Croatia. There, according to local reports, a vampire named Giure Grando died and returned from the dead to drink peoples blood and sexual harass his widow. This was considered unacceptable behavior and the village leader ordered a stake driven through Giure’s heart. When this didn’t work, they cut off his head.

Vampires in Nature.

There is no shortage of parasites in nature, however vampires tend to exist more readily in tiny insects like mosquitoes, and ticks, rather than mammals.

However Latin America is the home of 3 species of Vampire Bats which have been known to swoop down and feast on humans from time to time.

photos compliments of wikipedia

"photos compliments of wikipedia"

Scientists call the act of sucking blood Hematophagy.

Now, we may all think of parasites and vampires as selfish creatures, but like Edwards family in twilight, vampire bats can be considered a thoughtful and caring bunch and have been known to puke up blood to feed those in their group who have gone hungry.

Ahh….Isn’t that sweet…

vampire bat video

3. Werewolves.

An 18th century engraving of a werewolf

An 18th century engraving of a werewolf

A few references to men changing into wolves can be found as far back as Ancient Greek literature and mythology. The ancient Greek historian Herodotus described places were an entire tribe of people were all transformed into wolves once every year for several days.

Since then, they have become very popular in both European and Western culture.

The scientific term for someone who turns into a wolf is a Lycanthrope or “werewolf” and is generally thought to occur through various methods.

Including:

  • Removing the skin of a wolf and wearing it (yes, this one is very original)
  • Rubbing your body with magic salve
  • Drinking rainwater out of the footprint of a wolf or werewolf
  • Sleeping outside on a summer night with a full moon on your face
  • Being bitten by a werewolf
  • Swearing allegiance to Satan. (although some viewed the curse of lycanthropy to be a divine punishment)

Evidence of Werewolves.

At Daft Gadgets we feel that a true werewolf is a combination of two separate diseases.

The first known formally as “Clinical Lycanthropy” it is a rare psychiatric syndrome/mental illness that causes the a patient to believe they are a werewolf and act like one accordingly. When this illness is mixed with Hypertrichosis (also called Ambras Syndrome), you have yourself a real werewolf.

Hypertrichosis

Hypertrichosis is informally known as “werewolf” syndrome due to the irregular hair growth it causes over a person’s entire body.

Now both Hypertrichosis and Clinical Lycanthropy are very rare, so there has not been an “official” case of someone with Hypertrichosis running through the woods to hunt vampires or doing any other werewolf type activities. All were saying is, that its possible it might happen.

And that’s as real as we want it to get.

If you want to turn into a werewolf check out our Flippin’ Frightening Werewolf Tee Shirt


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Jason Scott

"They will Rue the Day They Gave Me Free Reign Over this Blog" Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! (insert evil into laughter)

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