5 Whacked Out Beauty Tips

Written by Jason Scott. Posted in Daily Daft, Funny But True

#1. Tightlacing

Tired of Diets that don’t work? Now you can get real thin real fast by moving around your organs!

What is Tightlacing?

Tightlacing is the practice of wearing tightly laced garments to make your body appear more curvy.

Is it dangerous?

No this isn’t anything dangerous like some sort of plastic surgery, tightlacing or “corsetry is the act of squeezing your waist together over long periods of time so that your body will readjust your spleen in way that takes up much less space in your abdomen.

Now there are some side effects. For example, your lung capacity will diminish and cause you to breath intercostally (from the upper part of the lung), but this also makes for bigger boobs, so again, its a trade off.

As an added bonus, the tight compression on your stomach prevents you from over eating, so you’ll lose weight too!

Does it Hurt?

Well, they say beauty is painful, but we like to think of a corset as being a nice big hug for your body. And who doesn’t like to get hugged?

#2. Cranial Binding

Ever wonder if you were actually spawned by aliens?

At Daft Gadgets we’re pretty sure that in some galaxies a big pointy coned head must be attractive. At least this is the only reason we can come up with to describe the insane head flattening practices of the Ancient Myans.

What is Cranial Binding?

Its the method of apply long term force and pressure on someone’s skull in order to change its shape without breaking it. It was believed that someone with an “egg head” was somehow smarter or more spiritually enlightened than your every day common round head.

Are these techniques dangerous?

Possibly to an Adult because an adult’s skull is a fusion of 22 different bones into a single skull. Luckily, this procedure was performed on babies whose skulls were comprised of 44 unfused and mmalleable boney elements.

Did these Head Flattening techniques Hurt?

Uh….well you would have to ask the babies who had their heads put in vices to find out, and as we know very well, babies can’t talk. This thereby proves that there is no proof that flattening heads causes pain when using the advanced alien ancient Mayan technology seen below.

#3. Tooth Sharpening

 Photo compliments of star trek memory alpha .org

Photo compliments of star trek memory alpha .org

More than just for Klingons and Ferrengi, tooth sharpening can be a great way to pick up ladies if you’re a guy, however females with sharpen teeth have been known to scare males away in some species.

What is Tooth Sharpening?

Tooth sharpening is the process of filing down teeth until they are nice and pointy.  Kind of like a shark or dinosaur would have.

In the Bali culture, straight teeth were thought to represent anger and jealousy.

As you can tell this guy below doesn’t look angry at all!

Does it hurt.

We’re not sure, but there is something about the thought of grinding teeth that gives us that “nails on a chalkboard” feeling.

Are these techniques dangerous?

Well maybe, but they are probably still less dangerous than the ancient Chinese Ta Ya Kih Lau tradition of knocking out a brides teeth on their wedding day (it was thought that this would prevent damage to the husbands family)

#4. Neck Rings

First there was the Mamenchisaurus then there was the Giraffe, and then the uhhh Padaung?

What the hell are these Neck Ringed Padauangs ?

Padaungs (not to be confused with the Jedi Students named “Padawans”) are also known as Kayan Lahwi.  Ironically the Borneo Kayan were once fierce warriors and “Head Hunters,” so were not really sure why the Burma Kayan would make their heads easier to cut off?

Does it hurt?

Probably. Nick rings are essentially an ever growing coil that wraps around your neck more and more as you grow and become deformed.  Kind of like a boa constrictor that never loosens its grip on your neck, but never squeezes tight enough to kill you.

Are they dangerous.

There is no proven medical concern at this time, but do we really need some scientist to tell us that elongating the appearance of our necks is unsafe?

#5. Sclera Tattooing

Compliments of Random Places Photostream on flickr

Compliments of Random Places Photostream on flickr

Hey, you know how to make yourself look really cool? Stick an ink filled needle in your eye.

What is it?

Unlike Corneal Tattooing that may be used for medical reconstruction of your eyes, scelra tattooing is a newer more extreme process of body modification. Its basically tattooing the whites of your eyes.

Does it hurt?

If you believe the experts, no, it doesn’t hurt. Apparently there are no nerve endings on the surface of your eyes.

Is it Dangerous?

The after effects include minor pain, bruising, and discomfort as well as some blistering, but if done incorrectly sclera tattooing could lead to blindness.

If you are looking for less whacked out beauty tips you can check out our Gadgets for Him and Gadgets for Her section at DaftGadgets.com


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Jason Scott

"They will Rue the Day They Gave Me Free Reign Over this Blog" Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! (insert evil into laughter)

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