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Posts Tagged ‘Humor’
By now everyone knows about the honey badger, one of the most fearless, aggressive animals in the world. And of course there’s the wolverine who, aside from being one of Marvel Comics biggest cash cows, is also a crazy weasel like creature that will attack bears and wolves just for laughs. These are fearless little animals that routinely go up against overwhelming odds. But those are the exceptions, right? Rarely in nature do you see the whole David and Goliath setup working out in favor of the underdog. Normally the big animals eat or at least squash the smaller ones. Usually. But sometimes Mother Nature pulls for the little guy. There are teeny animals out there that simply do not know the meaning of fear or common sense. A few of these munchkins will stand up and throw themselves headlong against behemoths…and win.
1. Epomis Beetle
“The bug in the frogs mouth there is winning.”
Frogs are vicious eating machines. Yes…frogs. They regularly consume scorpions, tarantulas, snakes, birds, you name it. They’re deadly, agile and hungry as a hippo…only shorter. If it fits in their mouth they’ll attack and eat it. But if there is one area where frogs really excel at it’s eating bugs. What with the long tongue, the pouncing and the huge mouths, frogs were tailor made to destroy insects. But apparently no body told that to the Epomis Beetle. This small ground beetle will attack and devour frogs, lizards and salamanders at will. How do we know this? Because scientist set up Thunder Dome like encounters where the beetle won 100% of the time. That’s right, 100%! This isn’t a bug that ‘sometimes’ pulls out an upset. It’s a super beetle that apparently cannot lose. Here’s a horrifying video of a little beetle brutalizing an amphibian several times it’s size:
Their strategy is to jump on the amphibian, which outweighs it by a factor of at least 10 and then they start biting it. Do they have some kind of poison? A paralyzing venom to subdue their hippity hoppity foes? No. They just bite him till he dies. That’s like leaping onto a bull and chewing on it till it stops kicking. And not only do the adult beetles eat frogs, but the larva do too. In fact the baby beetles dine almost exclusively on amphibians. And once again, they never lose. Scientists recorded one instance where a frog actually managed to swallow a larva for two hours…he still lost the fight and was consumed by the bug. How do you eat your opponent and still lose?!?
“How many lions has your newborn consumed?”
Groups of small birds have been known to mob larger predators. They’ll do this to chase them away from their nests. Seals do the same things to great white sharks. It’s a common practice in nature for a group of smaller animals to band together to harass a larger predator. Kingbirds do something like that too, but with just a tad more “Hell Yeah!” mixed in. A lone Kingbird will jump on the back of a hawk and peck the bird in the head mercilessly! This little 2 oz menace will ride on the back of a friggin hawk! That’s like a human leaping onto a great shark and continuously bashing it in the skull with a pipe.
He’s not flitting around harassing it. He’s not posturing or making threats. The Kingbird is riding it bareback and stabbing it in the head. How aggressive and/or mentally unbalanced do you have be to pull this off? The Kingbird will peck the poor hawk relentlessly until it leaves the area. And there’s nothing the alpha predator can do but scream and run. They don’t try to fight back. They don’t hang around plotting their revenge. They get the hell out of Dodge. But the real kicker is that hawks don’t even prey on Kingbirds! They’re way too small. That’s right, the Kingbird is the bully here. He’s beating up the hawk for no reason other than he can.
3. Cookiecutter Shark
Sharks are scary it’s true, but they don’t indiscriminately attack people. Typically shark attacks happen because they mistake humans for seals or all that flailing around in the water makes them think you’re wounded. It really doesn’t want to eat you. It’s not hunting you. Honestly you probably don’t even taste good. In fact, Great Whites have been known to spit people out. Sure, the odds are you’ll still die from the wounds, but that’s not the point. Sharks do not see us as food. They aren’t just mindless eating machines that the movies portray. They won’t just attack you for no good reason…except the cookie cutter shark. It will straight up eat you.
“Awww…look how cute!”
This two-foot monster will attack anything, people, dolphins, whales, submarines. It literally does not care who or what you are. If you move you’re food. And yes, it has actually been known to attack submarines. The navy has had to replace rubber seals and coatings after these vicious little monsters grubbed on them. It’s called a cookie cutter shark because it swims past at high speed ripping a chunk of flesh out with its melon baller like teeth. The only reason you don’t hear about more attacks on people is because they’re nocturnal hunters. So be careful if you go swimming in shark infested waters at night…although lets be honest, you probably deserve to be eaten anyway.
“Awww…look how cute!”
4-Jack Jumper Ants
No one is surprised that ants will attack creatures several times their own size if their hive is threatened or if they have a team to back them up. They routinely throw away their lives just because. But then some ants take it to the next level, like the Jack Jumper Ant of Australia and Tasmania.
This is the Jack Jumper of Australia and Tasmania. He’s throwing himself at a huntsman spider who incidentally eats ants for breakfast. The ant didn’t stumble upon the spider by accident. The spider didn’t come too close to the nest. This lone ant saw a spider and launched itself over a cliff to attack it. Why? Because Jack Jumper Ants will attack anything on sight. And unlike most ants they can see quite well and they can leap 20 cm into the air. If you get within the range you’re food. Period. They are extremely aggressive and they will attack anything. Also unlike most ants the Jack Jumper is very independent minded so they’re solo hunters. This little insect can single handedly take down a bee or a wasp. It’s only one ant, but it’s wicked enough to capture and kill a friggin wasp on it’s own.
They’re also amongst the most poisonous creatures on earth. They kill more humans in their native Tasmania annually than spiders, snakes, wasps, and sharks COMBINED. Yes, this ant is the most deadly killer in an area renowned for its deadly killers. They sting their prey (or anything that’s pissing them off) repeatedly, releasing a venom that ignites the allergic reaction in most humans, leading to death if medical attention is not sought right away. And don’t think thick clothing will protect you, they can sting right through it.
5 – Common Krait
“He always hogs the covers.”
Most snakes are kind of skittish. They don’t have legs. They aren’t very tall. They know better than to hang out around larger creatures that can crush them. The math is pretty easy on this one. If you’re a small animal that crawls around on your belly then stay away from things that can smash you. Even very poisonous snakes are reluctant to bite people because they themselves might be hurt in the process. That’s why rattlesnakes make all that racket. They’re saying ‘hey, I’m over here don’t stomp on me because I will totally kill you, ok.’ But the common Krait of India is either the bravest or stupidest snake in the world. It will actually climb in bed with people.
And this isn’t a case where the snake accidentally blunders into an empty bed because he thinks it’s a good place to hide. They will slither beneath the sheets while people are there. No one is exactly sure why they do this. Maybe they’re cold. Maybe they just like to snuggle. Maybe it’s the fabric softener you use. Whatever the reason it’s a recipe for disaster when you consider that it’s more poisonous than a cobra and it’s bite is almost painless. It’s not uncommon for people to die in their sleep. Sleep tight!
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WTF Toy #1. You Can Shave The Baby.
Yes, now you can shave the baby! The Baby’s pubic hair that is…
The Red Headed baby with armpit and genital hair can only be found in Japan (we wonder why?) We’ve heard of toy babies that fill up diapers, burp, and even breast feed, but even we are scratching our heads at this one. There is also some added hair at the sock line for some reason which only leads us to do one thing. Find the Japanese Bable bot translation for “What the hell were you guys thinking?”
WTF Toy #2. The Placenta Teddy Bear
If you think Placentas are gross, you would probably be shock to know that some people (mostly women we think?) eat their placenta after birth. Possibly to be more like the animals in nature or possibly because of the tangy taste is has, were not sure. Either way, you don’t have to worry if cannibalism is not your thing, now there is a way you and your baby can cherish it for a life time.
The Placenta Teddy Bear by Alex Green.
To make one of these cuddly contraptions, you need to dry out the placenta and cure it with sea salt. Then, after it is dried out, you must add an emulsifying mixture of tannin and egg yolk to make is soft and pliable. Then, its just a matter of imagination and a sewing kit!
WTF Toy #3 Grade up to Elite Cow
This game was put out by the British Beef Association as a way to desensitize kids to the screaming moos cows make in the slaughter house. A wonderful game to play while waiting for dinner, Grade up to Elite Cow will make everyone a little less hungry.
The board game teaches children how beef is processed and graded. Oh, and did we mention? The game starts out at a bull semen auction. Enjoy!
WTF Toy #4. The Nimbus 2000
Yes, Harry Potter was all the rage back in the day. However, “Rage” was the feeling some parents had when they realized their kids were playing with a lookalike broomstick from the Harry Potter movies.
Why you ask?
Because the broomstick came with a wonderful feature that allowed it to vibrate.
Yes, the Nimbus 2000 was a children’s toy that began to vibrate when it was wedged into the child’s crotch area. It was pulled from the shelves pretty fast. We’re not sure who at Mattel was responsible for letting this one out in the first place.
WTF Toy #5. The Peekaboo Stripper Pole…….for Kids!
Yes, it arrived in the U.K. Back in 2006. The peekaboo stripper pole was banned almost immediately. It came complete with a cd of music to strip to, a lacy garter, and a wad of play money, all to be used in conjunction with a collapsible stripper pole.
This one just speaks evil.
For Toys of a Less Evil Nature, See the Geek Toys and Gadgets Section of our Gadget Shop.
Anyone who knows the story of the count of Monte Cristo, Papillon, or the Shawshank Redemption, knows that the story of someone escaping to freedom can help lift us out of depression and provide us the strength to face another 5 days of imprisonment in an office cubical. There are many thrilling stories of escape that range from royalty dressing up as the opposite sex (Like with Mary Queen of Scots and King Charles II), to war stories escapes like the Allied Prisoners of War at Stalag Luft III and Colditz or the East Berliners from 1961-1989 (which included a getaway in a hot air balloon) to of course “Prison Breaks”
Below are our 3 of our favorite well known stories of Prison Break Escapes that we feel qualify the “escapees” as “Artists”
The First Being……
1. Kalashnikov Pat – Pascal Payet
Pat is one of the most notorious criminals in France
After being convicted of robing an armored truck and shooting a guard 14 times, Pascal Payet was sentenced to a lengthy prison term. At least, so the authorities thought.
On October 12 2001 a buddy flew into the compound with a rope ladder and pat escaped with a friend. (why didn’t I think of that?)
The guards got smart and put a net over top of the compound. But in may 2003 he decided to come back with another helicopter and cut a hole in the steel net to bust some friends out (3) He flew the helicopter to a nearby sports stadium and escaped in a car
He was recaptured in 2005.
He then again in June 2007. This time armed men hijack a helicopter, overpowered guards and went straight to his cell to
The chopper landed at a nearby helicopter and everyone escaped. Pat was found 2 months later and thrown back in prison. Of course the authorities aren’t saying which one.
Famous for his philandering, Giacomo Casanova pissed off one too many husbands. In fact his powers of seduction were so impressive he was imprisoned for allegedly practicing witchcraft in 1755 when he was sent to Leads prison in Venice, notorious for its inescapability.
However Casanova found a piece of iron in the prison yard and kept it for tunnel digging purposes. He dug a tunnel in the floor beneath his cell, but got moved before its completion. Thats when he convinced “Balbi” (the prisoner in the end cell next to his) to dig two tunnels. One connecting the two cells, and the other leading to the outside the prison.
Both Prisoners escaped with the iron bar, which they used one last time to break through a set of gates on their way to freedom.
3. Frank Morris and the Anglin Brothers
For those who saw the movie “The Rock” (which had nothing to do with the wrestler and everything to do with Sean Connery being a super cool ex MI6 agent) you may remember how hard it was to break in to the Prison Island of Alcatraz. Apparently, Alcatraz was even harder to break out of….unless you are a diabolical genius like Frank Morris.
In its time, Alcatraz was the most secure prison in the United States. It was fully equipped with hidden microphones, gun towers, and trigger happy guards who would like nothing better to do than to snipe some poor bastard who got too close to the electric fence. On top of that, even if a prisoner did manage to escape, they would have to find a way to cross the dangerous waters that completely surrounded the island.
In 1962, Frank Morris and the Anglin brothers, Clarence and John, decided that Alcatraz was a boring un-fun place to be and began planning their escape. Little by little with a set of nail clippers, some spoons and a drill made from a fan, they began to chip away at the concrete around a ventilation shaft. Each night, as the hole got bigger, they would fill it in with a jail made paper mache of newspapers and paste. Once the hole was big enough, they used their paper mache skills to create fake heads with barbershop hair to act as decoys for their escape.
With the help of 50 prison raincoats, they constructed an inflatable raft (that they blew up with an accordion) and took to the water.
They were never heard from again.
If you would like to conduct your own prison or wartime escape from home, all you need is an imagination, some army men, and one of the cool RC helicopters from DaftGadgets.com
We all want to smell like something other than armpits, sweat, and food remnants that get released through our pores. More importantly however, we want to smell like something the opposite sex is likely to want (which unlike us, is desirable).
Knowing this, fragrance designers around the world have spent millions of dollars they didn’t have through questionable research applications trying to find the perfect scent. Why? So that they may put it in a bottle and use it to disinfect humanity from its own stench.
From Political fragrances that smell like democrats, republicans, or independent voters, to colognes that make the wearer feel like a soon to be dead red shirt wearing extra in a low budget Star Trek episode, there is most likely now a cologne for literally any occasion.
Below are just a few of the geekiest colognes we could find while surfing the internet pretending to be working…..
The First is….
Play Doh Cologne
If you think that Play Doh cologne is meant for old men who expose themselves to children at Disneyland, you’d be wrong.
Play doh cologne is meant for `highly-creative people, who seek a whimsical scent reminiscent of their childhood.” according to the Play Doh cologne manufacturer.
As everyone knows, life always gets worse, which in turn makes our past and childhood seem happier than it really was. This is why we are always looking back on the “good old days” and why it is never the “good old days” right now. Companies know this and attempt to cash in on this imaginary happiness via means of nostalgia.
The hope here is that people will associate the Fragrance with bright colored crayons, finger painting, sculpting, (and all the other creative things we learned that that we can’t make a dime off in today’s modern world) and believe once again that someone like our boss will come down and say. “That’s an exceptionally artistic pie chart you made. Good Job.“
For those of you who love the smell of bacon, there is now a way to attract love interests of the same nature. Although we believe that bacon would be a better scent to attract men to women (in perfume), bacon cologne could land you an obese wife or possibly a really good licking poodle.
On a darker side, if you’ve seen the movie deliverance, you may want to avoid wearing it on hunting trips.
Flame –Burger King Cologne
The legendary Burger King Cologne that lets you smell like what every woman wants. A juicy piece of meat!
Yes, its possible that if you don this cologne, you may offend a few vegetarian women, but look on the bright side….Just think of how well groomed you will be after licking yourself all day.
Star Trek Pon Far Perfume
What is a Pon Farr you ask?
If you’re not a Geek and are somehow reading this anyway, you may not know that “The Pon Farr” refers to the deep rooted repressed emotions that a Star Trek Vulcan experiences once every 7 years. Because Vulcans repress all their emotions, all their rage, fear, love, lust and suffering gets buried deep inside them only to be let out orgastically when they are in “heat” during the mating time of “Pon Farr”
Pon Farr perfume could help you land anything from a Nelix to a Captain Kirk.
Warning! Kirks at Comic Con may be geekier than they appear.
Other Sci Fi Geek Fragrances include: Slave Lei Perfume:
Which guy hasn’t fantasized about princess lea in a golden bikini? The Slave Lea perfume is so seducing, it even blocks out the hideous image of Jabba the Hut being in the room with you.
Of course, if your guy is a known gambler and scoundrel, there is the Eau d’ Lando cologne for men.
Well, they say chicks digg money. But Liquid money comes in both perfume and cologne, so perhaps great minds think alike in this case.
Not exactly for geeks, The idea of the “Money” Cologne is that you can create your own personal scent of success. Since, Geeks are slowing taking over the world, we think this cologne would be better off smelling like the fear of high school bullies now being chased by geek built killer robots, but money does bring back some nostalgic forms of success from the 1980s we haven’t felt since we began ranting about the blatant societal discrimination towards Generation X.
To get you in the mood for money, we’ve included Gordon Gekko’s famous speech on Greed below.
“Greed is good.”
“Greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures, the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of its forms; greed for life, for money, for love, knowledge, has marked the upward surge of mankind and greed, you mark my words, will not only save Teldar Paper, but that other malfunctioning corporation called the U.S.A “
Quote: Gordon Gekko, Wallstreet.
You can find great Geek Gifts for Him and Her in the unusual gift ideas section of our Gadget Shop
“Awww…he’s all tuckered out. Now he’s going to curl up in a nest of you’re socks he’s crammed behind the fridge.”
Ferrets, those mischievous masked scamps. They’re like slinky, sinuous, cats with comically long necks and bodies. These are affectionate, playful, inquisitive animals. If you get them descented they don’t smell too bad and they can be litter trained with some patience. In fact, a ferret or two would make an excellent addition to your home. Provided you can keep the darn things from killing themselves. Ferrets curiosity and energy mixed with the fact that they can squeeze into tight places pretty much guarantees that they’ll get themselves in trouble unless you ferret proof your house. If you thought babies were helpless and stupid, here are just a few of the many many things you need to do to keep your suicide prone weasel safe.
“They’re dead…but it’s still cute.”
They love holes, so plug up everything. Don’t assume your ferret hasn’t crawled into your vacuum cleaner or your drain pipes (don’t turn on the garbage disposal!). Rocking chairs and fold out beds are pretty much blunt guillotines, so get rid of them. Keep your toilet bowl lid down or they’ll drown themselves. And they love to eat odd things, so watch what you leave laying around. Vets have pulled foam ear plugs, paper clips, erasers, rubber bands, mousepad pieces, Velcro, calculator keypads, stockings out of their stomachs. Always check the dirty clothes before throwing them on to wash because rodent blood will absolutely ruin a blouse. Make sure your medicine is kept in childproof containers and is out of reach (wait…seriously?). You should also probably look into getting your ferret a bright yellow helmet with a warning label that reads ‘special’.
“The cutest animal ninja of them all.”
This ferret-monkey-bear looking thing is not only cute, but also very playful. The Kinkajou is energetic, loves to leap and climb, has a prehensile tail like a monkey and will use you as it’s personal tree. It also has a six-inch long tongue. Which is all awesome right? And it’ll bite the ever-loving hell out of you if you mess up, just like it did to Paris Hilton…twice.
Even though their diet consists mainly of fruit they have extremely sharp teeth and a strong bite. Scientists don’t really know why this frugivore even needs friggin vampire-like incisors. What kind of fruit can’t be taken out with anything less than fangs? Regardless many owners swear that these creatures are gentle and affectionate. Just as long as you don’t crowd them too much, don’t make too many sudden movements, respect their territory and don’t wake them up during the day. It’s also recommended that let them have their own room cuz they need lots of space. You should probably give strong consideration to turning your entire life over to your Kinkajou. It would make things easier. (So yes, it’s exactly like being married.) Follow these simple guidelines and you’ll come away mostly unscathed…probably. They also live anywhere from 20 to 40 years, so be prepared to have this hyper, saber-toothed squirrel-chimp around forever. Oh, and in at least three states Raccoon Roundworms have been discovered in the feces of Kinkajou pets…which can be fatal to humans…and Kinkajou’s can’t be litter trained (or any kind of trained actually).
“Because chicks dig vicious killer bird that can maim and/or disfigure you for life.”
Wook, it’s a soft fwuzzy widdle owl. He’s so tiny and fruffy and wovable. I wants one! Friggin Harry Potter’s got an owl mom. Why can’t I have one? Well first of all it’s illegal. But who cares right? People still keep these things. But there are other reasons that should make you reconsider adopting one of these plushy raptors. Mostly, it’s because they’re birds of prey, so besides having razor sharp claws and beaks that can cut you, your furniture and virtually anything else in your house to shreds, they’ll also see any other pets as potential food. We can’t stress enough how powerful and sharp and their talons are. They can cut you to the bone just by being playful. Some of the larger owls have a grip of up to two hundred pounds per square inch. Humans can barely squeeze for twenty.
“You’re perfectly safe as long as you don’t stop petting him.”
And if the bird has imprinted on you then it’ll think you’re its mate. Which basically means it owns you and it’ll attack anyone who comes near you. I hope you don’t plan to date. During mating season it’ll hoot and screech all night long too. And you’d better darn well hoot back and you’d better act like you like it…if you know what’s good for you. And they won’t like anyone else but you which means only you can feed them, so no vacations away from home…ever. They also have special diets which consists of whole animals. They will also throw up everything they don’t digest, like livers and intestines, so be prepared to clean that loveliness up.
2. Slow Loris
What is a Slow Loris? Watch these videos first: Slow Loris
“Feed me! The cuteness compels you.”
Holy heck on a stick!!! That has got to be the cutest thing on the face of this forsaken mud ball we call earth! That precious guy is packing some epic, weapons grade adorableness. That innocent, wide-eyed little bugger is just begging to have the heck cuddled out of him. He’s such a slow, itty-bitty monkey. It’s like a tiny, fuzzy old man. Why doesn’t everyone have one of these sweet little raccoon sloths? Because they have poisonous elbows (no, seriously). The Slow Loris has special glands in their elbows which secret a toxin that causes rapid swelling and intense pain (it’s all true, why would we make this up?). They lick their elbows so that they’re bite can deliver this venom to the bloodstream (go ahead, try to lick your elbow).
“This may look like a ‘don’t beat me’ pose, but in reality it’s getting its elbows in attack position.”
Owning one is illegal, because they’re endangered in the wild. Their poison also makes them smell like sweat socks. They like to bed down in dirty cloths hampers (cuz it smells like home probably). They have extremely sharp teeth and despite their slow appearance they can strike like lighting. The poison doesn’t kill, but it causes painful throbbing and swelling.
1. Sugar Gliders
“It’s wearing a bow! She’s a proper little lady! What…why is my arm wet?”
These lovely flying squirrel-possums are small, cute and they love to play and run around. And the best part is they can glide! You and a friend can toss one around in the back yard like a baseball (please don’t). What could be more fun and adorable than an aerial hamster with stripes like an English badger? And then it pees on you. As a matter of fact, it’ll probably do more than pee. Sugar gliders have no real control over when they defecate. When they wake up, they pee. When they eat, they pee. When you take them out to play, they pee. But don’t worry, that probably means he likes you.
“The fur bat strikes!”
Another great thing about sugar gliders is that they suck the juices out of their food. They don’t really ‘eat’ fruit. They just squeeze it to a mushy pulp and then they spit it out…all over the wall, the floor, the ceiling. These little critters are renowned for making a huge mess. They can also smell strongly (but maybe that’s because it’s covered in urine 24 hours a day). And don’t think you can get just one. Sugar gliders are social creatures and they need lots of attention or they might freak out and attack you or themselves or just straight out die. (Did we mention that in the wild they chew threw bark so you’re skin is laughably easy for them to peal away?) It’s best if you have two so they don’t get lonely. So that’s twice the mess, twice the smell but also twice the fun!
Oh, and they bark all night long cuz their nocturnal animals. Sweet dreams.
If you are looking to block out the insane barking of a sugar glider, or just the voices in your head you can try the memory foam sleep mask with headphone input from DaftGadgets.com
“There’s a sucker born every minute” David Hannum (in Reference to P.T Barnum’s Customers)
1. The Cardiff Giant
What was the Cardiff Giant?
The Cardiff Giant was one of the most famous hoaxes in the history of the United States. Essentially it was a 10 foot petrified man that was purported to have been unearthed from the soil of the town of Cardiff New York.
Who did it?
The giant was the creation of a New York tobacconist named George Hull.
Why did he create this hoax?
While visiting one of his rock quarries, hull noticed a piece of stone that looked like it had human veins running through it. At this point he thought to himself “I bet if I carved up that stone to look like a human giant I could get the last laugh on those Methodists” (Hull, an atheist, decided to create the giant after an argument at a Methodist revival meeting about the passage in Genesis 6:4 stating that there were giants who once lived on Earth)
Hull then instructed some workers to cut a giant slab from the veined stone, which he later shipped to Chicago where he had hired a stone cutter named Edward Burghardt to carve this biblical giant. (Burghardt was unaware that he was carving a statute for a hoax). Once finished, he had some trusted allies bury the giant underground where it would lay in wait for one year.
Around a year later, some fossils were found nearby, and Hull used this discovery to spring his hoax into action.
Ordering to workers to dig a well where the giant was buried, two laborers made what they thought would be the discovery of a lifetime! Rushing to tell the whole town, word spread fast and eventually had people showing up from all over the country to look at (and pay admission for) the stone giant from biblical times.
Scientists and experts came to the conclusion that it was either a true fossilized human giant or an authentic ancient statue. Nobody, said it was a hoax.
P.T. Barnum, noticed all the commotion and attempted to buy the statue to show in his museum. When the price came back as $50,000 (Hull had sold 2/3rds of the statue to a banker named David Hannum) Barnum decided it was easier to create his own fake statue.
He then declared that Hannum sold him the original and that the one in Cardiff was just a fake. After this news, thousands flocked to Barnum’s exhibit to which David Hannum was quoted as saying “There’s a sucker born every minute” …… (He still believed his statue to be real)
2. The Lying Stones
What were the lying stones?
The lying stones were limestone that had been carved into the shapes of lizards, frogs, spiders, and other animals. The stones also had in them the carved name of God in Latin, Arabic, and Hebrew characters.
Who Discovered them?
Professor Johann Bartholomeus Adam Beringer (ca 1667 – 1738) of the faculty of medicine at the university of Wurzburg.
Who Created this Hoax?
Hoaxers by the name of J. Ignatz Roderick (ex Jesuit) and professor of geography and mathematics, and Johann Georg von Eckhart.
Why did they do it?
They didn’t like him. They felt that Beringer was arrogant and needed a “comeuppance”
Essentially, they hid the stones on Mount Eibelstadt (a place where Beringer frequently went to search for fossils.)
The stones included “lizards in their skin, birds with beaks and eyes, spiders with their webs, and frogs copulating.” Other stones lain there bore the Hebrew letters YHVH, for Jehovah, or God.
When Beringer found them He believed them to be natural products of the “plastic power” of the inorganic world.
When critics pointed out that there was evidence of chisel marks, Beringer became convinced that they were the chisel marks of God. In fact nobody could convince him otherwise, not even the hoaxers.
The hoaxers had been putting more and more crazy rocks on the mountain for him to find, at first finding the whole thing amusing. However, the whole hoax started to get out of hand and they tried to convince him that maybe “someone else” was playing a hoax on him.
Beringer decided that they were just trying to discredit his great discovery, and brought them to court to “save his honor”
Unfortunately when he did this, they confessed the whole story. The careers of all three men were ruined.
When asked why they played such a hoax, they replied:
“he was so arrogant and despised us all.”
3. The Tasaday Tribe
What The Heck Was The Tasaday Tribe?
The Tasaday Tribe were a bunch of people forced to pretend that they were an ancient cave dwelling tribe.
Who Created this Hoax?
Manual Elizalde, head of PANAMIN (the Philippine government agency nonstock, nonprofit organization created to protect the interests of Philippine cultural minorities.)
Elizalde had all sorts of press and was able to get a picture of a Tasaday boy climbing vines to appear on the August 1972 edition of National Geographic He also got a National Geographic documentary named “The Last Tribes of Mindanao” created for the Tasaday.
Why Did he put on this Hoax?
Probably To steal money. He cleaned out millions from the Tasaday fund when he fled the country.
The Tasaday people were interviewed later on ABC’s show 20/20 and confessed that they were bribed with cigarettes, clothing, food and more to play along in Elizalde’s game.
4. The Great Moon Hoax
What was the Great Moon Hoax?
The Great Moon Hoax refers to a six article series put out by the New York Sun on August 25, 1835.
The articles went into great detail of crazy “non” mythical animals on the Moon, including bison, goats, unicorns, bipedal tail-less beavers and Batman.
(Okay they were actually bat-winged humanoids (“Vespertilio-homo”) who built temples on the moon, not bat caves, but close enough.
All These discoveries were supposedly made with “an immense telescope of an entirely new principle”.
Of course when someone came to see this telescope, the hoaxers said it was so powerful that the sun turned the telescope into a giant “Burning Glass” that burned down the observatory, all the evidence, and vaporized the telescope.
Who perpetrated this hoax?
Authorship of the article has been attributed to Richard A. Locke, a Cambridge-educated reporter who, in August 1835, was working for the New York Sun.
Why did he do it?
Assuming that Richard A. Locke was the author, his intentions were probably, first, to create a sensational story which would increase sales of the New York Sun, and, second, to ridicule some of the more extravagant astronomical theories that had recently been published.
Its also possible that he took a hallucinogenic drug in the observatory and imagined the whole thing before burning it down himself.
5. War of The Worlds
What was the War of the Worlds Hoax?
The War of the Worlds was an American radio drama directed by Orson Welles, who adapted the H.G. Wells story titled “The War of the Worlds”
Presented as an actual news story, many listeners began to believe that Martians were in fact invading the U.S.A. Some listeners were seen fleeing in panic, thinking they could smell poison gas or see flashes of lightning in the distance.
It was said at the time that 1.7 million people believed the broadcast to be genuine, and out of those 1.2 million were genuinely frightened.
However, these numbers were later said to be inflated by newspaper companies who felt that radio threatened their position as the number one “Press Medium”
Some of you may have heard of “The Legend of The Emerald Tablet” a.k.a. “The Secret of Hermes” and wondered, “Is there any reality to this wizardry?”
The answer is yes.
Now lets be clear. At Daft Gadgets we would like nothing more than to prove that anyone of us can turn into a Jedi Knight or some cooler version of Harry Potter, but that doesn’t mean we distort evidence to prove the existence of mythical beings.
According to “The Secret of Hermes” (based upon Hermes Trismegistus), the emerald tablet revealed the secret of the primordial substance and its transmutations. (Take That Darwin)
Hermes was said to have been clutching the emerald tablet in his arms in his death bed.
Although this legend is in fact “A legend,” there have been some true wizards through out the ages that you may not have heard of.
The frist being….
1. Roger Bacon aka Doctor Mirabilis
The name “Dr. Mirabilis” is a medieval praise meaning: “Wonderful Teacher.”
This Wonderful teacher was known as an English philosopher and Franciscan friar who studied nature through empirical methods. He is sometimes credited as one of the first European advocates of the modern scientific method that was inspired by early Greek philosophers.
As one of the first real wizards, Roger Bacon:
-revealed the role of air in burning, and
-predicted inventions of the future including cars, ships and aircrafts.
His Opus Majus contains treatments of mathematics, optics, alchemy (and the manufacture of gunpowder), the positions and sizes of the celestial bodies and how they could possibly influence the fate of humans.
He was also sent to jail at one point for being a magician or “Wizard” possibly due to his arcane knowledge of alchemy.
2. John Dee 1527-1608
John Dee was a noted English mathematician, astronomer, astrologer, occultist, navigator, imperialist who devoted much of his life to the study of alchemy, divination and Hermetic philosophy.
Basically…he was a wizard.
To some of his contemporaries, Dee was an “Evil Wizard.”
This may have been due to the fact that he was always trying to speak with angles through their universal language of creation in order to bring the apocalypse.
To be fair, Dee was actually trying to bring the Pre-Apocalyptic unity of human kind with a one world religion. Unfortunately, some saw this as just another step closer to the apocalypse, which was a pretty scary thought for most people, and may have led to his charges of treason and “calculating” in the year 1555.
The Calculating charge was for casting a horoscopes of Queen Mary and Princess Elizabeth and was just the first of many slander cases against the wizard.
Dee was an intensely pious Christian wizard who believed that the nature of the universe was an act of numbering and that mankind had the potential for divine power, if they could unlock the secrets to this number through mathematics.
His goal was to recapture the knowledge of the universe through the pure theology of the ancients and bring forth a unified world.
3. Paracelsus 1493 1541
“Many have said of Alchemy, that it is for the making of gold and silver. For me such is not the aim, but to consider only what virtue and power may lie in medicines.”
Paracelsus means equal to or greater than Celsus (Celsus being the 1st century Roman medical encyclopedist.)
The real name of this wizard was Philippus Aureolus Theophrastus Bombastus von Hohenheim (yes its a mouthful).
Paracelsus pioneered the idea of small chemicals to treat illness which was the basis for our modern day pharmacology
He is also recognized as giving Zinc its name, which is really important if you can imagine a world without zinc! (see video below)
4. Trithemius – 1462 1516
Trithemius’ most famous work is the Book Steganographia.
The book appears to be about magic at first glance, however scientists now belive the book was actually about cryptography. Now, Trithemius was accused of dealing with the occult. It was probably the view of those who couldn’t read the secret messages, that if someone is hiding something, it must be evil magic (actually all magic was evil back then)
Steganographia was the first book on secret codes.
5. Nicolas Flamel 1330-1417
According to some, Flamel was the greatist european alchemist of his time.
This posthumous reputation is mostly due to his reputed work on “the philosopher’s stone.” (no he didn’t write the Harry Potter book) Yes, that’s right, Flamel is said to have created the “elixir of life” and developed the ability to turn lead into gold!
Although no formal proof of this wizard’s claims exist, Flamel and his wife were noted for their wealth and philanthropy as have provided many other interpretations on the subject of alchemy.
He has also been referenced by great names like Victor Hugo, and Issac Newton, as well as pop culture references like Indiana Jones and Harry Potter.
Test Your Own Wizardry With Our Magic Levitating Wand!
1. Vladimir Demikhov Vs Dr. White:
When someone faces the horror of seeing their pet get hit by a car they usually only have 2 options:
- Bury the pet in the Pet Sematary where it will comeback to life possessed, or
- Convert the Pet with the latest craze known as RC Taxidermy.
However something most of you haven’t thought of is sewing your pet’s head onto another animals body while its still alive.
Who the hell would be crazy enough to do this you ask?
Vladimir Demikhov, that’s who.
Vladimir Demikhov was a Mad Soviet Scientist and organ transplant pioneer. Known for sewing on extra heads to dogs and monkeys, Demikhov may be the first real mad scientist to follow in the footsteps of Mary Shelly’s Dr. Frankenstein.
His masterpiece is probably a puppy’s head grafted onto the neck of a full grown German Shepherd. The puppy head would lap at milk and drool in down the side of its mouth. Unfortunately, both animals died shortly after the experiment.
Of course this was during the cold war, and the Americans refused to be behind the Soviets in any technology, even multiple headed dogs. This led the American scientist Dr Robert White to transplant the brain of one dog into the neck of another dog. The question then became, “is this dog brain conscious, and if so, what type of doggy hell is it in?”
Dr White couldn’t answer this and decided to move on to bigger and better experiments like decapitating two monkeys and switching their heads.
Kind of makes you want to skip your yearly check up doesn’t it?
2. Shiro Ishii:
(No, were not getting any funnier just yet)
Other than being known for the vivisection of living people (sometimes women he and the other doctors recently impregnated) amputating limbs and reattaching them to different parts of the body, freezing and unfreezing of a patients extremities, and purposely infecting patients with venereal diseases via rape, Shiro Ishii was known to be a selfish, pushy and disturbed individual who excelled at his studies.
His victims numbered around 10 000, receiving 600 per year from the kempeitai military police. He referred to his patients as “logs” and his research area as “The Saw Mill”
After Japan’s defeat in WWII, Ishii and his fellow mad scientists known as Unit 731 were granted immunity by the U.S. Government in exchange for the data he collected from torturing his victims.
3. Charles Bien Aime et Le Fol
(Charles the Loved and the Mad)
Charles was the King of France from 1380 – 1422 and is known as the once loved king of France who slipped into madness.
He first experienced psychosis in 1392 when his adviser, Olivier de Clisson, was almost murdered. Charles attempted to punish the would be assassin responsible by any means necessary. The person believed to be responsible was Pierre de Craon and was thought to be hiding in Brittany. Charles assembled a small army and set off to catch the assassin.
During the march, a barefoot leper sprung from the woods yelling at the King that he had been betrayed and continued behind the small army repeating his cries. Sometime later, a sun stroked page would drop his lance against the shield of another causing a very loud clanging sound. Charles then drew his sword yelling: “Forward against the Traitors!” and began fighting his own soldiers and killing a knight known as “The Bastard of Polignac.”
He was known to forget the names of his family members, as well as his own name. He also believed at one point his name was George who’s family crest was a stabbed lion. In another incident he forgot he was King entirely.
None of which was his craziest delusion…..
His craziest of all delusions was the condition we now know as “Glass Delusion.” Here Charles believed that his body was made of glass and very breakable. This caused him to fear movement and completely forgo any personal hygiene regiment like bathing. At one point he became so filthy that his body became completely infested with lice.
At one point to combat this he attempted various procedure to protect his fragile body including custom made clothes that included iron bars sewn into them.
Take that Tony Stark.
4. Saparmurat “Turkmenbashi” Niyazov ,
After changing his name to “Turkmenbashi” meaning leader of all ethnic Turks, Niyazov then proceeded to declare himself “President for life”
He then went on a narcissistic reforming rampage renaming practically everything under his authority that didn’t already pay him homage.
His list of reforms include:
- He ordered every bottle of vodka to have a picture of his face on it, as well as every clock and watch in the country
- He ordered TV Stations to use his face as a logo
- He changed the name of the capital city airport to Turkmenbashi
- He replaced the port city Krasnovodsk with the name Turkmenbashi
- After a 670 lbs Meteorite hit the country, he declared it named Turkmenbashi
- He changed the names of street and schools to Turkmenbashi
- He changed the national anthem to reference his name in the chorus.
- He banned dogs from the capital because they smelled funny
- He banned gold teeth and encouraged people to gnaw on bones like dogs because dogs teeth didn’t fall out as easy.
- He banned smoking after he was forced to quit due to health problems
- He banned reporters from using make up.
- He renamed the month of January Turkmenbashi
- He renamed the month of September “Ruhnama” in honor of the book wrote by Turkmenbashi
- He banned Opera and Ballet
- He decreed that men should refrain from growing beards
- He declared that the average Turkmen doesn’t read books and as such ordered libraries to be closed.
And finally he banned Britney Spears
(okay he actually banned lip-syncing, but same idea)
Oh yeah, and he also commissioned the construction of an Ice palace with an arctic type zoo complete with penguins and other animals………in the middle of the hottest dessert in Asia.
Source: BBC Ice Zoo
5. Howard Hughes (The Aviator)
This Aviator tycoon who had a paranoid obsession with germs and cleanliness may have had a little more crazy to him than your average ocd.
His quirkyness has been referenced in comedy for years including a famous episode of the Simpsons where Mr Burns plays a parody of the eccentric tycoon and orders his assistant at gun point to get into a miniature wooden plane nicknamed “The Spruce Moose.” (The Spruce Goose was a derisory nickname of Hughes plane the H4 Hercules) See the video link below.
Hughes’ antics included:
- An obsession with the size of peas (he used a special fork to separate them)
- He wrote an extremely detailed memorandum about how to prevent actresses Jane Russell’s blouse from “Bunching Up” on the set.
- He locked himself in his screen room where he sat naked on a chair watching movies for 4 months, eating only chocolate bars and milk and relieving himself in the empty milk bottles. During this time he also surrounded himself with Kleenex boxes and rearranged them continuously.
- He later moved into a bungalow at the Beverly Hills Hotel where he would sit naked watching movies with a pink napkin over his genitals. Somehow he spent 11 million dollars in that hotel that year.
- He became obsessed with his home state of Texas and began purchasing all the restaurant chains and 4 star hotels that had been founded their (some which were long out of business)
- He became obsessed with the film “Ice Station Zebra” and had it running on a continuous loop and was said to have watched it 150 times.
- Near the end of his life he surrounded himself with Mormons, not believing anyone else to be trustworthy
Here, is one of the more satirical take offs on the billionaire:
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We realize everyone has their own opinion as to which superheroes are tougher, or who would win over who in a fight over who. As such, at Daft Gadgets, we believe in democracy and everyone’s right to have their own wrong opinion as to who the toughest superpowerless heroes are.
We define a superpower, as something that is preternatural to humans. For example, mutants are an evolved branch from humans and their powers don’t count, so wolverine would have to fight with bleeding hands and the inability to regenerate faster than a normal human. Kwai Chang Caine gets his power from within his chi and as such we might count him if we liked him more, whereas nobody from the movie kungfu hustle would qualify for our list, even though we found them all to be very amusing.
So lets begin with
#5 Frank Castle a.k.a: “The Punisher”
Now the Castle isn’t known so much for his technique in hand to hand combat as he is for his “in your face” catch a fly with a bazooka mentality. He employs many anti hero tactics like murder, kidnapping, extortion, coercion, threats of violence, and torture to get his way, so he’s kind of like a bad guy in an identity crisis.
These tactics take the readers focus off his supreme fighting skills as a well placed punch is often less exciting than a live grenade in someones pants or shot gun in someones mouth.
That being said, Castle is a war veteran trained as a master of martial arts, stealth tactics, guerrilla warfare, and almost every form of weaponry.
Who Did The Punisher Fight That Makes Him So Tough?
He fought Spiderman on more than one occasion, although he was defeated in the majority. He believed Spiderman was a killer and was tricked into seeking revenge against him.
He took out Rhino without any serious problems
He also defeated Venom when he learned Venom was the killer “Eddie Brock” (Although he let him go when he ran out of sniper bullets)
He defeated Daken, the mutant son of Wolverine
He broke his arm and sent him through three walls and on to a subway track where he electrocuted him and allowed a subway to run him down.
He also defeated Deadpool multiple times before blowing his head off. (which grew back) and Daredevil, who tried to come to the aid of the innocent Deadpool.
This is by no means a complete list of the Punisher’s top foes, but you get the idea.
#4. Ben Turner/Bronze Tiger
After killing his parents murderer with a Kitchen knife, Ben Turner turned to the martial arts as a way to help quell the inner rage of his soul. Studying along side Richard Dragon under the teachings of Master O-Sensei, Ben Turner became one of the greatest martial artists in world.
He has been considered by most to be one of the top 5 martial artists in the DC Universe and is still considered to be top 10 even though he has lost popularity over the years.
Who did he beat up that was so tough?
Uhhh…. Batman. More than once.
This alone is enough for Ben Turner to make our list.
#3. Lady Shiva
The Same Master O-Sensei that trained Ben Turner also had a god daughter named Sandra Woosan. Wooson is known to be the deadliest assassin the DC universe and currently goes by the code name “Lady Shiva”
Who did she beat up that makes her so tough?
Well she handled Victor Sage (the question) without much of a problem, although that was before his training with Richard Dragon.
She also defeated and helped retrain Batgirl (who turned out to be her daughter), and gave a pretty serious liking to the third Robin, “Time Drake”
Add to the list “Connor Hawke” (The Second Green Arrow)who was defeated during a martial arts tournament. (His life was spared at Robin’s request.)
On top of everything, she has mastered a move known as the Leopard Blow, that will apparently kill any opponent instantly, even the Great Richard Dragon.
#2. Shang Chi
Even the Great Iron Fist himself confessed that Shang Chi was a superior fighter, which is a pretty big deal since Iron Fist has the superpower known as “Shou Lou the undying”
Shang Chi’s name means a rising and advancing spirit. He has teamed up with the Sons of Tiger, Iron Fist, Jack of Hearts, White Tiger, Spiderman, the Thing, and even ROM the Space knight.
Shang is also a master of every martial arts weapon
Who has Shang Fought that makes him so tough?
Well, he did defeat and kill his father in a brutal engagement as well as his younger half brother “Moving Shadow”
Shang Chi also came to blows with the Man Thing (pardon the expression), The Shadow Stalker, Razor Fist, Shockwave, Skull Crusher, Zaran, Silver Samurai.
He has also once held off a crowd of 30 super criminals for Captain America, a so called “super human”.
It may come as no surprise that Batman is listed in the #1 slot.
Throughout the comic ages Batman has become one of the most powerful human beings in the DC Universe, despite having no superhuman powers.
By training with the most brilliant minds on the earth in the fields of science, biology, criminology, and other areas, Batman has molded himself in a Jeet Kune Do fashion that allows him to utilize his evolving strengths in a way no comic character has before him.
Who did Batman beat up that makes him so tough?
Yes, that’s right. Batman beat the daylights out of Superman. Batman believes Superman is a government sellout and prepares a final battlefield in his honor. Superman walks into traps of electricity and ultra sonic sound waves before finally taking a Kryptonite arrow (developed by batman) to the chest. Batman’s grasps the throat of Superman and delivers the final words:
“We could have changed the world…now…look at us…I’ve become a political liability…and…you…you’re a joke. I want you to remember, Clark…in all the years to come…in your most private moments…I want you to remember…my hand…at your throat…I want…you to remember…the one man who beat you.”
Batman is a master disguise artist and profiler, capable of ninja like stealth and Houdini like escapology. This allows him to treat every battle as just a battle in a much larger war. Although he refuses to take life, and has been forced to retreat, Batman becomes stronger after ever defeat. He has lost many one on one battles but has consistently proven himself as the victor of the war, and as such, wins the top spot among the superpowerless heroes.
Other notable mentions:
Wolverine (without powers)
Marv from Sin City
The King Pin